Page 47 of Loss and Damages

I stare past him out the window at the buildings as we slowly roll by them. “You followed me into the city. Are you one of the men Dominic said would be watching me?”

He nods. “Yes.”

“What’s your name?”

“You can call me Anderson.”

“Thank you.”

His face is blank. “Just doin’ my job.”

The driver turns onto a residential street, apartment buildings that have fire escapes attached to the sides. The trees along the sidewalks are tall and lush, brilliant green leaves covering their branches. The street feels untouched by the tragedy I just saw.

“The driver of that truck—”

“Is fine. He was prepared for something like that. We all are, Miss Ferrell.”

Anderson is a man of few words but tells me what I need to hear.

We stop in front of a distinguished older building, but I can’t picture Dominic living here. I’ve always taken him for chrome and black leather, diamonds and satin sheets. Stark penthouses and crystal lowballs of the best whiskey money can buy.

This building represents families and nannies pushing children in strollers to the park we passed a few blocks away. This building speaks of neighbors who know each other, who are willing to lend eggs and sugar.

There isn’t a doorman, and Anderson unlocks and opens the door for me.

“Thanks,” I say, my mouth dry. I’m nervous.

The elevator carries us up twenty floors, and Anderson leads me to a corner unit. He raps once on the door and steps back.

The door flies open a second later, and Dominic is there, his hair framing his face, his suit rumpled, his complexion pure white, sweat glistening on his skin.

“Jemma.”

I throw myself into his hard chest, and he lifts me up and hugs me so tightly I can’t breathe.

Burying my face in his neck, I hang on for dear life.

But I don’t know if it’s his life or mine.

“Leave us.”

There’s a shuffling, a door closing, and Dominic carries me somewhere. Too relieved to have his arms around me, I don’t lift my head to find out where. Gently, he lays me down on a bed and my gaze roams greedily over his face. “Are you okay? I saw you get into that truck, Dominic. What happened?”

He lies on his side next to me and rubs his thumb over my cheek.

“The city’s been in an uproar since the paper printed that photo of me and the director of the homeless shelter, and I can’t risk going anywhere without sending decoys ahead of me.

Today I switched vehicles in the street.

You did see me get into the truck that caught fire, but you didn’t see me slip out the back and into a different vehicle. ”

I wiggle closer and press my face against his shoulder. “Thank God.” I can’t get the explosion out of my head. I shiver and he rests his hand on the center of my back. “Will they be able to catch who did it?”

“Possibly. The police department’s been working on who broke into your gallery and who shot at me. They have a lead on who called in that bomb threat, and it sounded promising. I think they’re all connected, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the same person who rigged that bomb on my truck.”

“The police in Hollow Lake are still driving by the gallery, but they haven’t told me anything.” I doubt if the SCPD caught a break Nick would let me know after the way I turned him down and defended Dominic. “Where are we?”

“Leo’s. I’ve been staying here off and on since his accident. To be closer to him, but it’s turned into a haven of sorts. No one suspects I’ve been hiding here.” He tangles his fingers in my hair. “Are you sure you’re not hurt? You were close to the blast.”

“No, I’m okay.” That this was Leo’s apartment makes so much sense. The quiet street, the family vibe. I didn’t see much, if any, of the apartment, but instinctively I know it will have the same feel as the cottage. Despite living alone, it’s my home, just as Leo had made this apartment his.

“I wanted to spank you when Anderson told me he was tailing you into the city. You shouldn’t be here.”

This is the opening I need, and I sit up and slide off the black and slate grey comforter. “That’s why I am here. I saw the headlines, Dominic.” I wrap my arms around myself and walk to a large picture window that looks to the building next door.

He sits up, too. “And what?”

“And...I don’t know. I was going to tell you I can’t see you anymore.”

“I understand.”

I turn around. “Do you, though? Do you really understand why?”

“Yes, I really do. Jemma, you have such a good heart. It’s why Leo adored spending time with you. Anyone would look at us and say we don’t belong together.”

I wipe tears off my cheeks. So much for not crying in front of him anymore.

“Not unless one of us changed. No one would ask you to change because you’re already perfect the way you are. Now me, on the other hand...” He fades off and smiles wryly. “I’m not exactly Mr. Wonderful.”

I want to argue, because to me, he is. He’s kind and gentle, or at least, I know he can be.

“Anyone would say you can do better than the Billionaire Bastard,” he says, standing from the bed and brushing his hand over my hair.

“Money can’t buy happiness, my mother would be the first to tell you that.

The richest woman in the United States and she had nothing because she couldn’t be with the man she loves. ”

Leaning against the window, the bright sun warming the glass, I say, “You spoke with her.”

