Page 40 of Meeting Me, Loving You (Hearts of Maple Lake #1)

My brain doesn’t have the time to come up with a reliable outcome to this scenario before Cam’s solid body falls into mine, covering me up and throwing me back toward the makeshift bed of blankets and life vests behind me.

My head, thankfully, misses the side of the boat.

My butt is still on the bench, but now I’m laying back, my knees at a ninety degree angle, feet still on the floor.

Thank goodness I made this little makeshift bed; it’s almost as if fate knew this would happen.

My eyes wander around to assess the situation.

One of Cam’s hands grips the side of the boat holding his weight, while the other is, to my surprise, pillowing the back of my head.

How he thought to protect my head that fast, I’ll never know.

My heart pounds wildly in my chest as blood roars loudly in my ears.

I look up to find Cam’s eyes locked on mine, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths, lightly touching mine as his solid abs lay against my torso.

His large thighs rest on mine, and since we’re both wearing shorts, our bare skin presses together.

His quick breaths toss my loose curls, but neither of us move.

We’re glued to this spot, his body on mine, and, as my heart stutters and melts, I wonder if this is what it feels like to fall in love.

However, I hadn’t expected the falling part to be so literal, or painful. Even so, I’ll take it any way it comes.

Cam’s fresh scent of freshly split firewood and leather tickles my nose, making me want to bury my face in his neck. His green eyes have turned dark, overcome by his pupils, and the excitement has left his face, replaced with a look I’ve never seen before.

His shuddering breath sends shivers down my spine, despite the heat.

The stars are just starting to shine overhead, encompassing his head and shoulders in tiny lights that only add to the blinding effect he has on me.

From this close, I can make out the dusting of tiny freckles that covers his nose and cheekbones, too many to count and already turning darker from today’s sun.

I open my mouth, intent on saying something, anything, to break the spell that keeps us frozen in time, but his eyes dart to my mouth, and in the next second, his lips crash down on mine.

I don’t even hesitate. He tastes like a cherry limeade margarita, and I open my mouth to him, deepening the kiss and straining for more.

His hand behind my head pulls me closer, his fingers threading through my windblown hair, and he drops down to his forearm on the other side, bringing our bodies flush together.

I’m on fire and he’s oxygen, stoking the flames with every touch.

Our kisses are desperate and raw, passionate and full of unspoken words, our lips silently speaking everything we haven’t yet put into words but have been cultivating for the past six months. We’re a tangle of limbs and frantic breaths as we explore one another’s mouths.

I wrap my hands around his neck, feeling the soft hairs that curl out from under his hat, and he slips his hand from behind my head, only to cup my cheek with it.

His thumb grazes over my cheek so tenderly I gasp.

Every touch is exactly what I needed but didn’t know I wanted until now.

I can’t go back to the days before this, before I knew how Cameron Dunne tastes, how he feels against my skin, his hands on my face, and his mouth on mine.

The swirling in my abdomen won’t cease its hold on me, and I can’t bring myself to ever end this.

The desire to have him closer than humanly possible floods my body, and I push his hat away, running my hands through his wavy brown hair. I’m afraid to open my eyes, afraid this will all be a dream and I’ll have to let him go.

Cam’s lips slide from my mouth to the crest of my cheek, my jaw, my neck, as he works his way to my collarbone.

He kisses the scar on my shoulder, slowly and reverently pressing little love notes on the pink skin that no longer has stitches but will always look different from the rest of my skin tone.

After leaving one more lingering kiss there, he lowers his mouth again, this time to my tattoo.

He traces the flower with his lips, brushing the skin gently until I can’t take it anymore.

I grab his face and lift it to mine, needing to feel his lips on my mouth once more.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I’d be in a boat making out with my brother’s best friend—someone who was gone from our lives for more than a decade.

But then again, I never thought I’d ever find love or anything close to it by staying in Maple Lake.

Staying here was a death sentence, but Cam suddenly showing up in January has changed my whole outlook on this place—the place I’ve always called home but have slowly come to resent.

Dax barks and I open my eyes. Cam pulls away from my mouth with a look of surprise, shock, and what looks like regret flashing through his eyes.

“Damn it, Jules,” he exclaims angrily. He rests his hands on the sides of the boat and lifts his body off of mine, scrambling to sit back on the opposite bench. I follow his lead, sitting up in a panic.

“What’s wrong? What did I do?” Fear begins to prickle my skin, and without Cam’s body weight holding me in place, I want to fade through the bottom of the boat and disappear.

For a second his eyes flash to mine, soft with concern, until it quickly morphs into irritation, and he runs his hands roughly through his hair. “Nothing, you didn’t do anything. I’m sorry that happened.”

What is happening? Why is he sorry?

“Cam, it’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry.”

“I do.” His eyes look wild as they glimmer with the light of the setting sun, dressing his evergreen eyes in pinks and purples that reflect off the water. “I shouldn’t have done that. I got carried away.”

