Page 29 of Malice: The Mate Games (Apocalypse #3)

Chapter

Twenty-Two

MERRI

W ho knew the horseman Pestilence would giggle in his sleep? I sure didn’t, but here we were, napping on my bed after an amazing dreamwalk together, and the man giggled loud enough it woke me.

Out of all the horsemen, Malice and Grim were both restrained, but it was Malice who always felt the most closed off.

I’d managed to learn things about Grim through his love of plants and the conflict he felt about his power, but Malice was locked up tighter than a cock cage—or maybe a chastity belt.

So this rare moment of unfiltered vulnerability from him was the equivalent of waving a hot fudge sundae under my nose. It was absolutely irresistible.

His chest rose and fell in that deep, rhythmic way you only achieved through sleep, and I wanted nothing more than to stay here with my body against his, listening for more of those uninhibited laughs his dream was causing.

Glancing up at his face, I had to fight a sigh at his handsome features.

Chiseled cheekbones, an aristocratic nose, insanely long eyelashes that went blond at the tips, full kissable lips with just the tiniest indentation in the middle of the bottom one, which somehow only made it seem more lush—hence the reason I bit the fuck out of it during our dream.

He even had the slightest dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose that made him seem almost boyish in his sleep.

Even with the sexy golden stubble covering his jaw.

He might be the lord of Pestilence, but he was pretty as all hell.

“I feel you staring at me, hellcat,” he murmured, eyes still closed.

“Is that a crime?”

One amethyst eye opened, then closed again. “No. I suppose not. Unless you’re plotting against me.”

“Mmmm... not at the moment.” I trailed my fingertip across his defined chest, circling one nipple and watching as it tightened. “I’ll let you know if that changes.”

“I’m waiting with bated breath.”

At first I thought he might scoot away from me, leave, and go take care of whatever it was Pestilence did, but he simply tightened his hold on me and pulled me closer.

I didn’t anticipate the wave of relief the cuddle sent through me. I guess part of me had been worried that the intimacy we’d shared in the dream wouldn’t translate to the real world. Not because he hadn’t meant it, but because Malice didn’t usually allow himself to express his feelings.

“You’re not doing a very good job of hiding your thoughts, Merri. I can feel your relief.”

“I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you. This is nice, you and me in bed. I just didn’t expect you to be a cuddles-after-sex kind of guy.”

A low, rumbling chuckle vibrated through his chest as he ran his knuckles down my side. “Honestly, I didn’t think I was either. In my limited experience, cuddling wasn’t on the menu.”

This felt like an opening to ask about his last relationship, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment with something that clearly still weighed on him. Before I could decide whether to risk it, Malice let out another laugh and an amused, “Fuck.”

“What’s so funny?”

“Sin.”

I pushed myself up on my elbow so I could look down at him. “You’re lying here with me thinking about Sin ?” I asked in mock outrage.

“He’s going to be so jealous I’m the one getting all the romantic snuggle time. Especially after what you admitted.”

It didn’t feel right talking about my feelings for Sin while lying in Malice’s bed, at least not before Sin and I talked about it, so I just let out a soft hum and snuggled back into Mal’s side.

“That’s between me and him. I owe him that privacy.”

“I owe him as well. After what he did for me, he deserves my respect.”

“What did he do?”

Malice heaved a sigh, his fingers tightening their grip on me for a second before he relaxed. “I couldn’t get free of the demon’s snare. He rescued me.”

I could sense his frustration with himself, so I booped him on the nose. “You’re a very handsome damsel.”

“Quite.”

Tension had his jaw set and brows pulled tight. I wasn’t going to let him shut down, not now that we’d made such progress.

“What did the demon show you?”

“One of my greatest desires and most terrible fears, all wrapped in one package.”

Malice didn’t have to say anything else. I knew exactly what he was referring to. Somehow we’d already found our way back to the topic I was most curious about. Instinct warned me that I might never get another chance to ask him about his son.

“She showed you Pan,” I stated, keeping my voice even and free of any kind of judgment.

His knuckles continued to drag back and forth along my body, a soothing gesture for both of us, I suspected. “Yes. She knew he would be the key to my undoing.”

“Have you ever...” I bit down on my lip, second-guessing myself. The last thing I wanted was for Malice to think I was prying and shut me out again. It certainly hadn’t ended well for me the last time I’d treaded where he hadn’t wanted me.

“Tried to find him?” he guessed.

I nodded.

“Countless times.”

“No luck?”

“I’ve seen him. Watched him grow.”

“But you haven’t met him?”

“No. Not once. I couldn’t risk his life for my own selfish desires.”

I hated this for him. So much. All Malice wanted was to know his son, but if he took any opportunity to speak to him face-to-face, Pan would be killed.

“I can’t imagine how hard that is for you. I’m so sorry, Mal.”

He let out a derisive snort. “It’s probably for the best. The last thing he needs is another shit parent interfering with his life. I mean, I’m a horseman. What do I know about rearing a child?”

I sat up and adjusted my body until I was facing him. “What does anyone know about it? No one goes into parenthood with the knowledge of how to not fuck up their kid.”

“Isn’t that the entire point?”

“Yep. And even the best parents still mess up. No one is perfect.”

Malice made a soft, non-committal sound, his eyes not quite meeting mine.

“I mean it, Mal. You would make an excellent father. Not because you’d be perfect at it, but because you would be you.”

His eyes snapped to mine, hope and disbelief at war in the amethyst depths. “You’re just being kind.”

“I’m not. Look at what you’ve done for me.

You’re an amazing teacher. Patient when you want to be.

Think of all the things you could have taught your son.

And you’re actually pretty selfless. Whenever I’ve needed you most, you’ve set aside your own interests to take care of me.

Not just once, but many times. And I know without a single doubt that you would do it again without a second thought. You’re devoted, Malice. Loyal. Caring.”

He stopped me with a finger on my lips. “Enough,” he said in a rough voice.

Taking his hand, I held it tightly before looking him directly in the eyes and saying, “You are a good man, Malice. One of the best men I’ve ever known. You deserve to be happy.”

He held my gaze, and I watched his throat bob a couple of times before he managed, “I have had little opportunity to know happiness, Merri. But you... you make me happy.”

Well, shit.

My eyes burned with the threat of tears, and I had to blink a few times to clear them. “Ditto.”

Malice snorted a laugh. “Look at us making declarations.” He rolled his eyes as he let out a long-suffering sigh. “I will have you know, Meredith Deveraux, that I make it a point to avoid feelings.”

“Oh yeah?”

He nodded, his lips twisting into a wry grin. “It would seem that when it comes to you, I break all of my rules.”

That made my heart flutter, along with other parts of me. “Good. You need to loosen up.”

“Think I’m a stodgy old horseman, do you?”

“Yep.”

He surprised me by grabbing me around the waist and pulling me astride him. “I’ll show you.”

And that’s exactly what he did all morning long.