Page 18 of Mending Hearts at the Cornish Country Hospital (The Cornish Country Hospital #6)

‘I never intended to get into a relationship with Jesse, but before I knew it, I was already in too deep and I thought I could save him from himself. Growing up with a mother like mine made me want to save everyone, but Jesse didn’t know how to be honest about anything.

He’d tell me things I knew weren’t true, but when I confronted him, he’d twist it back on to me and deny ever having said the things I accused him of lying about, until it felt like I was going mad.

He checked up on me all the time, questioning what I was doing and accusing me of all kinds of things, telling me my behaviour was inappropriate and that everyone could see it but me.

It filled me with so much doubt that I stopped trusting myself and I completely lost who I was for a while.

I knew I needed to break things off. Except when I told him I was leaving, he said he had no reason to carry on.

I couldn’t be the one to tip him over the edge, despite the effect that living with him was having on me, so I stayed and it was a cycle that kept repeating, especially after his sister eventually got involved and begged me to stay.

She said she couldn’t lose him as well as her parents, and suddenly I felt responsible for Sadie too. ’

Eden could barely catch her breath as she finished speaking and the realisation hit her that she’d told Drew things she hadn’t even shared with Felix.

It was as if he’d become her unpaid therapist, but the quiet way he listened and the complete lack of any judgement in his expression made it incredibly easy to talk to him.

Saying those things out loud – some of them for the first time – made it feel as if the burden of what she’d been through had suddenly eased.

The anger she’d felt for allowing those things to happen had lessened too.

It was so much easier to forgive herself after explaining how she’d got sucked into the situation with Jesse, and it no longer felt like her dirty little secret as a result, or something she had to feel guilty about.

Drew might actually be a miracle worker and, when he responded to what she’d told him, it was obvious he didn’t blame Eden for anything that had happened with Jesse.

‘I’m always amazed at how people can make someone else responsible for their lives and happiness, but I guess it’s easier than facing up to your own shortcomings.

’ Something in Drew’s tone told her he was speaking from personal experience and she waited for him to carry on speaking, but instead he left the space for her to continue her own story and she realised she needed to get to the end, as much for herself, as him.

‘I should have got out much sooner than I did, but I kept hoping Jesse would change, or get the help he needed and that I’d no longer feel responsible for him and Sadie, but then I fell pregnant with Teddie.

The last thing I wanted was to have a baby with someone like him.

He’d told me from the start it wasn’t even possible, because the cancer treatment had left him completely infertile.

Looking back, I don’t think he ever even had cancer.

I think he lied to me and probably his sister too, creating a narrative where he was a victim, so no one would challenge him about his actions.

I should have left before Teddie was born, but I was scared of what Jesse might do and I didn’t want my baby to grow up and discover I was the reason his father was no longer around.

It’s ironic when I think about how much better off Teddie is without Jesse, but at the time I was so entrenched in saving Jesse from himself that I couldn’t see it like that. ’

‘It wouldn’t have been your fault if something had happened to Jesse.

’ Drew’s response made it sound so simple.

She knew it was just the straightforward way he had of seeing things, but she needed Drew to understand that it wasn’t as simple as he seemed to think it was, but then he started talking and what he said couldn’t have surprised her more.

‘I know what it’s like to live with that kind of threat hanging over you.

For years my mother said she didn’t want to live any more, and I thought if I could just be different, she might feel differently too.

But I couldn’t make her happiness my responsibility, even if I’d wanted to, and Jesse’s wasn’t yours. You can’t make someone else happy.’

‘I know, but it’s not always that easy to stop trying, is it?’ She searched his face again, and he shook his head.

‘No, it isn’t. The reason I love my job so much is because I like dealing in logic and facts; they make me comfortable and that’s part of how my autism works.

For every problem, there’s a solution. Or at least there should be.

It took me a long time to realise that emotions don’t behave with that sort of predictability and that it didn’t matter how many solutions I offered my mother to try and cure her unhappiness, I couldn’t fix the problem. ’

Despite all the things they’d discussed that day, this was the most personal thing Drew had told her, and it was also the most he’d said in one go. For a moment Eden wasn’t sure how to respond, but she wanted him to know how grateful she was that he’d shared it with her.

‘Thank you, that really helps to hear. I still feel guilty about Jesse and I worry about him too. Whichever parts of his past are the real story, they’ve damaged him, and it makes me sad that I couldn’t put that right.

But what you said is true; I never had the power to fix Jesse and it wasn’t my job to try.

The only thing that matters to me now is doing my best by Teddie. ’

‘You already are.’ Drew held her gaze for a moment and the attraction between them was palpable.

It wasn’t just from her side either, she was almost certain of that.

Eden could so easily have closed the gap between them and discovered how he’d respond if she did.

She wanted to, and for a moment she thought she might actually do it, but then someone called her name.

‘Eden!’ Looking up, she saw Aidan waving furiously at her. Jase was with him, pushing baby Ellis in her pram. Letting go of a long breath and trying to shake herself out of the moment she’d so nearly had with Drew, Eden stood up as Aidan and Jase drew level with the table.

‘Fancy seeing you here!’ Aidan flung his arms around her. ‘We’re just off to meet Danni and Charlie, apparently Caleb is already in the sandpit eating his body weight in sand.’

‘Oh no.’ Eden shuddered. ‘We were talking earlier about how much we dislike sand, weren’t we, Drew?’

‘Yes, we were.’ He clearly wasn’t intending to elaborate, and Eden had never been a fan of awkward silences, so she launched into an introduction.

‘I don’t know if you’ve met Drew before, have you? He’s one of the pathologists at the hospital.’ She didn’t even wait for Aidan to answer, before turning towards Drew. ‘And this is Aidan, who works with me, and his husband Jase.’

There was a round of polite hellos, before Aidan lowered his sunglasses and looked at Drew. ‘A pathologist? I bet that’s dead exciting!’

It was the kind of stupid joke he always made. Eden laughed and Jase let out an exaggerated groan, but Drew didn’t seem to realise it wasn’t actually a question.

‘I don’t know if I’d call it exciting, but it’s interesting work.’

‘Sorry Drew, just ignore my husband.’ Jase shook his head. ‘You can tell he’s a father now, with dad jokes like that. I have to put up with that sort of thing all the time.’

Drew nodded in response, but he didn’t reply and the silence suddenly felt even more awkward.

‘Say hi to Danni and Charlie for me, won’t you?’ Eden had only met Danni a couple of times, but she was one of the A&E consultants she’d be working closely with in the future once Danni was back from maternity leave.

‘Will do. You two have a good time.’ Aidan raised his eyebrows, as if he wasn’t sure that was possible and Eden had to admit how different Drew seemed around Aidan and Jase.

As the two men disappeared down the path, she couldn’t help wondering if this should be the last time she spent with Drew after all.

She’d blamed Gwen for her unexpected attraction to him, but Eden knew the attraction between them was down to more than Gwen’s romantic notions.

She also knew that she didn’t want to get into another complicated relationship.

Until today, she hadn’t wanted to consider another relationship of any kind and just the fact that she was thinking about it scared the hell out of her.