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Alana

I t’s one of those rare yes or no questions that has a right and wrong answer, and the right answer is always ‘yes’.

If you had asked me this time last year if I would say yes when my boyfriend of eight years, Kai, asked me to marry him, I would have said, “Of course I would.” Heck, if you asked me the morning he proposed, I would have said the same. We had already built a life together, so marriage was the natural next step.

It never would have occurred to me to say no. Or, more accurately, to not say anything at all. But an awkward silence is just as much of an answer as an outright ‘no’.

It had been two months since that night, and I kept seeing Kai’s face. The love, joy, and hope shining in his eyes as he dropped onto one knee and opened the small, velvet box. The glance he gave the ring, the perfect ring if I was being honest, before he cast those hopeful eyes back at me. The choked-up way he had asked the question.

“Alana Fitzpatrick, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife? ”

I could still hear the collective inhale from his family and our friends that they held in preparation to let out a cheer. A celebration. But I was a touch too slow. The silence went on a fraction too long.

The collective breath was released slowly, instead. The hopeful look in Kai’s eyes died a slow death. I tried to claw it back. I tried to say something, anything , but I couldn’t find the words. The box snapped shut. Kai pushed back up to his feet and for the first time in a long time, I felt small.

It should have been the easiest yes of my life and yet it wasn’t even close. I have a lot of regrets about that night, but not saying yes isn’t one of them.

Which is why I now found myself at Metropolitan Airport waiting for a flight to New York. My initial plans had been to spend two weeks in Aspen with Kai’s family, which died the moment I left him high and dry on one knee. So, I was faced with a choice. I could either spend the holidays alone or I could go home. I chose home.

“Lenny?”

I had been so in my head that I zoned out of my surroundings, but that voice pulled me back. The grinding of beans and the buzz of conversation around me came back into focus. I knew that voice. I knew that name too. It was mine, but only to one person. Someone I had done a very good job of physically avoiding for over twelve years.

But when I turned around and set my eyes on him, standing there looking larger than life against the red airport cafe backdrop, I couldn’t quite remember why I left Liam Mulligan behind.