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I smena has never heard such pain reflected in another person's voice before. It made her heart tighten further in her chest like someone was squeezing hard on it and refused to let go. "I'm so sorry, Wolfaraine... It wasn't your—"

"No. Do not think about telling me that it is not my fault Ismena." Looking away from his bloody hands, he focused his gaze out of the window, "That lie does nothing for me. That lie does not change that I failed my sister, Nalaila, in every sense of the word."

She'd thought it was a mistake that he'd mentioned that name before, but now she knows for sure that it wasn't a mistake. So, Nalaila is his sister...?

Aila. Nalaila. Of course.

Now, she felt very guilty for even feeling remotely jealous the few times that name came up. His unusual reactions at the mention of that name finally made sense.

"So, you see why I hate humans so much?" His tone hard, "I cannot unhate your kind, Ismena. I do not know how to."

Oh, yes, she understands. It hurts but she does understand. Ismena cannot imagine herself going through half of what he went through. And her hand was still placed on his shoulder .

She didn't let go. "What happened...after?"

A shake of his head. "As you know, changeling's bodies are all about compatibility.

A changeling male can only impregnate their mates because that is the only person his body is compatible with.

" He swallowed, "But what a few of us only knows as rumors and baseless theories is that it's possible for pregnancy to occur among relatives, because of compatibilities too. "

Ismena froze. "Nalaila... Did she g-get pregnant?"

The tensed silence and no reaction from him caused her heart to come up to her throat...and more tears welled up her eyes.

"No." He replied in a low voice at last.

Ismena didn't know she was holding her breath till she heard that part. "Oh, thank God."

"But she began menstruating." He added in a pained tone, "Which proved the theories and rumors right. If I'd touched my sister again, there is every chance that I would get her pregnant. I knew that. The scientists knew that. And Nalaila must have realized that too."

"Oh my God..." Her hands covered her mouth, "Did they...?"

"No. When the drugs to be in wolf form wore off, Nalaila never shifted from her wolf-form again. That frustrated the scientists to no end and killed me a little more inside everyday."

The pain in those cold blue-eyes was visible even as he stared out into the night. "She remained in wolf-form, no matter how many drugs they pumped into her to shift. She lost the willpower to shift...till today. It's been eighteen years."

Tears blurred Ismena's eyes, clouding her throat and making it hard to speak. How did he live with such gut-wrenching pain for eighteen years ?

"Where is she now...? Your sister?"

"Third floor. Last bedroom. Never ever go there, Ismena, or anywhere close to that part of the tower. Nalaila hates even the slightest smell of humans."

And who can blame her? Ismena thought miserably.

"After we broke out of there, Nalaila was so close to becoming a Wild One.

She hurt people...almost killed a female.

She...was feral." He said that word like it choked him, "If she ever hunts and kills any innocent changeling, she will be put to death like a Wild One.

So, father had to lock her up in that room so she would not break out again.

" Curt tone that almost hid agony. Almost.

"I am so sorry." Even that sounded inadequate to her own ears. The tears wouldn't stop coming either. "What about your parents...?"

Shrugging her hand away from his shoulder like he couldn't bear to be touched, he stated, "It was too much for my mother to bear...all of it, especially what happened to Nalaila. What became of her little girl.." A pause, "She took her own life on the fifth day after we returned."

Ismena gasped. Shaky hands rose to cover her mouth.

All the stars in the sky have disappeared and the sight of the halfmoon was almost invisible, Wolfaraine observed. The night is now dark. Lightless. Pitch blackness.

Like his heart. His soul.

"A mate's death is like losing a huge part of yourself. The pain is unbearable. Insurmountable." He continued, "My father fell sick. The best doctors and physicians of Naturiah did everything they could to save him..."

"But they couldn't...?" She whispered as fresh tears left her eyes. God, she hurts for this male. This strong changeling in front of her that has known the most painful pain nobody should ever know in this life.

