Page 44 of Meeting Me, Loving You (Hearts of Maple Lake #1)

JULIET

I shouldn’t have said what I said to Cam back at the rope swing.

We had agreed to keep this trip fun, for Tyler’s sake, but I couldn’t help releasing some of the anger and hurt that’s been bottled inside of me for the past few weeks.

My thoughts had been driving me crazy the whole time we were on the water before I made that undercut comment to him, but now the only feeling that surfaces above the rest is regret.

Did he hurt me when he rejected me? Yes, of course. He was selfish. He led me on for months.

But I should have seen the signs. His looks and touches might have been flirtatious, but I should have backed off the moment I noticed he was starting to create distance between us.

He didn’t even want to be on the rowboat with me that day, but I had insisted, even going as far as to pack us a sweet dinner and everything.

I believed I could encourage him to admit what I thought he felt, but I couldn’t, and clearly, I was wrong about his true intentions for months.

But if he was so adamant about us not becoming more than friends, why did he kiss me? And why did that kiss feel so hot and passionate like all he wanted was me ?

My thoughts give me whiplash, and I turn back to the task of setting up my tent.

We made it to the small clearing right off the water thirty minutes ago and we took our time unpacking our kayaks, relaxing to eat granola bars and chips, and enjoying the shade of the maples overhead.

I glance down at my waterproof watch, now damp and a little sandy. 1:00 p.m.

We made good time on the water, even with our stop at the rope swing. I’m thankful I didn’t burn, and I make a mental note to reapply sunscreen after we swim this afternoon.

When I look up from my completely pitched tent, I see Ty making his way toward me.

“Need any help?” he asks.

I stand up from my squat position, placing my hands on my hips. “Nope, I’m finished.” I smile, genuinely proud of myself for doing this all on my own.

“Nice job, Jules. I was afraid you had forgotten how to go camping,” Ty chuckles. “It’s been so long since we’ve gone.”

I look at my feet. “Yeah, the last time was with Natalie. It was the last thing we all did together as a family.” Saying that out loud is difficult, and I take a steadying breath to keep from crying.

Ty puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to his side for a tight squeeze.

We don’t talk about Natalie because it hurts me too much to bring it up, but I know he’s always open to discussing her absence if I need it.

Just mentioning her name to him now is more than I’ve said to him about it in the last two years.

He puts his chin on my head, tucking me close with one arm. “I miss her too.” Ty’s voice is always strong and controlled, but this time, it’s quiet and vulnerable.

Pulling back to look at him, I notice he looks older.

I guess he’s slowly been aging, making work his priority, doing what he can to get ahead on the corporate ladder.

But I’ve never noticed just how tired he looks until now.

His blond hair is slightly curly, though he keeps it cut nicely.

His face is clean shaven, showing only a small amount of growth from the past few days.

Ty’s eyes are blue, in contrast to my brown, and there are small laugh lines around the outer corners.

Still only twenty-seven—twenty-eight tomorrow—he seems to be maturing.

It makes me sad to think that time passes everyone by, no matter how busy, free, demanding, or exciting their life is.

“You doing okay?” I ask.

He nods. “Just been thinking about Natalie lately. It’s hard not to be angry at her, you know? I know you don’t like talking about her, and I’ve always respected that. We can’t change anything, so there isn’t really much point in hashing it out. But,” he pauses. “I’ve decided to forgive her.”

“Wait, has she gotten in touch with you? Did she apologize?”

“No,” he says quickly. “She hasn’t. But I realized that I’ve stored up a lot of resentment in my heart toward her because I felt like she didn’t have the right to leave us.

Like she was supposed to treat us better because we were— are —her family.

But since I’ve been seeing Sandra, she’s opened my eyes to a lot of things.

And one of those things is that I can’t fully move forward with my life until I let go of the past.”

My eyes fly up to where Cam is working on his tent across the small clearing, but I’m relieved to find that he can’t hear us. Ty looks in the same direction and then back to me.

“I think you should forgive Natalie, Jules,” he continues. “I have, and it’s been so freeing. I finally have a sense of closure. Even though I haven’t had the chance to tell her, I’ve forgiven her in my heart, and it’s made a huge difference.”

“Forgiveness doesn’t change the fact that she’s gone though, or that she left us without even saying goodbye,” I hiss, my eyes boring into his. My anger and frustration and hurt are rising to the surface, and if I allow it to, I might begin to drown.

“I didn’t mean to bring this up, and I’m sorry it hurts you.

Natalie leaving impacted all of us, but I know it messed you up the most because you were so close.

But Jules,” he rests his hand on the side of my arm, and I flick my eyes away, looking at the river as it flows steadily on.

“She was my baby sister too. Now, I can either judge her for leaving the way she did and hold a grudge, or I can forgive her and hope she’s happy and safe and living the life she wanted. ”

A tear slips from my eye, and I swipe at it. Then I meet his bright blue eyes, similar to our mom’s. “But she hurt us, Ty. She didn’t want us.”

With a swift movement, Ty bends at the knees to level his eyes with mine, holding me in place with his hands gently resting on my shoulders.

It’s a comforting gesture, like he’s lowering himself to my level so I can hear and understand his next words very clearly, much like an adult would do for a toddler.

“Listen to me, Jules. Natalie might have wanted other things in life, but she loved you. I know she did because she never wanted to be separated from you. As kids, you two were stuck like gum on a shoe, as gross as that sounds.”

