Page 54 of Loss and Damages

Dominic

She’s not happy, and I know I’m the cause.

Three months in, and she grows sadder by the day.

We don’t talk about getting married, don’t talk about going away on a honeymoon or even a simple vacation.

She’s where she wants to be, in her cottage, working in her gallery, and meeting me, falling in love with me, didn’t change that.

I don’t resent her for it, because if it had had the power to change her, she wouldn’t be the woman I fell in love with.

It’s past time she’s due back. Her gallery closed an hour ago, and I shut down my laptop.

I convinced her to buy a kitchen table, but I need more space, and if she’ll agree, I have a simple solution.

She doesn’t want a new house, my attempts at getting her to talk about looking for land, even in Hollow Lake, over before they start.

I love her cottage and don’t want to leave, either, but it was built for one person, not two, especially not three or four, when we start our family.

I step outside and onto the porch, where, in the past three months, I’ve had some of the best moments of my life.

Sitting quietly, sipping wine, watching the sun set, even speaking with Gloria when she happens to ride by with her little mutt, they’ve filled some of the deep holes in my heart and soul.

Not all, that will take time, but every second sitting with Jemma is one second more that helps me heal.

She’s in her work room, taping bubble wrap around a piece of china. I can’t tell what it is. A jewelry box, maybe, but it doesn’t matter. What matters are the tears falling down her cheeks and the sobs she’s trying to keep buried.

“Jemma, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” I don’t approach her in case she doesn’t want me to touch her. She’s crying because of me, but this time a hug or a kiss won’t take away the pain. Only words will, promises, and I already know what they are.

“You’re not happy here,” she whispers, wiping at her face.

“That’s not true,” I say, though, in some way, it is. I’m not happy because she’s not, and she’s not because she can feel my discomfort. There will always be an unbroken circle between us...we can never be truly happy if the other isn’t.

“Then what is it?”

“I need more space, Jemma.”

She nods, like she expected it, like she expected me to say, “Yes, I need more.”

“Then you should take it,” she says, picking up another piece of bubble wrap. The jewelry box will be so protected by the time she’s done, a bomb couldn’t destroy it.

I walk slowly into her workshop, the kiln warm, heating the room.

The temperatures are cooling, and I sit with her while she paints, a piece in the kiln, and I work on paperwork or answer emails.

I imagine that’s what Leo loved best..

.the warmth, the feeling of belonging. I don’t paint, don’t have an artistic bone in my entire body, but I can still relate to what my brother loved about being here.

“Tell me what you think I mean by that,” I say. I want to make sure we’re on the same page.

She scoffs. “You’re feeling suffocated here.

You hate Hollow Lake, you miss your penthouse.

I know I said I would move, but I don’t want to live like that, Dominic.

I love Hollow Lake and my grandma’s cottage.

You said when you asked me to marry you that we would find a compromise, but I don’t see how. ”

It sounds like she’s giving up, but she’s not. She can’t be what she is here, in Hollow Lake, in the city. I know that, and I knew it when I asked her to marry me. I thought, maybe, she’d be open to building a bigger house, but I know now she’s not, and that’s okay.

She tapes more bubble wrap around the jewelry box, her fingers trembling.

“Can I touch you?” I ask, reaching toward her. A year ago, I never would have asked a woman something like that, simply taken what I wanted, but Jemma’s still changing me, every day, and every day, I like the man I see in the mirror a little more.

“Of course you can,” she says, finally looking at me.

Maybe she’s given me the privilege to touch whenever I like, but I’ll never take it for granted.

I wipe the tears off her soft skin, and she leans into my touch.

She sighs.

“Come here.” I take her hand and tug her toward the wall where I sit on the floor next to her kiln.

The heat radiates off the stainless steel, and in her little workshop, I’m the safest I’ve ever felt.

I settle her sideways in my lap and twist my fingers in her hair.

She tries to cuddle into me, but I hold her still.

We need to talk, and I didn’t understand until today how long overdue our conversation is. “I need more room, Jemma—”

She leans away.

“No. Don’t. You break my heart when you do that.”

“I’m sorry,” she says to her hands that are folded tightly in her lap, “but—”

“No, there are no buts. Don’t do that.”

“Okay,” she whispers.

“I need more room, but not emotional. Not distance between us. Never like that. I love Hollow Lake, you know I do. Your cottage, the land, the lake, it all calms me, heals me. Whenever I’m in the city, I feel the man I used to be clawing inside me, maybe not wanting to get out, but that man, the man my parents turned me into, he’s still there.

The man you’re turning me into is here, in the quiet, in the flowers and trees.

In your kitchen, drinking coffee. In your bed, sipping wine and making love.

I would die if I lost this, Jemma. And you know it’s true. ”

“Don’t talk like that. You would be okay. You’re stronger than what your parents did to you. You’re stronger than what Leo’s death did to you.”

We could argue about this forever. “I’m stronger because of you. I’m not leaving you, and I’m not asking you to leave Hollow Lake or your grandma’s cottage. This is who you are, and I love who you are, Jemma.”

