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Liam

I hadn’t fully appreciated how little time I had spent with my parents over the last ten days until I was sitting at a table with them, eating spaghetti.

“I’m going back to Detroit early,” I said to fill the weird silence we had found ourselves in.

“Oh, I thought you were staying through until the New Year?” Mom asked, sounding sad.

“Yeah, I was, but Len is throwing a New Year’s party, so I’m going to go to that.”

“Did you know about it before you came back?” Dad asked, derision thick in his voice.

“I want to spend New Year with her, so I am going to fly back the day after tomorrow. She goes back tomorrow.” That worked as an answer that didn’t also expose that no, I hadn’t known about it before I came back because we’d lied about the timeline of our relationship. Although Lenny had barely remembered it was happening, so there was no way I could have known earlier anyway.

“It will be nice to spend the day with you tomorrow,” Mom said, a soft smile on her face.

“Maybe we can get out on the ice,” Dad chimed in. I regretted mentioning how I spent the other day at the Fitzpatrick Arena. It had given him more hope than ever.

“I don’t think so,” I said calmly.

“You went with Alana,” he replied. There was a bite to the way he said her name. It made my nerves bad.

“Yeah, because it’s fun with her and it doesn’t mean anything when we’re on the ice together. I haven’t legitimately been on the ice in a way that would be beneficial to a hockey career since I retired. In April.”

“Don’t you miss it?”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t? I made the best decision for me at the time, and I stand by that decision.”

“It’s not too late. Don’t you want Alana to see you out there on the ice professionally?” Now he said her name like it was the answer to all his prayers. If only he knew.

I pulled out my phone to call Lenny, putting her on speaker.

“Baby, it’s barely been two hours since you last saw me, you can’t possibly miss me that much,” she answered immediately.

“Yeah, I miss you terribly,” I deadpanned. Although I did a bit. “Anyway, quick question, babe, remind me how you feel about the fact that I am now a retired athlete?”

There was a long pause before she answered.

“Are you still on this? Do you need me to get it tattooed on my forehead that I don’t care? Should I make it one of your daily affirmations, ‘Lenny doesn’t care that I don’t play hockey anymore’? If you want, I can wear your jersey and cheer you on while you make dinner or something.”

“When did I say I was making you dinner?” I ignored the part about her wearing my jersey. It was best that any and all thoughts of that image stayed in the very back of my mind while I was sitting at a dinner table with my parents.

“You didn’t, but I go back to work in five days so I’m saying in about six days, you’re going to be in my kitchen making pasta or roasting a chicken so you know I’ve eaten something.”

“Ah, so that’s why you don’t care that I stopped playing, you get a new chef and don’t have to think about what you want for dinner every day,” I joked.

“Liam, I am only going to say this one more time and then if you ask me again, I will cover you in flour and set a hose on you. When you injured your shoulder the first time, you thought your life was over. The only thing that got you through that rehab process was the promise of getting back out onto that ice with your blades on and a stick in your hand. That was what you wanted . I’m guessing that was what you wanted the second time it took you out and the third time. If, at the fourth time of asking, you didn’t think the world would end if you didn’t get back on the ice, then you made the right choice. Fuck what you are supposed to do because you’re thirty, and in theory, still have some good years left. Screw the people who insist on having an opinion about it, like they know your body better than you do. It’s not up to PTs and doctors and random fans on the internet, it’s up to you . If you didn’t want it, then you didn’t want it. You had a good career, some might even say that it was great, and that was enough for you. That’s all that matters.”

I took the phone off speaker and brought it to my ear .

“Would you ever have said that to my face?”

“Of course not. I would get all distracted by your stupid face trying not to look smug while I was being nice to you and lose my train of thought. Besides, I don’t think you were the one who needed to hear it.” I smiled to myself at just how well she knew me. “So you’re welcome. Are you coming back here tonight?”

“Of course I am.”

“Good. All right, I’ll leave you to your dinner. I gotta go take some cookies out of the oven.”

“You’re eating an actual meal though, right?”

“See, this is why I have you making dinners for me in the not-so-distant future. Yes, I am. Dad is finishing it up now. But seriously, I have to go and deal with these cookies, and I need both hands.”

“Save me at least one.”

“Always. I love you,” she said as she hung up. It figured that the first time Lenny threw those three words at me, it would be over the phone with no time for me to say it back. I put my phone back in my pocket and picked up my fork.

“As you heard, Alana doesn’t care,” I said, shovelling more pasta into my mouth. I didn’t care about the silence as much now.