Page 1 of Malice: The Mate Games (Apocalypse #3)

Shot opens with Remi up close and personal with the camera.

Remi: Mmm, looking good, Mercer. I’d fuck me. *kiss noise*

Remi blows himself a kiss and preens a bit more for the camera. After fixing his hair several times, he settles back into his seat and peers into the lens.

Remi: So I guess if you’re watching this, you might be wondering if you’ve died and gone to heaven and whether I’m the angel sent to usher you through the pearly gates.

*snickers* Have no fear. You’re very much alive, just blessed to find yourself on the receiving end of a special message from yours truly. Finally, am I right?

Remi rolls his eyes.

Remi: I don’t know why Asher insists on being so selfish with who gets to film these.

I am an excellent anchorman. And, between you and me, he’s all doom and gloom, and honestly, the world is hard enough, so I figured why not add a little fun to this apocalypse stuff?

I’m sure you’d all appreciate it a hell of a lot more.

Remi casts a glance at something out of frame and adjusts his position on the couch.

rustling clothes

Remi: It’s really fucking messy outside.

Have you guys looked out the window lately?

Fire in the sky, earthquakes... Shit’s going down, and I don’t know if you’ve gotten our previous messages, but we really need you here, like.

.. ASAP. I’m holding everything together for us as it is.

Asher’s told me more than once that I’m the glue, but you guys.

.. a handsome wolf can only do so much. We need you?—

Remi strikes Uncle Sam’s iconic finger-point pose and holds it for several seconds.

Remi: To prevent forest fires. Wait, wrong PSA. *chuckles* Seriously though, we do need you. I don’t think any of us are going to make it through what’s coming without some epic firepower.

door opening

Asher: Remi? What the fuck? Are you in here recording?

Remi looks sheepishly from Asher, standing out of frame, to the camera.

Remi: I’m just giving the people what they want, babe. I can’t help how the camera loves me.

footsteps coming closer

Asher comes into frame and sighs.

Asher: *heavy sigh* Some days I still can’t figure out why I love you.

Remi: Ouch. Shots fired, babe.

Asher: Please. You’re a pain in my ass and you know it.

Remi: But like the good, sexy kind of pain.

Remi winks at the camera.

Remi: You heard it, folks. He loves me.

Asher sits next to Remi.

couch creaks

Asher: So how far did you get before I caught you?

Remi: Just the essentials. The world is ending, I’m still handsome as fuck, come help us. You know, the highlights.

Asher: Couldn’t be bothered to read the notepad with the bullet points I wrote out, could you?

Remi: Um, this is my super secret special puffin bulletin thankyouverymuch. I’ll say what I want. I don’t need any notes, m’kay?

Asher shakes his head and mouths “I’m sorry” to the camera.

Remi: Uh... so, what else is there to tell them?

Asher: Oh, I dunno. Maybe something about the ice house that was recently erected outside of Aurora Springs.

Remi: Shhhhhh. Ixnay on the Aurora Springs-ay.

Asher: That is not how you pig latin.

Remi: We aren’t supposed to talk about our location. You’re breaking your own rules. How can we have a fight club when you are over there talking about fight club like it doesn’t even matter? What are we going to have next? Mass hysteria? Dogs and cats living together???

Asher: That’s from Ghostbusters.

Remi: It still stands. Also, that’s a great movie and you know it.

Asher: If you say so.

Remi: Rosie says so, and she’s a Queen, sooooo... do with that what you will.

Asher leans forward and focuses on the camera.

rustling clothes

couch squeaking

Asher: The Novasgardians are our most recent arrivals.

They have set up camp outside of town alongside the fae.

It’s finally starting to feel like we’ve got some numbers on our side.

And not everyone has arrived yet. The Blackthornes are coming, and they’ve gathered as many of the most powerful vampire families they could.

Remi: Mmm, those Novasgardians are something else. But of course Alek and Tor’s daddy would be so hot he could melt the polar ice caps.

Asher gives Remi a healthy dose of side eye.

Remi: And don’t forget all our wolf friends. Kingston really showed up when he rallied the Farrell pack, and now we’ve also got the rest of the packs in the Pacific Northwest. So many alphas...

Asher: *clears throat* You’ve got a little drool on your chin, you horny fuck.

Remi: Do not!

Remi turns away and wipes at his face. Then he turns back around and sticks out his tongue to an amused-looking Asher.

Asher: *chuckles*

Remi: I do like that you still get jealous, though.

Asher: Keep it in your pants, Mercer.

Remi: Fine. For now.

knock on the door

door creaks open

Hades: Am I interrupting? You said you needed me.

Asher: Hades. Yes. I need you. I mean, we need you. We. All of us. Uh... we need you to get us up to speed about your meeting with the horsemen.

Remi: Now who’s drooling?

Hades walks into frame but doesn’t sit down.

footsteps coming closer

Hades: The Horsemen are aware of how deeply involved they have to be in stopping the apocalypse.

Remi: But are they good witches or bad witches? Personally, I wouldn’t mind if they were sandwiches. Mmm, we do love a sandwich.

Remi elbows Asher and winks.

Hades: They aren’t witches at all, you twit.

Remi: It’s called a sense of humor. I think you need to get one.

Hades: I can’t say that I find much amusing about the world ending.

Remi: I’m just saying, if ever there was a time to laugh, it’s now. Humor heals, my friend. It’s how humanity copes with the darkness. We’re just one boiling sea away from extinction.

Asher: Allow me to get us back on track. What he was trying to ask you was, are they on our side or not?

Hades: As far as I can tell, they aren’t working for Lucifer.

Asher: That doesn’t mean they’re working with us.

Hades: They’ve always maintained neutrality.

Remi: Which means what, exactly?

Hades shrugs.

Hades: It means I’m as confident as I can be that this time they’re going to help us.

Remi dramatically swoons on the couch.

couch squeaks

Remi: *swoony sigh* Thank God. Okay, but real talk, how hot are these guys? I need to prepare.

Asher: You know, Rem, a less secure guy would take offense at the way you blatantly ogle other men.

Remi: Aw, baby. You know you’re the only guy for me. It’s you and Rosie. The rest is just window shopping.

All three men look away from the camera and toward the door.

distant footsteps growing closer

Rosie: (off camera) They’ll be out in just a moment.

Lilith: (off camera) This can’t wait.

door slams open

Lilith and Crombie walk on screen, an apologetic Rosie trailing behind them.

Hades: Lilith? What are you and Crombie doing here?

Asher: More importantly, how did you find us?

Remi: See! This is why you can’t talk about fight club.

Lilith rolls her eyes and grabs Rosie’s arm to hold it up and show off the red demon mark on her forearm.

Lilith: Rosie still bears my mark. I can always find your sweet little mate if I need to.

Crombie: My Lilypad is so resourceful.

Remi: There’s something different about you . . .

Remi looks between the two of them, his eyes growing wide.

Remi: What happened to your chain?

Lilith: Drystan broke it.

Asher: Are we happy about that or . . .

Lilith: Or. But we’ll have to get into that later. I have some rather urgent news.

Asher: Good timing, I guess. We were just wrapping up one of our?—

Lilith: This is a private matter, I’m afraid. Drystan, darling. Would you mind?

Crombie: It would be my pleasure.

Crombie holds up his hand and sparks fly from his fingertips toward the camera.

Asher: Wait! That’s expensive equipm?—

Blinding light consumes the screen before it goes black.

End of transmission.