Page 19

Kiki

He went. He went on the goddamn run just like I knew he would. I thought if I threw a big enough tantrum, he would stay back, but he didn’t. Of course, he didn’t. He’s a man. And men don’t listen.

I’m so on edge. I don’t want a repeat of what happened last time he left. I’m scared shitless that something worse could happen to them.

I watch Hodge as he throws back shot after shot, and it makes me wonder why he didn’t go, but I don’t have the balls to ask. Instead, I vent to Tina about how fucked up this is.

“I just worry about him,” I tell her.

“I know you do, but he has a good head on his shoulders, and he won’t let that shit happen again. You have to believe that.”

“I know, I do. It’s just scary to think about. You know? Anything could happen.”

“He’ll be fine,” Hodge grumbles listening in on our conversation.

“You don’t know that for sure. Everyone said he’d be fine the last time and look what happened to you guys.”

“And we’re fine, yeah?”

“Are you?” He blows out a breath, and that’s when Tina walks away. I walk over and sit next to him.

“I don’t know, Kiki. My head has been a little off since that shit happened. I feel like I should have seen it comin’. I should have stopped it, but there it just us and about twelve of them. It was fucked up,” he tells me. Locke hasn’t told me anything about that night.

“Twelve? And you expected to win that fight?”

“I don’t know, Kiki. I should have fuckin’ done more. I let my VP get fucked over. Then some bitch shot you. Fuck!” He roars as I reach over and grab his hand.

“I get it. You feel bad. You think there’s more you could have done. I feel the same way, Hodge. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough to warn you guys. Maybe there was more I could have done,” I confess as he turns to look at me.

“There wasn’t. We wouldn’t have listened to you, Kiki. As much as I love you, we wouldn’t have listened. We didn’t listen and look at what happened. It’s my fault. I was callin’ the shots that night,” he reveals.

“It was no one’s fault, Hodge. Spike is sneaky. He always has been. You did what you had to do. I’m just glad the guys got there when they did. Who the hell knows what would have happened to you, and I can’t lose you, Hodge.” He shifts on his stool before pulling me into a hug.

“You’re not losin’ me. I’m just a little fucked up right now.”

“I get that. Just don’t forget I’m here for you,” I whisper in his ear. He holds me against him for a long time, and I savor every second of this. It’s been too long since I’ve hugged my brother. Too long since we’ve talked like this, too.

“I’m proud of you, Kiki,” he says when he pulls away.

“For what?”

“Everything. Gettin’ away from him. Gettin’ here. Bein’ who you are. I’m just damn proud of you.” Now, a smile tugs across my face.

“Thank you, Hodge. I don’t think I hear that enough, and I doubt myself sometimes.”

“Never do that. You got this. You got the club, me, Dad, Locke. You got all you’re ever gonna need right here.”

“I appreciate that more than you know.”

“Good. This is home, and this is family.”

“Same goes for you, Hodge. I’m here for you.”

“That’s cause you’re my sister,” he smirks.

“Damn right, I am.”

“I’m gonna go talk to Duke for a minute. Just keep calm. He’ll be back,” he says, shoving off the stool before walking away. I watch him go as Tina takes his seat.

“How’d that go?”

“I think he needed to talk.”

“That’s good. Maybe he’ll calm down a little. He’s been uptight since everything happened.”

“I think everyone has seen that, but he blames a lot of it on himself.”

“Seriously? He shouldn’t.”

“That’s what I told him,” I say as I grab the rest of his beer and take a sip. I make a gagging face before putting it back down. “I can drink, but not this crap.”

“You were never one for a good beer,” she teases, grinning.

“I’m so nervous. What should we do?”

“You should come sit with me,” I hear my dad’s voice. I turn and see him walking toward us, a serious look on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“We need to talk.”

“About what?”

“Come take a walk with me.” I nod and climb off the stool, walking toward him. We walk in silence, side by side, out the side door and into the yard.

“What’s this about?”

“We lost track of Spike there for a while. You knew that. He’s been in and out of town for the most part. Movin’ around. But there’s one place he always goes,” he says as I watch him.

“Where?”

“New York. He always goes home. And I wanna send some guys over there to handle his ass. I want to finish this shit with him so we can all move on.”

“And you want to send Locke?”

“You think he wouldn’t go?”

“I know he would. That’s the problem,” I tell him.

“You knew what he did when you got involved with him, sweetheart. This is our life. This is what we do, and we protect our family. You’re more than that now. You’re with him, and you’re my daughter. Hodge’s sister. We can’t let this shit slide, Kiki. No way in hell.”

“You can’t do this. Do you realize how much pull Spike has there?” I snap at him. This is a bad idea. I don’t like it at all. He can’t send him.

“I know what he has, but I also know Locke has some pull over there as well. That’s why I want to send him. He can use his resources to get closer to him,” he tells me. I shake my head and run my hand through my hair.

“This is a bad idea, Dad. You can’t send him there.”

“The man is strong, tough. He can handle this. I know he can. If I didn’t think he could, I wouldn’t send him, Kiki. In his heart, in his head, he knows he has to protect you. That’s what’s gonna drive him. You.”

“I don’t want it that way! I don’t want that on my shoulders! What if something happens to him again, Dad? I can’t live with myself knowing it was my fault. Don’t you get that?” I scream at him. He nods his head and rests his hand on my shoulder.

“I get it, sweetheart, but what do you think he’d do to himself if he lost you?” I close my eyes, not wanting to think about that. I don’t want to know what he’d do to himself because it hurts. “Locke was in a very dark place for years until you came along. Let the man do his job. Let him protect you the only way he knows how.”

“I’m scared,” I whisper. My dad pulls me into a hug and holds onto me tightly.

“Everything is gonna be fine. I promise.”