Page 22

Locke

Trash.

Piece of shit.

Scum.

Bastard.

Those are just a few names that run through my head right now. I’m worthless. I fucked up with her. I knew it the second I was inside her. I knew I was wrong, but the drugs were telling me I was right.

And now she’s gone. She left me. She left the club. I figured she would tell Gunner what happened, but it doesn’t seem that way. At least not yet.

I sit in the back of the room, drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette, wondering how the hell this got so out of hand. I don’t fucking know anymore. I just know if I don’t get my shit together, Kiki may never come back, and that’s on me. I can’t stand the thought of her not being here. I can’t stand the thought of Gunner losing her once again.

I’m lost in myself when Remy walks over and sits down next to me.

“Gunner’s talkin’ about sendin’ some of us out to New York,” he says.

“Not me.” He chuckles until I shake my head and look over at him. I’m not joking right now. My head is not in the best place to be sent out like that.

“What’s with you lately? You high?”

“Somethin’ like that,” I tell him as I bring my beer to my lips and take a long pull.

“Didn’t think you were into that.”

“Things change, yeah?”

“What changed, brother? This isn’t you, Locke.” Maybe this is me. Maybe this is who I was meant to be. I shrug my shoulders when I hear Hodge.

“Get up!”

“Fuck off,” I grumble. In seconds, I’m being yanked to my feet. His fist lands in my stomach, and my beer falls from my hands. I don’t fight him back. Why should I?

“Fuck off? After what you did?” Hodge roars before slamming his fist into my face. Still, I take it. I deserve what I get.

“What the hell is this?” I hear Gunner as Hodge pulls back, ready for another one. Gunner steps in between us, shoving Hodge back a step. “I said, what the hell is goin’ on?” he asks, looking between us. I don’t say shit. I stand with blood dripping down my lip, but I don’t say a word. I can’t. I can’t fuck this up too.

“Ask your VP! Ask him where Kiki is,” Hodge yells. Now we’ve drawn a crowd. The guys circle us, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

“Where’s Kiki?” Gunner asks before looking between us once more.

“She’s with her mom,” Hodge tells him.

“She hates her mom,” Gunner adds.

“No shit. She called Tina to let her know where she was. The prospect saw her leave and tried to stop her. She had marks around her neck.” Now Gunner’s eyes shoot to mine and narrow.

“You usin’, Locke?”

“It’s fucked up, Gunner. I’m fucked up!”

“Are you fuckin’ usin’?” I can’t answer him, so I nod my head. Gunner runs his hand through his hair before he looks back to Hodge for a brief second.

“What the hell is goin’ on, Locke? Is this from the shit with Spike?” he asks, trying to understand what the hell is going on. There’s no way. I don’t even know what’s going on in this head of mine anymore.

“I don’t fuckin’ know, Gunner.”

“You don’t know? You don’t fuckin’ know, but you put your hands in my sister?” Hodge screams before stepping back in front of me. I don’t know what to say to them. I don’t know how to make this right. I’m so fucked up right now that I can’t see straight, and I’ll gladly take what they have to give.

Gunner pushes him back a few steps before he’s in my face.

“You put your hands on my daughter, Locke?” I nod my head, unable to answer him verbally because it fucking disgusts me I did that. The next thing I know, his fist is colliding with my face. A few more hits and the world goes dark.

I woke up sometime the next day in my room, lying on the floor. The metallic taste of blood in my mouth makes me gag when a bucket is thrust in front of me.

“Puke in that,” Remy suggests before disappearing into the bathroom. He comes back out with a wash rag in his hand and passes it to me.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me. I should have beat your ass with the rest of them,” he says. He’s probably right. He should have. I spit in the bucket before wiping my face on the cloth. Dried blood peels off my skin as I do.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have done somethin’, Locke.”

“Nothin’ to do, Remy. I’m fucked up.”

“We all are, but hurtin’ Kiki?”

“I didn’t mean to. Things got carried away.”

I reach for the pack of cigarettes on the bed and light one up before leaning back against the wall. My head is swimming, and my stomach is churning. I can’t stop thinking about Kiki.

I ruined her. I ruined what part of her she had left that thought there were good men out there. I messed with her heart and head. I’m a complete piece of shit for it too. I’ve managed to ruin two women in my life at different times. How could I do that? What kind of man does that make me?

“I could have fuckin’ helped you, brother.”

“I know. I’m sorry, Remy. I fucked up badly. I just … fuck man! The past is always there. It almost killed Kiki. And I still can’t get past it.”

“Things happen for a reason, Locke. I believe that. But you gotta get your shit together, brother. This is just your downfall, your rock bottom. Now it’s time to climb the fuck back up.”

“I know, brother. I know that.”

“The past is always gonna be there. You have to learn to live with it. Kiki told Tina, and Tina told me what happened. That’s not on you, Locke. Genie did what she did, and that’s that. You didn’t do it, brother. I know it’s hard to believe and hard to take in, but that isn’t on you.”

“I can see her in my goddam sleep, Remy. Her fuckin’ face as it morphs into Kiki. Do you know how fuckin’ scary that is?”

“You saw me?” I hear her voice, and my stomach clenches. She shouldn’t be back here. She shouldn’t be near me at all. I turn my head at the same time Remy does to see Kiki standing in the doorway.

“You were dead,” I whisper, but she hears me. I see the tears as they sparkle in her eyes before slowly slipping down her cheeks.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I couldn’t. I didn’t want to scare you away,” I tell her. She crosses her arms over her chest when Remy stands from the bed and walks out. He pats her on the shoulder as I blow smoke into the air. Kiki walks toward me and sits on the edge of the bed.

“Your Dad know you’re here?” I ask her.

“Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first.”

“About what?”

“You look terrible,” she says softly as she takes me in. I’m bruised, bloody, and a fucking mess.

“So I’ve been told. What are you doin’ here?” I ask as I shove myself up the wall. That’s when she sees everything they did to me. Blood stains my shirt and body. Her eyes widen as she comes toward me but I throw my hands up to stop her.

“Don’t.”

“What the hell happened?”

“You think they wouldn’t find out?” I ask her. She covers her mouth with her hands and shakes her head as tears continue to stream down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“Don’t do that. I got what I deserved.”

“You didn’t deserve this!” she denies, motioning toward me.

“You should go see your Dad, Kiki. He was worried about you.”

“Mom’s here. She wants to get help. She’s talking to Dad.”

“That’s good. She should get help.”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Not much to say, is there?”

“I wanted to hate you. I wanted to hate you for what you did, but I couldn’t. I …” Her voice trails off.

“You should hate me. That’s all there is left to do here.” With that, I walk away and close myself in the bathroom.