Page 44

Chickening Out

C rap. Busted. Again.

“Hi,” I say. “I was just… having a little rest.”

He snorts. “I saw the two of you.”

“Oh.”

Well, this is awkward.

I brush my hands down my pants as I cast Zayne a sideways glance. Actually, he doesn’t look so much disapproving as sad. And resigned.

I give him a rueful shrug. It wasn’t as though I’d planned to kiss Khaosti.

God, I kissed Khaosti .

Or rather, Khaosti kissed me.

And it was out of this world. Mind-blowing. Nothing like I thought a kiss could be. My body is still singing. Tingling. Glowing. All from a kiss.

I might spontaneously combust if we actually went any further. I blow out my breath.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Zayne says, pulling me from my contemplation of going further—like all the way—with Khaosti.

I hug myself. “Not a clue,” I admit.

A brief smile kicks up the corner of his lips at my honesty, but then his face falls into serious lines. “I wasn’t just trying to be a bad loser when I warned you against trusting him, Amber.”

“You’re not any sort of loser,” I say fiercely. I move closer and rest my hand on his arm. “You’re my brother, Zayne. I’ll always love you.”

“Yeah, right. It’s my own fault. I didn’t want to push you—you seemed so broken at first, and I couldn’t take advantage of that. And I left it too late.” He shakes his head. “But I thought I had time. And really—it wasn’t as though I could have foreseen all of this.” He waves his hand to encompass this new world we’ve found ourselves in.

“Don’t hate me,” I say.

Shock flares across his face. “I could never hate you. But I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“And you think Khaosti will hurt me?” It’s a stupid question. Of course he’s going to hurt me. If I let him… Except I think it’s too late for that. I think we’ve set something in motion that can’t be stopped.

Zayne shrugs. “Maybe not. Who knows? Maybe the two of you can get married and then you’ll really be a princess.”

“Ha ha.”

“Just don’t presume he wants what you want. There’s far more going on here than we understand. Be wary.”

“I will.”

“Anyway, he’s too old for you.”

“I’m an old soul.”

“Just think about all those wrinkles.”

I smile and shake my head. Zayne can always make me feel better. I’m lucky to have him as a friend. “So, did you want something?” I ask.

“You mean when I came across your make-out session with the sexy werewolf?”

“He’s not a werewolf.”

“Now I know you’re in trouble. Actually, I came to tell you I’m leaving.”

Shock punches me in the gut. I knew this was coming. He had warned me, after all, but I’d pushed it to the back of my mind, along with all the other things I don’t want to face right now.

“Is it safe for you to go? You know, the…”

“The fact that I can turn into a fucking great basilisk?”

“I think it’s cool. You can goddamn fly!”

“I know. It is sort of cool. Though it might be a little conspicuous back on Earth.”

“You think?”

“Anyway, Khaosti says I’m good to go. I hate the guy, but he’s helped me a lot. I don’t think I could have done it without him.”

“I’m glad. Not that you’re leaving, but that you’ve got control, and you seem happier about it.”

“Not sure about happier, but I’m coming to terms with it. And Khaosti’s giving me some contacts—others like me back on Earth—when I’m ready.”

It sounds like he’s thought it all through, and I can feel tears pricking my eyes. I blink them back. I’m not going to make him feel guilty. But I have to try one last time. “Do you really have to go?” I don’t want to beg, but I need him.

“I do. I need to check on Josh.”

I know he’s right. I’ve spent so long trying to persuade myself that Josh isn’t my responsibility. And maybe he isn’t, but in the short time he’s been in our lives, he’s carved a place in my heart. I remember him that night on the garage roof, telling me he loves me, and I couldn’t say it back. Now I have an overwhelming need to tell him I do love him. He is my brother, just like Zayne is. But I can’t go back. I’ll just bring danger down on everyone I know, including Josh. So I don’t have a choice, but Zayne does. And I have to stop making it harder for him.

“I know,” I say.

“Amber, there’s nothing for me here. This is all about you. And honestly, I can’t bear to see you with that fucker.” He gives a rueful smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll get over it. I just need a little time and space.” He opens his arms. “Are you going to give your favorite brother a goodbye hug?”

I step into his arms, and he wraps them around me, making me feel safe. It’s the exact opposite of what I felt in Khaosti’s arms. I’m crazy. Why can’t I want Zayne like that?

I rest my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. Finally, he shifts and puts me away from him. “I have to go.”

Once again shock hits me. “You’re leaving now ?”

“That’s what I came to tell you. Hecate has arranged for a guide to take me to a mirror. It’s a few hours’ ride, and if we leave now, he can take me and make it back by nightfall.”

“You know how to get through?” I’m really hoping he says no.

He nods, and I press my lips together then swallow. “Then you’d better go.”

“You won’t come and see me off?”

I shake my head. “I can’t.” I sniff. I’m going to lose it, and there goes my tough girl image.

He stares at me for long moments, and I know I’ve disappointed him. Then he gives another nod, turns, and walks away.

And I sink down onto the grass and attempt to pull the pieces of myself back together.