Page 81 of Monster

Vincent

Present

“Mama, Mama! Please! Help me, Mama!”

I scream at the top of my lungs for Mama to come help me, but she won’t. She sits silently in the kitchen chair, watching as the man hits me again. I cry out when his fist connects with my ribs and my throat burns from my screams.

“Mama,” I sob. The man only laughs, and his laugh makes me cower further into the floor. It sounds so scary. I wish I wasn’t scared, but I can’t help it.

Every time Mama has one of her friends over, they always hurt me. But this man—I don’t even remember his name—is the worst. He always makes me bleed and he doesn’t stop until I fall asleep.

I don’t know what happens when everything goes dark, but I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and I hope it comes soon. I want the darkness because when I’m in it, I don’t hurt. I don’t feel anything.

Why won’t the darkness come? This is the longest I’ve been awake during one of his beatings and I don’t think I can survive this.

He is gonna kill me.

A kick to my side knocks the wind out of me and I gasp. My lungs are on fire and feel like they shriveled up.

I can’t breathe!

“Ma—” I manage to croak out. My eyes are so blurry, I can’t see a thing, but I know where she is as I search for her. She always sits in the same spot, smoking cigarette after cigarette as she watches him hurt me.

The smell of her cigarettes permeates the air around me, and I focus on that. It’s my only comfort as the pain becomes too much.

I can’t breathe.

I’m gonna die.

Mama, please don’t let me die.

I feel my pants warm as my bladder releases. I shudder as I feel it seep through my clothes and drip onto the floor beneath me. I know what happens next—the same thing that always happens.

“You disgusting little bastard! Look how fucking disgusting you are!” My hair is yanked hard as my head is pulled back.

“Open your fucking eyes, you little pussy.” I peel my eyes open even though I don’t want to, but I know it will only get worse if I refuse.

“Look at how disgusting you are,” the man growls at me and even though I can’t see anything through my tears, I tilt my head down to where I know he wants me to look.

I tremble as I feel his hand on my face, knowing what comes next. The slap across my face forces me to gasp, and my head snaps to the side. My face heats like it’s on fire as I try to breathe through the pain, but it still feels like my lungs are burning.

Everything is on fire.

Why won’t the darkness come?

“You ruin everything. Look at your mother? She’s worthless because of you. You ruined her because you weren’t even supposed to fucking exist. She was going to kill you but got too high to make it to the fucking appointment.” He spits in my face, and I try not to gag as the putrid smell of his breath assaults my senses. I feel his saliva trail down my cheek and drip onto my naked shoulder.

I never wear any shirts because I don’t have any anymore. I only have two pairs of pants now, but these ones are ruined because of my pee. Now I only have one pair left so I have to try to not pee again when the next beating comes.I’ll try with all my might.

Another slap across my face followed by a kick to my stomach sends me over the edge. I gag and gasp, but the blackness clouds my eyes.

Almost there.

A punch to my shoulder causes me to howl and then, blackness.

I wake with a scream. My entire body shakes, and trembles and my clothes stick to my skin, drenched in sweat.

“Fuck,” I shake my head repeatedly. “That wasn’t real,” I reassure myself. That felt too fucking real—but they always do. I forgot how fucking brutal they are.