“Then what are we going to do? I want to compromise. You can’t be the only one to give up something to be here, even if you say that what you’re giving up is something you don’t want. The commute isn’t great, and you still have a lot of family in St. Charlotte whether you see them or not.”

“The commute is fine, but yes, Nonna does ask frequently when she can see us.” With my mother and father gone, my nonna has been giving her attention to other members of the family, spending time with Jimmy and Bianca, babysitting their children.

Jemma and I have taken meals at Jimmy’s restaurant, and I’ve met Jemma’s family.

Meshing our families has been slow, but I’m enjoying it.

Nonna and Jemma get along well, as I knew they would, and Jeremy got over his dislike of me faster than I thought.

It turns out he loves Italian cooking, and Nonna constantly feeds him, Tara, and Maya, something he hasn’t tried to stop, much to Jemma’s amusement.

“Then what?”

I can never be near Jemma and not want to kiss her, and it’s the same now, even if we’re talking about what amounts to the rest of our lives. I brush my lips against hers, and she whimpers. “Hear me out before you say anything, okay?”

She stiffens, but she nods. “Okay.”

“I know you don’t want to leave your grandma’s cottage.

I thought maybe we could build something bigger, but you don’t want to, and that’s okay.

But you know the cottage is too small. Maybe your grandma and grandpa made it work, but you and I are busy people with responsibilities and large families, and I’m hoping you haven’t changed your mind about one day having my babies. ”

“I still want to,” she says, rubbing her belly.

“Good. Then, I wanted to ask if you would be willing to add on to your cottage.”

She blinks. “Add on. You mean, build more rooms?”

“Yes. I called the city and asked them to send me the boundaries to your property. Jemma, your cottage and gallery are on a lot of land. Maybe you don’t realize how much land is yours.

Zoning would have no problem granting us a permit to add a few more rooms. We can add a bedroom downstairs so when we do have a baby, the nursery is close to ours, and enlarge the kitchen and living room.

Then, if you’re agreeable, we can add a second floor.

I’d like to have an office so I can be home with you more.

Even if you’re working in the gallery, I like being here.

And since we’d already be building, we can add a couple more bedrooms, an extra bathroom, maybe a sitting room.

That way when Jeremy, Tara, and Maya drive out, they don’t have to go home if they don’t want.

We can’t let Nonna stay too often, or she’ll move in—”

Jemma smiles.

“But I think she wouldn’t turn down the offer to come out every now and then, and once you do get pregnant, you might find she’s a help around the house and after the baby’s born. She’s had a lot of practice, and our child would be safe with her.”

A tear clings to her eyelashes. “I thought you were getting tired of me, of being in this little town.”

“I love you, Jemma. I love Hollow Lake and the peace I’m finding here.

You said once that Leo found joy in the flowers and bees, the storms and rainbows, and the wind rustling through the trees.

I don’t have to be an artist to appreciate those things, and I’m learning to find myself in the ducks that swim in the lake and watching the dragonflies flutter their wings.

When I asked you to marry me, I knew what I was getting.

Having wine and cheesecake on your porch has turned into my second favorite time of the day. Do you know what the first is?”

“No,” she says, but she’s tamping back a smile. Things will be okay now.

“Waking up to you. I want to do that, for the rest of my life. I want it all, sweetheart. I just need an office.”

She cuddles into me, and this time I let her, wrapping my arms around her.

We sit like that for a long while, and I don’t know how many minutes have gone by when she lifts her head.

“I don’t mind if we add to the cottage, Dominic.

It only makes sense, and I’m sorry I didn’t think of it.

I should have talked to you, and I’m sorry I was hiding.

I didn’t want to hear you were thinking about leaving me. ”

“This is still new to us, and if you’re a little bit scared, don’t be ashamed. I am, too. When something feels too good to be true, it usually is, but this time, it was meant to be.”

“Since we’re adding rooms, can we build a deck too? Attach it to the sitting room? I love the porch, but a different view from time to time would be nice. And maybe a little more privacy to do naughty things outside?”

I chuckle. “Sweetheart, we don’t have to wait until we build a deck.

” I stand with her in my arms and carry her outside.

Today the temperatures are mild, not cold enough to deter me from ravaging my fiancée in the backyard.

“Afterward, let’s go visit Edgar. We haven’t seen him in a while, and he’ll want to hear our news.

” I never thought I would ever be making plans to talk to a crow, but I wouldn’t change it for all the money in the world.

I had it, once upon a time, but that didn’t give me the happily ever after that I have now, building a life with Jemma.

She wraps her arms around my neck. “Yes, let’s.”

I lay her down in the grass behind the cottage, and no one but the birds and squirrels will witness the love we share. She gives herself easily, holding nothing back, as she always does, knowing that with every kiss and brush of her hand she’s mending my heart.

Leo found comfort here, in the quiet beauty of this little town, in the peace on Jemma’s porch, and so have I. Knowing he wanted me to have this, I say a prayer of thanks.

I thought Leo and I were worlds apart, different in every way. But we were more alike than I imagined, and I will always be grateful that Jemma saw it too.