Page 37 of Meeting Me, Loving You (Hearts of Maple Lake #1)

JULIET

I t’s been a few days since Cam brought me home to my apartment where he spent the night in my bed, holding me close while I drifted off to sleep.

It was nice having someone hold me. Some days I feel emotionally strong, while other days leave me feeling exhausted, and it became clear to me as he was heading for the door that night that I’m scared of being alone.

Falling over the handlebars of the bike was the most eye-opening experience of my life.

The force of my head on the cement was deafening, even through the helmet, and for a moment, I thought I would never have the chance to follow through on the dreams I had been suppressing.

Life is short and there should never be room for regrets.

In the moment of impact, and the minutes following it, all I wanted was to make peace with the things in my life that hadn’t gone according to my plan.

I wanted to make peace with the fact that Natalie is no longer in my life and that she may never come back.

Make peace with my choice to stay in Maple Lake while my family moved on without me.

And I wanted to make peace with my feelings that continue to grow toward Cam, even if he doesn’t feel the same.

I began to realize as we’ve spent hours, and days, and months together, he is the one and only person I’ve been able to experience genuine happiness with since Natalie left town.

But I haven’t wanted to admit it to anyone, least of all myself.

Cam reminds me of the good times of childhood, when all we felt was free and we had endless possibilities to chase.

His smile takes my breath away, and his touch is an endless fire, sucking the oxygen from my lungs until I’ve joyfully given him everything I can.

He deserves everything in the world for the dedicated, selfless man that he is.

I can’t stop thinking about the way he took care of me on the day of the accident.

First, carrying me for miles as I bled on his chest, and then staying at the hospital for hours late into the night.

He made sure I had my medications, gave me food, cared for Dax, and spent a whole night holding me so I wouldn’t have to relive the accident alone.

More than once, I’ve reached for my phone with the intention of calling Cam to tell him how I really feel.

But then the reality of his potential rejection permeates my bones, pulling me down like an anchor, and the hope I have dwindles.

Then I toss my phone on the couch and attempt to distract my mind, and most of all my heart, with my studies.

Since the accident, my days have consisted of staying home most of the time.

I can’t go back to work yet, and it’s a hassle to walk anywhere with my sprained ankle.

Even taking Dax out of the building a few times a day is a struggle right now.

Thankfully, Ali has offered to help with Dax, and she’s brought dinner over almost every night this week.

I’ve been studying all afternoon, struggling to keep my thoughts far enough from Cam to concentrate, but it’s useless.

No matter how my feelings have grown toward him, I continue to see the fear written on his face when he told me his tattoo “leads back to Maple Lake, my real home. And… it would seem, back to you.” And I froze.

I didn’t say anything, I just stared at him.

And when I finally rallied enough courage to say what was on my heart, he got up and walked away.

Taking a deep breath, I huff out a long sigh.

It’s been difficult to focus on anything since then. There are words I need to say to Cam, but I’m scared he won’t want to listen. Or maybe everything I’m feeling isn’t real, like it’s just some part of a dream, and I’m bound to wake up and realize he isn’t really here at all.

I wish I knew what to do.

And I wish I knew what he wanted.

My hands flip aimlessly through my notes when I hear Ali knocking on my door. I walk-hop my way to the door, opening it to see Ali with a brown paper bag from the diner.

“Shirley’s homemade meatloaf,” she announces, pushing her glasses up her nose.

“I got it right after work, so it’s fresh.

I haven’t even changed out of my work clothes.

” She points at her jeans and plain black tee with the Le Fou logo, and I note how they look mostly clean with only hints of flour and coffee marks on them.

Her black hair is a loose, curly mop on the top of her head, and there’s a large bag hanging from her shoulder that I know holds a plethora of crafting materials.

We dish out our meal in the kitchen and I supply cheap wine I find in my fridge, making our girls night a rather unceremonious event.

Ali wants to know how I’m feeling and hear more about the night Cam stayed over, as well as the tourist activities we have planned.

So for what seems like hours—but is probably just fifteen minutes—I tell her what I can, leaving my own feelings and realizations on the matter aside for the moment.

After dinner, Ali sends me to the living room and cleans up the kitchen, ignoring my protests that I can do it later.

I’m sitting on the floor, threading beads onto a friendship bracelet while the TV plays in the background, and we’ve been easily conversing from the two open rooms. She walks back to the living room with a large plastic bowl in her hands.

The throw pillows from the couch are piled around the floor and blankets cover my legs.

Dax is enjoying cuddles and tummy scratches from me, until Ali arrives, and he shifts toward her instead.

I’m positive she’s his favorite human, aside from me.

“And that’s it, they’ve just been like little field trips.

I have to admit, it’s been nice to have activities outside of work and school.

And the study buddy deal is a great perk too.

It’s really been helping my scores and my overall test preparedness.

I don’t feel as nervous going into my exams as I did before I started studying with Cam. ”

“Aww, this is so cute!” Ali’s eyes are wide and dreamy. “You two are totally going to get married and have little mountain babies!”

I slap her leg. “Stop it, Ali! It’s not like that.” I play with the beads in my hand, keeping my eyes focused on the pattern of the bracelet I’m making. “He could still just be passing through. Here today, gone tomorrow.” I wave a hand through the air, imitating a leaf blown away on the wind.

“Juliet, you know he’s not just passing through. He bought a house here. He’s staying.” Ali moves to the floor, laying the bowl of popcorn beside me and picking up a string and a handful of beads for herself.

