Page 13 of Monster

Goddamnit, I’m so confused.Wherever he’s concerned, confusion is never far behind. Even to this day, after knowing him for months, I still don’t know how to feel about him. Yes, I shot him, but that was because I was fucking scared, and I needed to leave. I knew he wouldn’t let me go, therefore I had to do what I had to do.

Dominik lightly bumping me with his elbow pulls me from my thoughts and I look over to him with wide eyes and see he’s trying to give me his earbud. I put it to my ear and once I drop my hand, he pushes play on the song. Lyrics fill the void and both of us lean back until we're lying side by side in the tiny hospital bed. We’re touching from our shoulders down to our knees, where his legs hang off the side of the bed.

I fist my hands and dig my nails into my palms, needing something to center me as thoughts I don’t want to think swarm through my head. These lyrics hit too close to home for me, and I feel as tears fall from my eyes and run down my face. My cheeks heat in embarrassment and as I move my hands up to my face to wipe them away before he sees, he quickly grabs my hand and brings it to his stomach. He laces his fingers through mine and rubs his thumb along the back of my hand.

He doesn’t say a word as he looks at me, his deep green eyes penetrating to the deepest parts of me. The song cuts off before beginning again and my tears fall faster now. Dominik brings his other hand up to my cheek and rubs a few tears away.

“I’m here, okay? I’ve got you, baby girl.” And for some reason, I believe him. Or maybe I’m merely desperate for a person to lean on with everything I’ve been through. Either way, right now, I don’t care. I take what I can get, even if it makes me weak. I never said I was strong.

A wretched sob leaves my lips and that’s when I lose it. I sob so hard; my entire body shakes with the force of them. Dominik keeps our hands laced together but pulls his right arm over me and holds me to him. I rest my head on his chest and let everything out, again. Only this time, it feels different. Having someone to go through this with is something I’ve never had before and I selfishly want to keep it, though I know I can’t.

His thumb continues to rub across my hand and his right arm holds me as tight as he can without hurting me. Little does he know everything hurts, no matter how gentle he tries to be. It’s not the physical pain that’s ever been the issue. It’s my damn heart and my fucking soul. A soul I thought no longer existed, but surprise, apparently it does, much to my dismay.

“Shh. It’s going to be okay; I swear. I’ve got you, baby girl. I’ve fucking got you.” He kisses the top of my head in the gentlest kiss I have ever received in my entire life, his curls brushing across my forehead before he pulls away with a small smile, his bright white teeth shining under the florescent light that flickers above us.

Fuck.