Page 15 of Malice: The Mate Games (Apocalypse #3)

Chapter

Ten

MERRI

CallMeMommy: Pretty girl, are you ghosting us?

EverySteve: No need to play hard to get. We all watched you fuck that guy, the pussy is out of the bag.

ShyGuy25: Merri, where are you? Please let us know you’re okay.

OnMyKnees4U: I’m fucking horny, and I need you to do something about it, baby girl.

Bob1212: I knew it. That rockstar stole her from us.

Magic_Fingie_Dingies: Did you die?

Mayor_Poundtown: You haven’t had any lives in almost two weeks. I pay for multiple posts a day and your livestreams. This is bullshit.

ThisLilPiggy: What happened to selfcare Sunday? I thought you were going to test out that new pink polish for us?

CallMeMommy: Has anybody heard from her?

Bob1212: She did a private session with me about a week ago.

TIs4Tony: What gives? Is my money not good enough for you anymore? Do I have to book privates if I want to get off now?

PimpinAintCheezy: Fuck this. I’m out.

JohnBoy27: @Magic_Fingie_Dingies dude, that’s not funny. She really could have.

CumGutters11: If you’re not posting anymore, I’m taking my big dick somewhere else.

CreamPieLover: RIP Merri. I’ll miss your tits the most.

TheRealMan: Can we get a refund if she did?

CallMeMommy: @TheRealMan you’re a dick. I hope you suffer from anal leakage, shithead.

TheRealMan: Fuck off. Everyone else here was wondering the same thing.

MakeItClap22: At least give me a picture of your pretty pussy to remember you by. It’s not healthy for a guy to let his pipes get backed up.

I finished scrolling through the wall of posts my subscribers had left on my wall with a heavy sigh.

Interacting with my site had never felt like a chore, but with the state of the world and my new nightly festivities, I just didn’t think I had the bandwidth—or frankly, the need—to continue maintaining it.

Merri’s Playground had been born of necessity, not desire. I had no connection to any of my clients... well, except for one. My focus drifted back to Cole’s comment. I’d distanced myself for a reason, and he was still showing up for me. Still concerned about me.

I flicked my focus to the cell phone sitting face down on my bedside table. It had been days since I’d turned it on, and I was nervous about what might await me when I did.

More comments popped up on my feed, distracting me from my worries about Cole.

My subscribers were getting angrier by the second.

The old Merri would have jumped right on and given them what they wanted, but the truth was, even if I had the energy to keep this going, I didn’t want to.

My entire reason for keeping it going this long was so that I could feed without hurting anybody.

But now I had a different solution, one that was more satisfying in just about every sense of the word.

And if I was being really honest, something about interacting with strangers this way didn’t feel right anymore.

Feelings were involved now, for sure between me and Sin, but I’d be willing to bet it was true for the others as well.

Regardless of how they felt for me, I couldn’t deny I cared for all four of them.

That was only going to be more true now that the dreamwalks were back on the table.

Which meant that it was time for me to make a decision.

I clicked on the link that would deactivate my page, eyes widening at the notification telling me how many active subscribers would be refunded.

The money wasn’t an issue. I had never touched the funds I earned from TwoLips.

It simply sat in my account, building with every passing day.

This page had been a safety net for me, a place I could always rely on for feeding, a way to survive.

As my cursor hovered over the deactivate button, a wave of panic hit me.

What if this was a mistake? Could I really afford to do this?

Did I want to put my literal eggs all in the horsemen basket?

If they were successful in stopping this apocalypse, they would probably take off and leave me on my own.

Well, I guess not totally alone, because if they’re successful, then I’d probably be pregnant.

I ran a palm over my lower belly, thinking about what it would be like to be carrying one of their children. They wouldn’t just leave. They might not give me their undying devotion, but if Malice is any indicator, they’d want to be there for their child.

You can always start over. You’ve done it once and know what to do now. There’s no reason you can’t come back or pick up where you left off if you need to.

