Page 43 of Meeting Me, Loving You (Hearts of Maple Lake #1)

CAMERON

T he water is calm, and the forest lining the river is quiet as the three of us row downstream.

We’ve already gone three miles, so there’s seven left before we get to the site where we’ll make camp for the night.

The Kittappy is the same river I spent last week fishing on, only I was at a different section higher up the mountain, and although it’s the same, it feels vastly different.

Maybe it’s the traffic of this particular section of water as we pass groups of tourists all grouped together in river tubes.

Or maybe it’s the company I’m with, Jules’ chilly attitude toward me creating a disconnect between this experience on the river and my last one.

I was caught off guard seeing Jules here. Of course she’d be here, though. I was dumb to not ask Tyler in advance. Jules is probably extremely uncomfortable with me here, and I was a jerk to not give her a heads up by at least asking if she was planning to be on the trip.

At least Tyler doesn’t know about what happened between us. He’d most likely hate me if he knew I hurt her, and then I’d lose them both.

The water flows around my kayak and over stones and fallen branches near the water’s edge, sending gentle white bubbles across the surface.

They’re too small to call them rapids, and I’m glad Tyler chose the calmest part of the river so we can just relax.

We hardly have to row except to maneuver around rocks and keep our kayaks on a straight path.

Tyler is at the front of our group, always the leader, and Jules and I seem to always be parallel with each other, although she’s been keeping several feet between us.

Occasionally, the river splits around small islands that are large enough to hold only a few trees and shrubs, but for the most part we’re just going in a straight line.

I glance toward Jules. It’s obvious that she’s ignoring me.

Her body stiffens as if she knows my attention is on her, and I sigh, looking away.

Jules hasn’t said a word to me since we got on the water, and I’ve been wracking my brain to find something I could possibly say that would ease the tension between us.

Every fiber of my being wants to be near her. My eyes can’t stop scanning the side of her face from across the water, and my hands itch to run through her long brown curls. I want to grab her right out of her kayak, sit her on my lap, and tell her I’m sorry for ever hurting her.

But I can’t do that because to be with Juliet would be to trust someone else with my whole heart. I’d have to trust her to never despise me or change me, but I’m not strong enough to scale my own walls. And I’ve built them too high and too secure to tear them down.

Since Jules won’t speak to me, I’m left to my own thoughts.

This morning, as I drove to our meeting spot, I made a quick pit stop at the grocery store to grab a few snacks.

Tyler had requested I bring chips and dip, and I picked up a bag of jolly ranchers for him as a little birthday treat—I know he’ll love them.

While I browsed the chip aisle, Mrs. Simons caught my eye. She was looking for pretzels for the women’s knitting group, and we spoke for several minutes, catching up on our summer so far.

“I’m glad to hear you’ve been enjoying your break,” she said. “How’s Juliet doing? Or is the rumor true that you two aren’t spending time together anymore?”

I contemplated for a moment how much I should say. Realizing the town has already done its share of storytelling, I decided I might as well be honest. “It’s true.” I sighed. “It was… getting messy.”

“Messy for you, or messy for her?” she asked.

“Both?”

“Hm,” she mused, lifting a brow. “That sounds like a question.”

I looked at my feet as my hand aimlessly reached for my bearded chin. “It was getting messy for me. Jules… wanted more than a friendship.” Guilt flooded my heart.

“Ah, I see.” Mrs. Simons pondered my response before stating, “Change can be difficult to accept, even if it’s a good change.

We often get used to things being one way, causing us to reject any other options.

However, none of us are perfect. We’re not meant to be.

If we were perfect, we’d be God.” She chuckled lightly before resting a delicate hand on my shoulder.

“I don’t know what happened between you and Juliet, but I hope you don’t let it become a regret you’ll carry with you.

Life has many paths. Some paths can turn us around and we can easily come back from them, but some are more disastrous.

And the further we travel down these disastrous paths, the less chance we have of correcting our direction, of coming back to the light.

When you find someone who accepts you for who you are, you grab hold of them and don’t let go.

You let them love you, and you keep them in your circle, no matter what.

” She let her hand drop and reached for a bag of pretzels on the shelf.

Then, she looked at me with a twinkle in her eye.

“I know deep down you know what you want, Cameron. The only one standing in your way now is yourself.”

Stunned by the truth of her words, I stood in the aisle of Maple Lake’s tiny grocery store, Jules’ beautiful, uplifting words assaulting me all at once.

You bring me joy.

You’ve turned out to be everything I’ve ever wanted.

I’m willing to take a chance on us.

I want this.

I want you.

A smile crept across my face as tears welled up in my eyes. Mrs. Simons stepped closer and laid a hand on my back, patting me gently. “You are loved here, Cameron. By so many of us.” I thanked her for her kind words, barely able to articulate my feelings, before she hugged me and walked away.

Tyler back paddles, slowing down, and we get close to his kayak until we’re all floating together on the current.

“Remember that time my dad took us tubing here?” He smiles wide, and I do the same. His spirit is infectious—it always has been.

“Yeah, I remember. I was actually just thinking about that,” I say.

“The rope swing was just up a little ways. Want to see if it’s still there? ”

I glance at Jules, wanting her to weigh in with her opinion on whether or not we should stop. She doesn’t say anything.

“Sure,” I say. “If Jules is okay with stopping.”

“We can check it out,” she says, looking at Tyler. My stomach drops because she still won’t talk to me.

Shoulders sagging, I realize that by pushing her away, I became the disappointment to her I never wanted to be.

I became the very thing that I was trying to save myself from becoming.

She can’t even look at me, and I can see now the extent of the damage I’ve truly caused.

After what I did, we can never be the same.

We can never go back to the way we were.

