Page 73 of Loving Bad

The pain in my chest was hard to comprehend.

He just needs some time, I kept repeating to myself to keep it together. If I thought for one moment that this was truly the end, I didn't think I could cope. Going back to the dark place I'd fought so hard to break free from wasn't an option; I had to keep a handle on things. I'd been so driven to experience all life had to offer, but this pain and the hollowness inside me was unbearable.

Loving someone was so exciting, and the feeling that person created inside you every time you were with that person was addictive, like a drug. It was thrilling, but with the good comes the bad. To love a person left you vulnerable to them and the pain that they could cause was like crashing into a dark pit of despair.

Matthew continued to hold me as my tears finally dried up and I took a deep breath. He pulled away from me slightly to scan my features. He pulled me into one more hug before he led me into the living room and sat me down. I brushed my tears from my face as I took another shaky breath.

"I'll make you some tea," Matthew offered as he disappeared into the kitchen.

I nodded absentmindedly, feeling numb. It was like the heartbreak was too much to bear so my body shut out the pain and in its place was a nothing. A few minutes later, Matthew walked back into the living room with a steaming cup of tea and he set it down in front of me.

"Tell me what happened," he said as he sat down on the sofa beside me.

"He said it's over," I said and Matthew reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. I was looking straight in front of me, not seeing anything.

"It can't be that bad," he tried to console me.

I wanted to believe his words and I wanted to hope that he was right, but I knew that deep down inside, this might not be able to be sorted out. I rubbed my head as I tried to block out the thoughts that began to cycle through my mind. I wasn't ready to contemplate a life without Sin in it, I just couldn't. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath to ease the pain building up inside of me.

We hadn't known each other for long, but there was no denying that in that short time I had fallen in love with him. I could handle him not being able to love me back, I could even handle the weird togetherness we had where there had been no labels, but I couldn't handle the fact that he didn't want me anymore.

Matthew tried his best to try and cheer me up, but even a tub of ice cream couldn't make me feel any better. I didn't sleep much that night, my mind too busy reliving my argument with Sin, trying to figure out how it had all gone wrong.

A tear slid down my cheek when I remembered how he'd told me we were done. It had hurt then and it still hurt now. I just hoped that after giving him some space, he would come around.

That night I tossed and turned. Finally, when I heard the birds chirping outside my window, I decided there was no point in trying to sleep anymore so I got up to make some coffee. I would need a lot of caffeine to keep myself awake.

I rubbed my eyes as I wandered into the kitchen. Once I had a steaming cup of coffee in my hands, I sat down on the sofa. It was quiet and easy to get lost in my thoughts of Sin. It was strange that when a person was happy, everything seemed brighter, and now that my heart was broken, everything had lost that extra color. Everything seemed darker and sadder. In the back of my mind, I had the constant worry that I would slip back into my old habit of blocking everything out. I didn't want to go back to that dark place that my parents’ murder has sent me to.

I took a sip of the coffee and savored the taste. It would be so easy to hold on to the hurt and let it control me, but I wasn't a nine-year-old girl anymore. I was older and I believed I was stronger. I was up for an hour before I heard someone's bedroom door open. Jordan was the first one up.

"Good morning," she mumbled as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hey," I replied, following her into the kitchen.

She made herself some coffee and then turned to face me as she took a couple of tentative sips.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, taking in her still slightly puffy eyes.

"I'll be okay," she said as she gave me a weak smile. "I'm tired of feeling like I'm missing something."

I knew the feeling. It meant that she didn't just care for Slater, there was a good chance that she'd fallen in love with him.

"No more tears," she said with a determination I hadn't seen in her since Slater had broken her heart. "I'm done moping in heartbreak land."

"Good," I said, nodding my head, hoping that the determination would be enough to pull her out of the heartbreak she'd been moping around in.

"How are things going with you and Sin?" She asked like she genuinely wanted to know.

I hesitated for a moment.

"We’re over," I admitted, feeling my eyes sting with tears.

"What exactly does that mean?" she asked, her forehead creasing with confusion.

"When Connor first met Sin, he got a background check done on him," I began to tell her.

"Really?" she gasped.