“Probably could use a different analogy.”

“That’s not the point. The point is love doesn’t just disappear.

Once it’s there, that love will always be present in some form.

It’s ingrained in memories and emotions, and we have so many of those, Jules.

Every meal you two cooked with mom, every day at the lodge playing cards while dad and I skied, every time we all sat around the dinner table laughing together.

For me, those memories are filled with love, family, and joy.

And I’ve decided those are the memories I’m going to hold onto. ”

Tears are now streaming silently down my face as I look at my big brother.

He’s right. I’ve held onto so much anger and frustration toward Natalie for leaving us—for being my only reason to stay behind while my family moved on without me.

But she’s still my little sister. She’s the little girl who ran laughing through the library with me, the girl who drew stick figures of me while she sat with us at the ski lodge.

She’s the very first baby I ever held when I was two years old, and I cried because I didn’t want mom to take her back.

I have so many amazing memories, and I should feel blessed I have all those moments to look back on and remember her by.

“You’re right,” I say. My voice shakes and I clear my throat.

I catch movement behind Ty’s shoulder and look up to see Cam standing by his tent.

He’s looking at us with a crease between his brows, but he gives us our privacy as he grabs his hammock and heads toward the trees.

I look back to my brother as he straightens, releasing his gentle grip on my shoulders.

“I’ve held onto so much anger over her leaving us, but I also have so many regrets.

Regrets that should never have been mine to carry. ”

“Like what?”

“I regret that I haven’t been there for her, that I haven’t been able to fulfill my role as her big sister.”

“Oh, Jules,” Ty whispers. “That’s not your fault.”

“I know, I know. But I can’t help feeling it anyway.

Big sisters are meant to teach their baby siblings, to guide them and love them.

To keep them safe.” My voice wavers as I hang my head and another wave of emotion overtakes me, flooding my eyes with new tears.

“I haven’t done any of those things since she left.

I haven’t been there for her, and there’s something in me that pushes me toward her, like I need to find her, or something within me will always be missing.

It’s like I have this role to play, and I can’t because the script was changed.

Sometimes it’s hard to breathe, and I feel like I’m supposed to be doing something but can’t figure out what it is.

I’m so lost all the time .” My hands cover my face as I attempt to hold back the sobs, and Ty once again wraps me up in his sturdy arms, embracing me fully until my face is squished up against his T-shirt.

“Shhh,” he shushes. He holds me until I gain control of my crying and can even out my breathing.

Once I’m feeling better, I step back and wipe my eyes with the back of my hands.

“I’ve felt that way too,” he says. “More than I can even express. I think about her every day and hope to God that she’s okay, that she’s making the right choices and keeping herself safe.

But, even as her older siblings, it’s not our job to keep her on the right track.

Nobody can force a horse to stay on the track, but we can guide them back when they get lost.”

I chuckle, feeling a bit of the weight of our conversation fall from my shoulders. “That’s another ridiculous analogy. You need to stop. Where do you come up with those?”

Ty scrunches his face. “That one didn’t make sense, did it?”

I laugh loudly this time, wiping the last of my tears away. “No, not at all. Horses don’t get lost on a racetrack, it’s literally just a circle.”

Trading his solemnity for a wide smile, Ty laughs too. It feels good to have had this conversation with him. At least, before he made it weird with his made up fortune cookie phrases.

“Thank you,” I say seriously. “This really helps. I’ll be thinking about what you said, about forgiving her so I can move on. I think maybe you’re right.”

He gives me a teasing smirk. “I’m always right.”

“Oookay, and here we are, people. Back to our usual broadcast,” I say, clapping and gesturing both hands toward Ty as he bows to the imaginary crowd. He’s always been a comedian.

At the sound of our laughter, Cam looks up from where he rests on his hammock, hanging between two large trees.

Our eyes meet. His brows are still scrunched in concern, his lips forming a tight line, and this time, neither of us look away.

For a moment, I think he can sense everything I’m feeling, his look of concern morphing into relief when I give him a small smile.

There’s no doubt he saw me crying, although I’m sure he has no idea that our conversation was about Natalie.

On the contrary, he might think I was crying over him.

Oh no, I hope not.

As much as I might feel hurt that he rejected me, I’ve done my fair share of crying over him, and I’m done.

Instead, I decide to take Ty’s wise advice and use it for this situation as well.

I’m going to forgive Cam for how he’s treated me.

Even if we can’t be together, I can’t let the friendship we had just dissipate.

It’s meant too much for me to let it disappear in the wind.

I don’t want to live with anymore regrets and lost loved ones.

I turn to Ty. “Grab your hammock. Let’s set up by Cam.”

“Okay, I’ll go find it.” He jogs over to his tent to rummage through his backpack.

Grabbing my own hammock from the bag of belongings at my feet, I head toward Cam, unraveling the folded up fabric from its drawstring satchel. His green eyes are warm and piercing as he watches me walk across the clearing, and his grin widens as I get close.

“Hey,” I say, stopping a couple feet from his hammock where he’s gently swinging back and forth.

“Hey,” he says back. His smile makes my stomach flip like it always has, and I doubt for a moment that a friendship between us could ever be the same as it was. But I’m willing to try.

I gesture to the space between one of his trees and another several feet away. “Mind if I set up right here?”

“I’d love that.”

As I start to set up, Cam’s smile widens, and he lays back into his hammock, disappearing as it swallows him up and hides him from view.