That little reminder was all I needed to shove away any lingering doubt. Relief flooded me as soon as I clicked the link and a notification popped up stating my page was no longer available. It was done. Honestly, I felt kind of free.

In a lot of ways, it was the last of the shackles keeping me bound to my old life.

The one where I was little more than a prisoner locked up behind Iniquity’s walls.

The one where I was so afraid of my power that I barely interacted with anyone and never got to know what real intimacy could be.

Jimmy had been my one moment in time when I’d felt loved, and that ended in tragedy.

For too long, I’d let that overshadow everything else and keep me from truly living. My days could literally be numbered. Technically everyone’s were, but now there was an actual apocalypse looming. What better time to finally start living?

Better late than never.

With a gusty sigh, I reached for my phone and booted it up. I might as well delete the app and corresponding messenger from my phone. Oh, and I should probably give Andi a heads-up before she went looking for me and assumed the worst.

As soon as the screen came to life, a flood of notifications popped up, texts from Andi and Cole taking priority. I tackled Andi’s messages first.

Andi:

Girl, where are you? The playground is getting restless.

Andi:

Helloooooo?

Andi:

WTF is going on? Did that rockstar fuck you so good you forgot what you do for a living?

Andi:

Babes, you might be too busy having orgies with your four hotties to remember, but the world is crazy right now.

The entire ring of fire just blew, and the Grand Canyon actually CLOSED!

!! I don’t even know where you are. Next thing we know, the aliens are going to show up and declare our planet uninhabitable.

Andi:

Can you please just let me know you’re okay?

I felt like such an asshole. She was my closest friend, and I’d left her in the dark.

Me:

I’m okay. Safe for now. I shut down my site, though. I can’t keep it up any longer.

Andi:

OMG. Where are you? Are you sure you’re safe? I can come get you. I just left my place in the city because tensions were mounting, but things are a lot quieter here. And they seem to be out of range of any of the weird shit going on. At least for now.

Me:

I can’t tell you where I am, but I’m fine. I promise.

Andi:

Are you sure? They say the grid is going to go down any minute because of the eruptions. Do you have supplies? This is so scary.

Was that true? Yikes. I should probably head downstairs and see if the others had heard about the latest catastrophe.

With each one, it seemed that the ripple effects were only getting worse.

Which tracked when you realized they were accompanied by the release of one of hell’s Princes and that they signaled the approach of the end of the world.

Me:

I have everything I need here. These guys are the ultimate doomsday preppers.

Andi:

I respect your need for privacy, but could you at least give me a general idea of where you’re staying?

Just like the continent maybe? It wasn’t until the eruptions that I realized you could have been in one of the places that was lost and I would have no way to know.

And then when you stopped responding..

. girl, I was so scared. It would just be such a relief to know if you are in danger or not.

My chest went tight, my skin itchy with anxiety. I didn’t want to put her in more danger. If Lucifer was able to, he’d probably find her and torture the information out of her.

Me:

I’m sorry. I can’t. It’s too dangerous for you to know anything. We’ll get through this, and then when it’s over, you and me on a beach sipping a cocktail, okay?

Andi:

Yeah, okay. Sure. Sounds good.

I could tell that Andi was more than a little hurt that I was still keeping her in the dark. But if she knew what I was trying to protect her from, she’d absolutely understand and forgive me. Maybe one day I would be able to tell her.

Me:

Andi, please don’t be mad. There’s so much happening I wish I could tell you.

Andi:

Whatever. Do what you want.

Me:

I’ll do my best to check in more until the grid goes down. I promise. Keep yourself safe. You’re important to me.

I watched the little text bubbles bouncing, but nothing came through. After a few minutes passed with nothing from her, I realized our conversation was over. I’d fucked up, but I had no idea how else I could’ve handled that. Hopefully she’d forgive me. If we all survived this.

