Page 15 of Loss and Damages

Jemma

It hurts to say the words, hot betrayal spewing out of my mouth. I gulp the wine to wash down the hurt I can see plain as day on Leo’s face if he were alive and could listen to our conversation.

Dominic radiates tension, and it’s exhausting.

I wish he would leave so I can dump our dishes in the sink and crawl into bed.

I miss Leo and his snuggles. I miss talking all night despite having to get up early the next morning and open the gallery.

He’s been gone not even a week, and his presence lingers in my cottage, in the gallery, in my bed. His body weighing the mattress down.

“I won’t insult you and ask if you’d marry him for his money.” Dominic carefully cuts a piece of steak and spears it with his fork, but he doesn’t lift it to his mouth.

“Leo didn’t give a shit about money, and he was so disappointed you did.” I drain my glass and push my plate away. I can’t eat now. “I think you should go. We don’t have anything more to say to each other.”

He sighs and pours more wine into my glass. “Actually, I have a favor to ask.”

“I don’t owe you anything.” I’m bitter he made me confront feelings I was hiding from. I didn’t want Gloria to be right. I didn’t want to be in a position to have to turn Leo down if he asked. Now he’s dead and it doesn’t matter and that’s worse.

“That’s why it’s a favor. You have every right to say no.”

“No.”

“You don’t know what it is.”

“I don’t care.”

I really don’t. What Dominic Milano needs is none of my business. Let him find it somewhere else.

“It has to do with our mother. I told her—”

“You shouldn’t have told her anything! Leo didn’t tell you about me because he didn’t want you to know.

He didn’t want what we had tainted by his real life.

He hid when he came out here, he lived a life he wasn’t allowed to in the city.

Why can’t you understand that?” My voice turns into a shriek.

“Why can’t you get it through your head he wasn’t like you?

” I slide off my barstool and run through the mudroom.

“Fuck,” Dominic mutters behind me and I can feel him follow me outside into the wildflower field Leo painted.

I run through the lush grass trying not to trample the flowers in my grief. I sink beside a poplar tree and rest my head against the trunk.

Hot tears run down my face, but I don’t stop them. I need to let myself cry or I’ll never start healing.

Dominic sits on the ground next to me and tentatively lifts me into his lap. His gentle touch snaps what little control I have left, and I press my face into his dress shirt and sob against his chest, his arms tight around me.

I don’t know how much time has gone by before I notice he’s crying too, his shoulders shaking, his lips resting against the top of my head.

When I can’t cry another tear, I lean away.

I don’t want to feel comfortable in his arms, don’t want his scent to fool me into a sense of safety.

I know the kind of man Dominic is, and if I hadn’t known listening to Leo talk about him, all I have to do is turn on the news at any given moment.

Dominic doesn’t care about anyone or anything except lining his already bulging pocketbook.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been keeping it in and I couldn’t anymore. I’ll walk you to your car.”

“Jemma, wait,” he says as I stand up. The grass tickles my feet and the birds start singing again now that my meltdown is over.

I brace my back against the tree. I’m so tired. “What?”

He stands and brushes the bits of grass off his pants.

“The favor, for my mother. She wants to meet you, that’s all.

She didn’t know about you, either, and it would mean more than I can explain if you would attend the fundraiser with me and speak to her.

She’s so lost without her son, and her saying she would go if you were there was nothing short of a miracle. Please.”

There was something about his voice when he said she’s lost without Leo. “You two don’t get along?”

His expression smooths into a stoic mask. “I don’t know why you would think that.”

I search his face, but he’s not giving anything away. “It’s nothing. I’ll go, if the girl who helps me can work tomorrow evening and close the gallery. I’ll speak to your mother, but that’s all I can do. Leo’s gone, and I’m not part of your family. I don’t want to be.”

He frowns. “Why would you say that?”

“Why didn’t you and Leo have a better relationship?”

“You’ll find out at the fundraiser. I’ll send a car to pick you up at six-thirty. It’s black tie, if Leo didn’t tell you. Do you need something to wear? I can—”

“I can dress myself.”

“Fine. Goodnight, Jemma.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Milano.”

Dominic stiffens like I insulted him, but he nods and starts down the gravel driveway toward his car. I don’t think he left anything inside, and he doesn’t mention the bottle of white wine.

I stand near the edge of the field until the sound of his engine fades, and I clean up the kitchen feeling his strong arms holding me the whole time.