“I did. She told me about Leo, and in a way, I was relieved. I’d always thought deep down there was something about me that made me unlovable, but it wasn’t me, it was her, and a weight came off my shoulders, Jemma.

I wasn’t unlovable because of who I am. It was my mother’s bitterness and hate for my father and she pushed it onto me. ”

Nothing I can offer seems adequate. “I’m sorry.”

“I am too, but surprisingly, I don’t hate her. I’m only sorry she had to tolerate my father for so long. I don’t want to see her anymore, nor does she ever want to see me again. I asked my father to give her a divorce and he said he would.”

“She must have been happy.”

“If she can be. So many years have been wasted being married to a man she didn’t want to share her life with.” He pauses. “My father had one stipulation. I had to buy the church, and the homeless shelter and the halfway houses attached to it.”

I lean away and he drops his hand. “It doesn’t matter, does it?

Why you bought it. Now you have the 1100 block, the shelter, and Oakdale Square.

You have all of it, and I can’t do this.

I can’t —” I have to clear my throat and try again.

“I fell in love with you. I don’t know when it happened.

The night you came when I called after the gallery was vandalized, or the first time we made love.

I don’t know, but I wish, I wish I hadn’t.

” I cover my mouth. I didn’t want to go that far.

Loving him isn’t a mistake, but staying in a relationship with the way he is would be.

He flinches. “Then why did you? Can you tell me that at least, before you go?”

“I saw the hurt, the pain you were living with. At first I thought it was because you missed Leo, but from what I’ve learned in the past few weeks, I realized you were hurting long before Leo’s accident.

I wanted to help you, fix you, but that’s a woman’s ego.

I can’t fix you. I’m not your mother and I’m not your father, the only two people who can fix the damage they’ve caused.

You buy things hoping to fill the hole in your heart your mother put there, to try to earn the attention and approval your father won’t give you, and I can’t tell you to stop trying.

One day you’ll figure out that shoving money where love belongs will never work.

Only then will you be open to a woman’s love, and God, she’s going to be one lucky bitch. ”

I try to end on a little laugh, but it comes out more of a hiccup.

He pushes his hands into his pockets, steps away from me, then toward me, then back again. He meets my eyes, opening his mouth, but then purses his lips. Finally, he says, “What would I have to say to make you reconsider? For you to believe that I want you, want us, more than anything else?”

The words are simple. “That you won’t tear down the homeless shelter, that you’ll leave the 1100 block how it is, and that anything you do to Oakdale Square will help the neighborhood be a safer place for the people who already live there.”

Holding my gaze, he says, “I won’t tear down the homeless shelter, I’ll leave the 1100 block how it is, and whatever I do to Oakdale Square will help the neighborhood be a safer place for the people who already live there.”

I swallow, and my skin heats, just like it does whenever he touches me. “Why are you saying that?”

His eyes narrow. “Why am I saying it? Because I love you, Jemma.” Raking a hand through his hair, he says, “When I toured the homeless shelter yesterday, all I could think about was you. What kind of changes you would want for the shelter, for the daycare, the halfway houses. I want to make you happy, happy with me , and this will, won’t it? ”

Every word he says makes my heart drop a little further.

He’s saying the words I want to hear, but the reasons why he’s saying them fills my eyes with tears.

Dominic thinks they’re from happiness, and he cuddles me to him, chuckling.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart. You’re all I’ve wanted since we met.

I don’t know what Leo would think, but I want to believe he’d be happy for us. Aren’t you going to say something?”

I need all my strength to step away. He’s giving me everything I want, but I’m selfish. I want more.

“I don’t know how to explain this. I don’t want you to want those things because the violence will stop. I don’t want you to want those things because the city will love you. I don’t want you to want those things for me. I want you to want those things because you want them.”

He scowls. “I don’t understand. I’m doing the best I can. I’m giving you what you want. Why can’t that be good enough?”

I’m a coward and take the out he doesn’t understand he offered me.

“Because it’s not. I’m sorry, but it’s not.

Dominic,” I say, squeezing his hand. I can keep my promise in my own way.

“I will always be your friend. Always. You can come to me anytime, to talk things out, to cry about your parents or Leo, or if you just want to sit on my porch and drink me out of all my wine. I love you, but you’re not giving me what I need to be with you.

If, no, when , you figure it out, buy me a ring and ask me to marry you.

I’ll say yes. I have to go. I’ll find my own way home. ”

I’m too short to reach up and kiss his cheek the way I want. He would have to meet me halfway and after what I just said, he wouldn’t. I smooth his tie instead, the silk soft under my trembling fingers.

I tense, waiting, maybe hoping, he’ll stop me, but all he does is lightly touch my shoulder in goodbye.

One day Dominic will figure out what I want, I just hope by the time he does, it’s not too late.