Page 18

18

Alana

A aron was in my room, sitting on my bed and throwing a marbled black stress ball that he bought me when I was fourteen up in the air. He startled when I caught the stress ball straight out of the air, and I felt proud of my stealth mode.

“Jacob’s back,” he said composing himself and pointing at the newly reinstated poster.

“Yeah, courtesy of Liam.” I threw the stress ball at him. He caught it.

“Ah, yes, Liam. I heard you two were together now. Not from you, though, which hurt my feelings. I thought we were closer than that.” He threw it back.

“It’s all very new. If it makes you feel better, we didn’t tell anyone until yesterday.” When we came up with the idea.

“Is that really a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” I threw the ball back.

“Oh, are we pretending that I didn’t know you were hopelessly in love with your best friend and literally left the state with no warning to avoid confronting those feelings?” he chuckled as he threw the ball back .

“I didn’t run to…” I trailed off, realising that it was pointless to lie to Aaron. He was the only person I ever told about my feelings for Liam, and I only did it because he was like a dog with a bone and he could tell something was up in the weeks before I left.

“Okay, fine, so I ran to avoid that. But that has nothing to do with what is happening now. We’re not actually dating,” I said instead. Except the words felt odd in my mouth. It was technically true, but in the aftermath of our morning, it felt less fake than it had yesterday.

I watched confusion fall over Aaron’s face.

“What do you mean?” he eventually asked.

“Vault rules?” I asked, passing the ball back to him. When we were younger, Aaron and I created the ‘vault’ where we could tell each other anything and it would only stay between us. No matter what.

“Of course.”

“Liam and I didn’t bump into each other six weeks ago. He saw me at the airport yesterday and, well, he just retired and broke up with his girlfriend, who, by the way, was only with him because he was a hockey player and had zero interest in him without the ice time, which is frankly ridiculous.” I took a deep breath. “And I just broke up with Kai and neither of us wanted to talk about those things, so he suggested that we divert our parents’ attention while we were here and what better way to do that then by telling them that we were dating?”

“You’ve definitely diverted their attention, but was it the wisest of decisions?”

“Do I think it was smart to fake date the first man I ever loved? No, I think it was incredibly stupid. Up there as maybe one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done, just behind bleaching my hair and fucking my curls up a few years ago. But I can’t tell you how much I needed to not talk about how things with Kai ended once I got here, knowing that everyone probably knew that we broke up. Liam’s idea gave me a way out of doing that, and I can help him in the process as well. Things with him feel like they always did, and it’s easy and nice. There are worse people to try and divert attention with. Besides, I’ve done the unrequited love thing with him before and got out of it fine. I can do it again.”

I couldn’t. Judging by the worried look on Aaron’s face, he knew that too.

“He still lives in Detroit, Ally, and you’ve got deep roots there. You won’t be able to run away and attempt to never see him again when the New Year comes around, and whatever arrangement you have ends but your feelings haven’t.”

He was right. “I’m not going to pretend that I’ve thought that far ahead, Aaron. I’m just going to live in the moment and take each day as it comes.”

And try not to fall in love with Liam. Again.

“So, you’re going to date Liam? Outside of the house?”

“Well, it would be weird if we stayed inside at what is arguably the most romantic time of year with all the lights and trees and all that shit. If we’re supposed to be in the early stages of a relationship, then we would still be trying to spend as much time as possible together, getting to know each other better.”

“I don’t think you need to get to know someone better when you’ve known them since you were three. Yeah sure, there was an interlude in your friendship, but you did the awkward hormonal years together, so you’re basically bonded for life. You know each other’s origin story. You know you get on, that you like each other. And you know that you find him attractive.” He waggled his eyebrows.

“Everyone finds Liam attractive, that doesn’t make me unique.”

“There is a difference between thinking someone is objectively attractive, which I think he is, and finding them sexually attractive, which you think he is.”

I was reminded that there was probably, definitely, a vibrator under my duvet.

“So what if I do? That’s not a crime. You don’t have to worry about me, Aaron. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”

That might have been a bigger lie than telling people that Liam was my boyfriend.

He got off the bed and handed the stress ball to me before wrapping his arms around my waist. Despite everyone telling me that one day he would be my big little brother, he never did quite manage to grow taller than me, and so his head rested on my shoulder as he hugged me tightly.

“This one has the power to ruin you for good, so yeah, I have to worry about you, Ally. But I won’t bring it up again. If you need me for anything, I’m here. I’m always here,” he said quietly in my ear.

There was a gentle knock on the door and Liam’s head popped around it.

“Am I interrupting something?” he asked as Aaron dropped his arms from me and stepped away. “Aaron, didn’t realise you were back.”

“No, I was just leaving. Good to see you, Liam,” Aaron said as he squeezed my bicep once and then walked out.

“You okay?” Liam asked as he stepped further into my room.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied automatically, although it was unclear whether that was true or not. Aaron wasn’t wrong. This did have the power to break my heart, and I didn’t know if thirty-one-year-old me had the strength to get through it this time.