She’ll never just be my friend who comes over for casual dinners and movie nights on the weekends. She’ll never bring Dax to the cabin to hike through the woods with me as we often did. I pushed away the lifeline she threw to me in that rowboat, and I swam in the opposite direction.

The wrong direction.

Pops is probably frowning down on me. If he were here, he’d tell me to get back in that boat and finish what I started.

Tyler paddles toward the edge of the river, following the curves of the land in search of the rope swing. Jules follows close behind him, and I give her some space before I bring up the rear.

My mind wanders to the day I went tubing down this river with Tyler and his dad.

It was a hot summer day like this one and we were enjoying the cool water, taking breaks to swim and climb onto the riverbanks.

I don’t have memories of doing family activities with my own parents, so this one is extra special and has always stuck with me.

From our kayaks, we search the trees near the riverbank, looking up and down the trunks and largest branches for any sign of an old rope. Ten minutes pass and we’ve traveled further downstream without seeing it.

“There it is!” Tyler points at a large White Ash tree in an alcove to the left, and sure enough, the rope hangs from one of its thick branches jutting out over the water. It’s been tied back from the water for the next user to easily grab while on land, and I wonder if someone has used it recently.

Tyler and Jules row their kayaks to the riverbank where the trees grow right up to the water’s edge, stretching their long, knotted roots into the river. While the ash trees and oaks grow close to the bank, I can see white birch and maples deeper in the forest.

I approach the edge of the water as the siblings climb out of their kayaks, pulling them up onto the dry land.

Tyler is barefoot and Jules is wearing her flip-flops.

The land doesn’t gradually slope into the water like a beach would.

Instead, there’s a one foot drop off where the river has eroded the natural riverbank, exposing roots of all sizes that stick out of the dirt and hang into the water.

Tyler helps Jules pull her kayak onto the ledge as I climb out of mine, barefoot as well, and find my footing on the larger tree roots.

I get my kayak onto the ledge, lining it up with Tyler’s and Jules’, before making my way over to the tree that holds the rope.

The worn dirt path is covered in sticks and pine needles, and I wince as I step across them, attempting to keep my feet free of anything sharp.

“You want to go first, Cam?” Tyler asks. Once he unties the rope, he holds it out for me to grab and I take it.

“Sure.” The rope is not as thick as I remember it from when I was a child.

Holding onto it, I easily climb up the large roots and onto a thick low branch.

The top of the rope is tied to a larger branch about fifteen or twenty feet up in the air.

The tree itself is wider around than I could reach with my long arms, so I’m not worried about the strength of the tree.

I am, however, worried about the age and wear of the rope.

“I might break it,” I shout down to them.

“Don’t worry about it! If you hit anything, you’re in good hands. We have a nurse.” Tyler points his thumb over his shoulder at Jules, clearly making a joke.

Jules chuckles, but she looks nervous with her hand over her mouth and her opposite arm wrapped protectively around her middle. It wouldn’t be a great trip if someone got impaled on a hidden stick in the water, and I understand her concern.

But it hasn’t rained much lately, so the water is fairly still and clear in this little alcove.

I grab the rope as high up as I can and jump, swinging out before letting go and dropping into the cold water.

A thrill runs through my body as I fall, and I’m transported to when I was fourteen, swinging from this very same rope.

It’s interesting how you can be in the same spot, with some of the same people years later, and yet everything has changed.

Even the water flowing by isn’t the same as it was, changing every second as time passes.

I’m completely submerged by the frigid river, and I can’t feel the bottom.

I also, luckily, don’t feel any branches or rocks near me as I surface.

When I open my eyes, Tyler is getting into position on the tree, a smile spread wide across his face.

Jules, on the other hand, still looks nervous, her eyes wide as she chews on her lower lip. Once she sees me though, she relaxes.

Even though there’s friction between us, she clearly cares what happens to me. How could I have let someone like her get away?

“Did you hit bottom?” Tyler shouts over the water.

I stare at Jules as I answer him. “No, didn’t feel a thing.

It’s safe.” I turn to Tyler and point at where I jumped in.

“Just aim for there, it’s probably the deepest spot.

” I swim to where the rope is dangling in the water and grab the end of it, swimming it back to shore where I hand it off to him.

I climb out of the water as Tyler swings. He whoops when he releases the rope, dropping into the water with a loud splash. My lips can’t help but smile. Something about the combination of sunshine and water always makes me feel like a kid again. Especially here.

Stepping carefully over roots, I make my way to where Jules is standing on the riverbank. “Are you going to jump?”

She shifts on her feet, most likely wanting to put distance between us. But she doesn’t step away.

“Probably not.”

“Why not?” My shorts and cut-off tee are dripping wet, forming puddles in the dirt around my feet.

“Someone has to be responsible.” She looks at me with her chocolate-colored gaze. “And if I were to get hurt, you and Ty wouldn’t be able to save me. I’m the nurse.” She looks away to watch Tyler swimming back. “I always have to be on guard.”

Her words are a slap in the face, and I stand there slack-jawed.

There’s no way she’s talking about the rope swing.

The feeling and meaning behind those words cut deep into my soul.

She might have said it like she was talking about getting hurt on a jump, but what she really means is I hurt her heart.

She’s always had her guard up, afraid someone would hurt her or leave her, and I only proved that she’s right.

I did those things. I caused her to lower her guard, she fell for me, and then I left her to suffer the consequences alone.

Tyler makes it to the edge of the water and exclaims he wants to swing again, but I’m lost deep in my thoughts.

He doesn’t seem to notice as he climbs the tree once more, ready for another jump.

Jules turns away from me to stand by her belongings, and we silently wait for Tyler before we all slide our kayaks back into the river and make our way downstream to make camp.