“Why are you going to this thing?” Tara asks, zipping up a dress I’m trying on for the fundraiser tonight.

Ashley said she’d be able to work at the gallery until close, and I asked Tara to drive out to Hollow Lake and help me find a dress.

Maya’s at Mom and Dad’s and Jeremy’s going to pick her up after work.

Holding in a breath, I smooth the skirt and stand sideways in front of the mirror. Way too much chocolate, Jemma. Way too much.

“Stop it. You look fine.”

“My ass is bigger than a train’s caboose.”

“Men like that, dontcha know?”

“You sound like your grandma.” Tara’s grandma is one hundred percent Norwegian and sounds exactly the way we say no one sounds in this part of Minnesota.

“You’re not going to change the subject. Does this come in blue? I think it would look nice in blue.”

“No, only the black,” I mumble, creating a faux updo to see how my hair would look pinned up.

“You’re an artist, Jemma. Try some color.”

“I need more than color, I need a different dress.”

“Let’s go look.”

She pushes the door open and we step out of the fitting room and onto the selling floor.

“You don’t like it?” Becca Williams asks, holding a steaming wand in front of a rack of wrinkled dresses. She’s the owner of Becca’s Boutique, one of only two stores in Hollow Lake that sells what I need to attend something black tie.

“Do you have something more forgiving?”

“She thinks she’s fat,” Tara says helpfully.

“I do not. I’m short and curvy. An empire waist, maybe.”

Becca laughs. “Your boobs can’t handle an empire waist.”

Shooting Becca a dirty look, I tell Tara, “We should have gone next door.”

“Here, stop being snarky for a second. This just came in and I was going to make a window display out of it, but I think it will look fantastic on you.” Becca disappears into the back and comes out holding a frothy black and champagne tulle and lace dress.

“Try this on. It’s just your size and it’ll be perfect. ”

I know it will be before I even try it on. Tara zips the hidden zipper along my ribs, and the dress settles onto my body like it was made for me. The bodice tucks my boobs in and dips low enough to show off just the right amount of cleavage.

“Wow, Jemma. You look amazing. Don’t have many chances to wear a dress like this, huh?

” Tara admires my reflection in the mirror.

No, we don’t dress up like this very often, and I’m not sad about it.

This is the kind of life I never wanted.

It’s fun to play Cinderella, and that’s exactly who I’ll be when Dominic’s car drops me off at the end of the night, except I’ll be keeping my heels on my feet.

I’m determined this will be the last time we see each other.

I need to move on, and I need to do it before Dominic leeches Leo’s secret out of me. ..and maybe something more.

“I think it’ll work.”

“How much is it?”

“I don’t know. There’s a tag under my arm.”

She reaches for the tag and gasps. “Five hundred dollars.”

“That’s not so bad,” I say, but I don’t sound like I believe it. Five hundred dollars for a dress I’m going to wear once. I sigh. Maybe I can sell it online and get most of my money back. I don’t need to keep it.

“You don’t have to go.”

“I want to look in the three-way mirror,” I say, opening the fitting room door. “I feel like I owe it to Leo. I didn’t say anything to his mother at the wake, and I want to tell her I’m sorry for her loss.”

“You wouldn’t be going if Dominic wouldn’t have asked you to go.”

She twists my hair into a bun and fastens a hair elastic around it to keep it in place.

“Move it lower,” I say.

She does, and I’ve never looked more sophisticated. The dress and bun are exactly what I need for tonight.

When I don’t answer, she nudges my shoulder.

“I don’t know, Tara. There was something about him yesterday when he asked, but I told him this would be it, and I meant it.

I need to paint more pieces for the gallery, mow my yard, weed my garden, and do everything else I’ve been neglecting since I heard about Leo’s accident.

I have to try to put it behind me, but I miss him so much.

” My vision wavers, but the tears don’t fall.

I cried all that I’m going to cry while Dominic held me in the field yesterday.

Leo wouldn’t want me to wither away because something happened.

One of the best things about him was his love of life, and he wouldn’t want me to lose mine because he’s gone.

“I know, honey,” Tara says, giving me a hug. “Next Saturday, ask Ashley to cover for you and we’ll spend the day in the city. We’ll ask your mom to come and do some shopping and have lunch out. For the past year, your world has just been art and Leo. You need to let others in now, okay?”

“Yeah, you’re right. It was a happy little bubble.”

“If you stay in it by yourself, you’ll get terribly lonely.”

“I know.”

“Do you need shoes?”