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Ismena does not know what to say. She was tongue-tied and her chest hurts too much. For him. And for their future as mates, if they ever have one.

Staring out in the darkness of the night, he wore his pains on his features. "You know, I thought I would break one-day; go insane or die. It was too much. Everything was too much. The pains. The drugs. Aila's screams. My people's roars of anguish. Everything."

Blood spilled where his claws broke the skin of his palms, "For the six months I stayed in that hell, my hatred for humans grew as fast as the foxglove tree.

Everyone of their monstrous action was like fertilizer to that hate until it became as large as the General Sherman tree.

Me and my other halves especially the cougar. "

It was just one human that he wasn't able to keep hating. One small girl...

Shit! An imaginary loud clang sounded on his head with the force he banged the door of that memory shut.

Never think of her.

Never ever think of her.

If you ever want to keep sanity close, never think of her, ever again.

On the other hand, Ismena was remembering Wolfaraine's rage in cougar form clearly when he chased her earlier in the day. The murder-look in its green eyes is not something that can be easily forgotten.

Also, Alphose's words earlier came back to her.

"The cougar does not like you, so beware of his eyes going all green."

A cold shiver worked through her spine .

"I was not surprised that the King-Cougar's rage and hate for humans surpassed that of the King-Wolf because the cougar protected us the most in those hellish months; my mortal form and in wolf-form.

Taking every drug those doctors stuck into me in wolf-form and absorbing itself. It damaged the cougar badly."

Her voice finally worked. "How...?" It came out hoarse.

He thought of ways to explain it better, "In animal form, we are basically instinctive and not rational or reasonable like we are in mortal form.

But even at that, I am more in control in wolf form than in cougar form.

That part of me is so damaged, I am tethering at the edge of the insanity because of the basic instincts that are riding it all the time, especially when I'm in mortal form.

" A pause, "To Kill. To Destroy. Those are the only instincts the cougar knows now. "

Suddenly, his words in the afternoon were making more sense now.

"Today, if I had caught you in the form of the mountain lion, I would have killed you in the most horrible way. That was the instinct I was riding on. If I had caught you...if Alphose hadn't stopped me...I would have torn you apart."

His face cold and blank, he continued. "I killed every single human female those doctors threw my way for me to breed."

He heard her shocked gasp behind him.

Wolfaraine only shrugged, his eyes overlooking the foxglove tree a few miles away, "Every single one of them.

A part of me was drugged and goes right ahead to ravish the human at that moment, to relieve the overriding ache in my body, while another part of me—the cougar—lies in wait.

..," A pause, "...waiting for me to lose control in the climax, then the rest is history.

I wake up to blood and bones of the female I had sex with. "

"God..." Ismena pitied all those women, even as her heart weeped for him. They were all victims .

He threw a look over his shoulders, "That is one of the reasons you and I will never work, Ismena. There is every chance that you would end up like those women. It is not a good way to go."

Then, he faced front again. A muscle ticked in his jaw, "Anyway, after four months, those monsters began raging about the realization that they aren't getting my child anytime soon because I killed all the human females, and haven't impregnated any of the changeling females they'd drugged and dragged to my cage too. "

"Right on their faces, assholes." Ismena muttered her agreement, wiping the tears from her eyes. She sniffled, feeling a bit happy that they didn't get what they want.

But Wolfaraine didn't share her enthusiasm. If anything, she saw his body go taut.

"So, they decided that it's better they bring in a relative because there is a better chance of pregnancy since our bodies are related." For the first time since he began his narration, his pain was heard in his voice.

Ismena was beginning to get the idea.

"No..." Her eyes widened. "No, God no..." Heavens, God, no. She shook her head, hard.

"No..." Her voice trembled. Anything but this...

Blood dripped from his hands where his fangs were cutting himself. The wolf howled in misery inside him. The mountain lion roared in agony inside him.

His tone was hoarse when he spoke again.

"I was too drugged when I saw my ten-year-old sister again after months.

Months...of hearing her scream almost all the time.

Even drugged to the point of overdose, I can still remember seeing her again in her mortal form when they dragged her in and locked the cage.

The terror in her eyes...but at the same time, the trust in those brown-eyes too. "

"No. No...please..." Tears flowed freely from her eyes. She can't hear more. God, she doesn't want to hear this.

"She was close to breaking point, I could see it in her eyes on that day." He swallowed to wet his throat again. "I was overdosed, and on that day I was almost sure that the excruciating pain will be the death of me. The pain was too much, Ismena."

He raised his hands and looked at his bloodied palms. The hands he'd dragged and devoured his sister with.

His head was filled with the memories of that day...

The day he raped his own baby sister.

The day he broke Aila.

The day he killed Nalaila.

Over the months, he'd heard Aila scream so much, the sound of it were imprinted in his tortured mind forever. But the sound of her screams on that day were different.

More agonizing. She pleaded with him. Struggled to escape from his arms while he tore her apart from the inside out.

Even in his feral mind, those moments were imprinted in his mind. The moments that damaged him forever.

A soft feather-like touch on his arm jerked him out of that dark vortex of nightmare back to the harsh realities that are his life.

"Wolfaraine..." She whispered behind him. Her voice tearful, he doesn't need to look behind to know that she is crying .

Voice dead and toneless, he whispered, "I hurt her badly, Ismena. I failed Nalaila in every sense of that word.