The next message I needed to tackle was one I’d been anxious to open. I knew I’d hurt him by putting distance between us, but I couldn’t make him promises. We weren’t together, we couldn’t ever be, and my heart was being collected piece by piece by four horsemen.

That said, he was still one of my first and only friends.

I’d known Cole almost as long as Andi, and in some respects, the conversations we’d had were much more personal than those I’d had with Andi or the horsemen.

Things might be complicated at the moment, but that didn’t magically undo years of leaning on each other.

He deserved a response from me, at the very least.

Resolved, I clicked on our text thread and pulled up a string of unread messages.

C:

I noticed you’ve been absent for a few days. Are you okay?

C:

Are you at least far enough away from the blast zone? I’m worried about you.

C:

Merri, please. I know we left things in a weird place but I need to know if you’re safe.

Guilt seemed my constant companion these days. It twisted my gut as I read his messages over again.

Me:

I’m okay. Nowhere near the eruptions.

The message changed from delivered to read, but he didn’t reply.

Me:

Cole?

C:

I thought you were dead.

Okay, I probably deserved that.

Me:

My phone has been off. I just found out about the

I struggled to complete my sentence. Andi had only given me a rough sketch of what happened.

I didn’t have a lot of detail. Which was strange when you stopped to think about the scope of the catastrophe, but also, the entire world was ending, and I was on the lam from Old Scratch himself, so you know, my barometer for fucked up shit was really skewed these days.

After several seconds, I resumed my typing.

Me:

...everything. I was worried about you, too.

There. Now it seemed like I picked up my phone when I realized he might be in danger. Maybe that would earn me a few brownie points.

C:

I’m glad you’re okay.

Me:

What about you?

C:

It’s bad. I’ve been keeping my eye on seismic activity after the freak London quake.

That tracked. California was pretty synchronistic with earthquakes. I’d heard people reference how ‘the big one’ was overdue more than once. And with the way Cole loved his research, it made sense he’d fixate on something like that.

C:

Most of the West Coast is gone. Whole towns obliterated like Pompeii.

Jesus. I knew it had to be bad, but the entire coast? Just wiped away? My brain couldn’t even begin to comprehend it.

Me:

But you were spared?

C:

I fled before it happened. I just had a gut feeling and packed my stuff as quickly as I could.

Me:

You actually left your house?

C:

It was between agoraphobia or survival, I chose to survive.

Me:

Where are you now?

C:

I have a lakeside cabin in Illinois. It’s the safest place I could think to go.

I blew out a breath I wasn’t aware of holding.

Me:

Yay for investment properties, I guess.

Me:

Seriously, though. I’m glad you had somewhere safe to flee to.

C:

It’s hard to feel good about it, honestly. A lot of people weren’t as lucky.

Me:

That’s your survivor’s guilt talking. I’m not going to feel bad about being happy you’re safe.

C:

You shut down your site.

That was an abrupt subject change. But I supposed he wasn’t eager to let me back in after I closed the door on the possibility of more between us.

Me:

I had to. For lots of reasons.

C:

I see. Does it have anything to do with that guy?

He meant Sin. And honestly, it did have something to do with Sin, and Grim, and Malice, and Chaos. But how did I tell him that without hurting him?

Me:

He’s not the only reason.

C:

I hope you’re happy, Merri. I really do.

Me:

Stay safe, Cole.

I hated that we were leaving this conversation just as tense and distant as our last one, but I wouldn’t lie to him outright.

He didn’t deserve that, and neither did the four men I was with.

Heaving a sigh, I placed my phone back on the bedside table.

I had plenty on my agenda, and none of it could be taken care of by falling into a doom spiral.

Just as I finished pulling my hair into a ponytail and was about to head downstairs, my phone buzzed.

Heart in my throat, I grabbed it and stared down at the message from Cole.

C:

Find me if you need me. I’m still here for you, Merri.

C would like to share his location with you.