“I know, but people’s plans change. Maybe this is where he thought he wanted to be, but he’ll realize over time that this isn’t a forever home. I’m sure he misses some of the energy that’s only found in a big city.” I grab a handful of popcorn and shove it in my mouth.

“Girl, look at me.” I do, chewing obnoxiously as I work to make my facial expressions impassive.

“Cam is a man who knows what he wants. He wants to be here. I doubt anything could rip him away from these mountains. And, if the way he looks at you is any indication, I’d say he doesn’t have any plans on leaving you either.

” Her voice is slow and sure, and I only wish I could be as optimistic as her, knowing what I know of Cam’s recent reactions.

I swallow, rolling my eyes. “Ugh, you’re just saying that because you’re all hyped up on romance and finding the one . How are things going with Trey?” I say, taking the chance to roll the conversation away from me.

“Well, after I got over the fact that he has a douchey name, I’ve realized I really like him. We’re compatible, you know?” She digs through a small box of letter beads.

Wrapping my hands around my throat in a playful show that resembles choking, I cry out, “Eww, the love… in the air… it’s killing me.”

Ali laughs, pulling at my hands until they’re away from my neck. She scoots closer to me on the carpet, her hands holding mine. “I think he’s the one, Jules.”

I stop laughing. “Are we talking about Trey or Cam?” Heat crawls up my neck, and I have to fight the urge to look away from her.

“Trey, duh.” She rolls her eyes, her gaze sparkling.

“He said he wants to get more serious, meet my parents and introduce me to his family. Trey told me he’s never felt this way about someone before, and he wants to take the next step.

” Ali has literal hearts in her eyes, and she squeals, holding my hands tight between us.

“I’m so happy for you,” I say. But my voice deceives me, falling flat a smidge too soon.

Ali drops our hands to the floor between us. “Why do you sound sad?” she asks .

“I’m not! I promise,” I clear my throat, annoyed at myself for letting her notice my insecurity. “Seriously, I’m so happy for you! I just… I don’t know, I guess I’m nervous that he’s going to take you away from here?” I give her a smile, but I know it’s weak.

Lifting my hands again, Aliana holds them to her heart as her face softens.

“No matter where I go, if I ever leave, I will always have you with me. We’d talk on the phone all the time and I’d text you every day, so much that you’d be sick of me.

” She giggles. Then, after a pause, she says, “And I’d say goodbye first.”

My well of emotion overflows and tears leak from my eyes, running over and down my cheeks. I wipe at them roughly, trying to laugh them away.

“I’m sorry, Ali. This is happy news for you, I don’t know why I’m always crying lately.”

“It’s okay, Jules. You’re allowed to be sad about change.

You’ve been through so many difficult things over the years, and there have been a lot of changes around here lately with Cam moving back to town, and you actually getting out of your comfort zone and being adventurous. ” She gives me a knowing smile.

“Yeah, I guess.” I wipe at my cheeks.

“But, as your friend, I’m going to tell you something. And I know you’re going to shrug it off and say it doesn’t mean anything, because that’s what you do; you get defensive and hide yourself behind a wall.”

“Ali—”

“No, Jules,” she raises a hand. “You need to hear this.” I rise from the floor, being careful to put only minimal pressure on my sore ankle, and sit on the couch, stiffening my spine to take whatever verbal punches she’s going to throw at me.

“The Juliet I know is always busy working and doing school. You always stay in town, you never leave or have any fun. But, since Cam moved back, I’ve seen you change. ”

I shake my head, but she continues, giving me a stern look that says listen, don’t speak .

“Since you’ve been spending time with him, I’ve seen you smile. I’ve seen you open up your heart to new experiences, and I’ve seen you be happy . I haven’t seen you be genuinely happy since before Natalie left.”

Tears threaten to flow from my eyes again, the heat of them pooling in the corners of my lids.

Ali finally stands as well and comes to sit beside me on the couch, our legs touching as if she knows I need physical contact to get through this torrent of emotions.

Her voice is soft but also strong, making sure I hear and understand every word she says.

“You’ve been hiding from happiness because you’re afraid that anyone who could make you feel amazing, could also be the same person who could break your heart. But you have to give yourself a chance… you should give Cam a chance.”

“I don’t think he wants a chance, Ali. He’s had plenty of opportunities to make a move, and he never does.

He runs from it, just like I do.” My voice is high.

I lower my head, realizing I just admitted to what she said.

I’ve been running from finding my happiness.

I’ve been hiding behind my work and my degree, and I’ve kept myself from feeling alive and free by putting down roots here when there was no reason to stay that benefitted me.

I stayed for Natalie’s sake and, although I always knew that was the case, I hadn’t admitted to myself that this choice I’d made has been doing more harm than good.

Not until now.

“I think you’re wrong about him,” Ali says, wrapping her arm around my back.

She tugs me close, and I fall sideways, my body leaning into hers.

My stitches are still sore though, so I maneuver my shoulders into a comfortable position.

“And if you’re not wrong about him… well then, I’ll just have to deal with him myself. ”

We both laugh at the image of little Aliana giving a big guy like Cam a piece of her mind.

She pulls away and looks at me. “You good?” she asks.

“I’m good,” I reply.

“Good. Now let’s get this movie started!”

Ali grabs the TV remote and we both get comfortable on the couch with Dax cuddled between us. We eat popcorn and watch one of our favorite movies. And for a few blissful hours, I forget to worry about anything.