His head bobbed once. "Everybody knew what was killing him. It takes willpower and inner-strength to survive after your mate dies but my father didn't have any, because he has lost his will to live. My mother was his life." Blue eyes glazed over with memories. "He followed months later."

"God..!" Ismena cried. God, she can't imagine herself.

"You are the strongest male I have ever met." She admitted tearfully.

He shook his head slowly. His head was beginning to pound. With the memories revived and fresh in his head, his head was beginning to bang like a horse was stomping hard in his brain.

But then again, it is nothing compared to what he is feeling in his heart. Not even the wounds on his body compared.

He wished he never revived all those dark wells of pain that is the past. Wished he never twisted the doorknob that held all the darkness inside him in a leech.

Finally, he turned back to her. "I hurt you with my words in the evening, especially after you risked your life throwing yourself in my way when I was in cougar-form.

You saved me from going over the deep ends and all I did about that was to hurt you with my blunt words and make you feel unwanted. I felt very bad about it."

His eyes met hers. "The truth is that if I did that confrontation all over again, my answers would still be the same. But it is not because I find you undesirable. I want you too much, and that is the problem." He did not expect this pull between them to be so strong .

"I... understand." And she did. It hurts because her life is on the line here, but opening himself up to her helped her to understand all too clearly, the impossibility of her situation from all around.

Indeed, I will die in a few weeks.

He continued, "I do not want to mate anybody, both human or changeling.

Once the mating ritual is performed, the female MUST get pregnant if she isn't already pregnant through their intimacy before the ritual.

The mating ritual is nothing to joke with and its bond always creates a child on that night. Always."

it was all the truth, although that is only but one reason why he does not want a mate.

A male like him does not deserve the happiness that comes with mating. Not after everything. Not after Nalaila.

Suddenly, he was exhausted. For the first time in a long time, he was tired in every single way. He cannot do this anymore, tonight.

So, he stepped away from the window and headed towards the big wardrobe that dominated one part of the huge bedroom. "Goodnight, Ismena. You cannot go back to Eline's this night, it is very late already. You can sleep in the bedroom next to mine."

But Ismena does not want to part from him. "Wait...!" The word tore from her throat before she could hold it in.

He stopped and turned.

A thought has taken root in her mind.

It was scary...it was a painful route that might only lead to disaster, but her mind was not letting go .

"We d-don't have to mate to...be intimate right?" Ismena cannot believe that the courage to ask that came from her.

But, in the darkness of this night; her walls of self-preservation crumbled, his past surrounding them and her feelings all over the place, she found herself whispering, "You don't have to mate with me if that is not what you want. But we can be intimate without becoming mates, right?"

"What are you saying, Ismena?" He was almost sure he isn't hearing her correctly.

Her cheeks warmed, but she whispered bravely. "I'm offering s-sex with no strings attached. We do not have to be mates. We do not have to do the m-mating ritual."

Yes, he'd heard her right, alright. The unexpected happened. His hunger for her roared back to life in seconds.

Wolfaraine would never think it was possible, but the hardening of his díck and the intense urge to grab hold of her, hold her up to the nearest wall, and fuck into her until she screams his name over and over and over again, cannot be mistaken.

"You do not know what you are asking for, Ismena." The hunger that never really abated...instead, was buried under tons of pains, guilt and agony were back with dominating force.

"But, I do. We don't have to be mates but we can feed this overriding hunger for each other. You can feel it too, can't you?" She asked, softly.

Of course, he can feel it. It does not help that his eyes lowered and for the first time, he noticed the towel that wrapped around her body.

It does not help that he knows that she is naked under that towel...

No. He looked away. "It is dangerous. "

But Ismena had caught the flash of the raw hunger in his eyes before he looked away and it strengthened her resolve.

She does not want to go to bed alone tonight. She wants to be with him. On his bed. In his arms.