Dax wags his tail and makes his way around Cam, coming to sit at my feet. I reach out for Dax’s collar to anchor me, and he licks my face.

“Why shouldn’t you have done that?” I ask. “Clearly, I feel the same way you do.”

“I just… I just shouldn’t have done it. I never meant for it to go this way.”

I blink. “But it did and I’m not sorry about it. Not for one second.”

Cam doesn’t meet my eyes. “The whole tourist list was just a way to help you. To show you life can be fun, that this town can be fun. You were always by yourself, working too hard. The whole town saw you weren’t really living.

I wanted to show you you’re not alone, that you can still find joy here. ”

“And you’ve done that! You bring me joy.”

“We weren’t supposed to become involved though. Not like this.” He’s looking out at the water, his jaw working as it tightens.

“Why not?” I say incredulously.

My brain is already turning, thinking of all the reasons why he wouldn’t want me. Blood rushes through my ears, and my heart races as I recognize this as the same feeling I got when I learned Natalie had left us. I wasn’t enough to make her stay and I’m not enough for him either.

He turns to me with a tight jaw. “Because one day you’ll realize I’m not what you want. You’ll want me to be something that I’m not, someone that I’m not. You might think you feel this way now, but it won’t last forever. I can’t do that to you.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

“How could you say that? You’ve turned out to be everything I’ve ever wanted. These past few months have been the most amazing months of my whole life, and I didn’t even have to leave the place I started to resent in order to find what I was always looking for. You found me .”

Cam finally looks up at me with glossy eyes, holding my gaze for only a second.

Then he clears his throat and turns away.

“I just can’t do this, Jules. The time we’ve spent together has been…

amazing. But I’m here to stay in Maple Lake.

I won’t keep you here with me. You’ll want to leave one day, but I won’t be leaving again. ”

I’m quiet. I haven’t thought of leaving Maple Lake since the day of my accident. Until now, I haven’t thought of wanting to be anywhere else but with him.

“I don’t want to leave either.”

His brows are heavy, his eyes darker than before.

“Yes, you do. And when you realize that’s what you really want, you’ll feel trapped here again.

But instead of being stuck here waiting for Natalie, you’ll be stuck here because of me.

And I won’t do that to you.” He grabs his hat off the floor of the boat and places it back on his head with a little too much force. “We can’t do this again.”

My breaths come quick and shallow as my hands begin to tingle with nerves and the rush of blood to my head. Everything in my mind goes blank as I stare at the side of his face. He doesn’t look at me again, and I can’t tell how long we sit in this tense quiet before he finally breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry, Juliet, but I can’t be the guy who holds you down.”

“Cameron.” I struggle to speak, my voice a whisper.

“I’m willing to take a chance on us, Cam.

I’ve let life pass me by the past few years since Natalie left, just waiting for her to come back.

But I won’t let this pass, this thing we have between us.

I know you feel it too. And if you need time to figure it out, then I can wait.

But I want this. I want you .” I’m pleading with him now, asking him to want me back.

“You say that now, but it won’t last. I can’t get stuck in someone’s cookie cutter mold again. I’ve always been a failure in someone’s eyes for as long as I can remember, and I won’t wait for those eyes to one day be yours when you wake up and realize you wanted more than this.”

His voice is deep, and his words are final. Still, I think I hear a hint of pain in them.

Or maybe I imagined it.

I sit, stunned into silence, tears dripping sorrowful trails down my cheeks.

I can hardly see him through the tears blurring my vision.

Dax nudges my hands with his nose, and Cam lifts the oars, rowing us back to the dock.

I don’t say a word the whole way, and I even leave my picnic basket in the boat, completely disregarding everything but the hollow feeling in my chest and Cam’s terrible words echoing in my ears.

Cam offers to drop me and Dax off at my apartment, but it’s not far so I insist on walking.

“Okay,” he says, “but text me when you’re in your apartment so I know you got back safe.”

He’s worried because there are always new tourists in town. We may know all the regulars and those who live here, but every tourist is just another stranger.

“Um, okay,” I manage to say. I tuck my hair behind my ear and start walking, not waiting for him to say goodbye or to even unload the boat.

Dax stays close to my side as we make our way around the side of the lake closest to town, past the swimming beach, and onto the main road running through the shops.

I walk past Phil’s grocery store where he’s sweeping the sidewalk, but I hardly look up.

Miss Paula walks by with her husband, but their chipper hellos are drowned out by the whooshing in my ears.

Dax whines, following closely until we’re at my apartment building.

I rush through the foyer and up the stairs, fumbling with my key before getting the door open.

As I rush through the apartment and straight to my bedroom, I send him a text.

I’m home.

Cam

Good.

The three little dots flash, telling me he’s typing something else.

Cam

And Juliet… I’m sorry.

Only once I’m in my bed with my face under the covers do I allow myself to completely fall apart.