She'd felt her skin crawl when Donas kissed her, the realization came to her in that drunk state that he is the only man she wants. The only man her body will ever want so desperately. Even if the odds are not looking good at all, she cannot give up like that.

So, she started walking towards him. "I know. About getting pregnant, you can do whatever you can not to get me pregnant—"

"And what about killing you?" He inserted, arching his brows. "The cougar will kill you, Ismena."

"I'm already dying." She whispered softly, taking another step towards him, "If we do not.

..become intimate, I will die anyway. Yes, you have painful pasts that stay alive inside you.

Yes, you are a very scary male that scares the very devil outta me half of the time. But you are the only male I want."

She admitted, her cheeks flushed, "I want you so much, Wolfaraine. No other male will do...not even if I happen to find another male I'm compatible with."

He gritted his teeth behind his mouth. The amount of rage he felt as his head conjuredup her being in the arms of another male surprised him.

But still...

"I can't sleep with you knowing that there is every possible chance that I will lose every control and the cougar will take over. I cannot sleep with you knowing that I can tear you to pieces at the slightest mistake." He stated, hoarsely .

"Then, don't." Another soft whisper. Walking into his personal space, she raised her hand and placed it on his chest. "Then, don't let yourself lose all control. I have never met a male more in control of himself than you."

He laughed mirthlessly. "Control is not easy to apply, Ismena. I know that more than anyone. I was unable to apply that control, eighteen years ago. Not for Nalaila and not for Pouty." He knew he'd made a mistake immediately after he completed that sentence.

"Pouty? Who is she?" She asked, curiously.

In the silence that followed, Ismena became sure that he would not answer her.

Then, "A small girl. I do not know her name, so I referred to her as Pouty in my drugged mind, eighteen years ago. She was so small. Seven or eight, probably. She was always pouting...and talking. Talks too much in that little voice of hers."

"She was one of the...experiments?"

His head nodded. Once. "Not at first."

An ugly feeling rose inside him. So dark and ugly, he snapped the door closed again. "I cannot talk about the little girl. I do not want to." He cannot bear to... especially tonight.

Ismena bobbed her head in understanding, not wanting to pressure him especially after he just released the painful memories of his sister.

"Okay." She whispered.

Silence descended again .

He turned away from her, hoping she would stop touching him. His demands for her were increasing by the minute.

His body demands for her to heal him.

His wolf demands for her to soothe them.

His head demands for her to erase his memories...even if it's just for this night.

This woman behind him has no idea the kind of fire she is playing with. He is barely hanging on a thread. "Go to bed, Ismena."

"No." She wrapped her arms around his back, stepping so close to him that her body touched his.

Taking a step away from her which in turn severed all physical contact with her, he whirled around and faced her again. "You have no idea what you are asking for. Go away, Ismena. Go into that room now that I am giving you a chance."

A shiver worked down her spine at the harsh, angry command. She was nervous all the way to her throat.

But, she didn't move. "That night... in the balcony, you gave me instructions to follow. Do you remember? You can give me more of those instructions, tonight. I will follow all of them."

"That was different. My díck was not buried inside you." He stated bluntly. But, the reminder of that night in the balcony has his díck lengthening to painful degrees.

"Maybe." She admitted, her nervousness skyrocketing.

He is right, she might not know what she is asking for considering all that surrounds them. But she knows for sure that she does not want to go to bed...alone...tonight.

She also knows that talking to him is not getting them anywhere .

So, she did the next impulsive thought that came to her head.

Her eyes holding his, Ismena raised her hands to the knot that held her towel together...

"What do you think you are do—"

The rest of the words never made it past his throat as the towel unwrapped from her body and dropped on the floor.

He lost it.

One moment he was talking, the next, he has her pushed to the wall beside the bed, his arms wrapped around her and his tongue buried deep inside her mouth.

Ismena knew she has won.

But victory came with fear of the unknown and nervousness of what this night will be.