Page 20

Locke

We pull over at the gas station to gas up our bikes. My skin itches and crawls with the need for more. You see, I’ve kept a secret for the past couple of months. A secret that led Genie straight to her death. I’m not proud of the shit I’ve been doing. I’m not even a little happy about it, but I can’t stop. The pain is too much. And I don’t just mean the pain from being shot and stabbed. The pain from knowing I could take Kiki down the same goddamn path I did Genie wears heavily on me.

I look around and make sure none of the guys see me as I walk into the gas station bathroom and pull out the powder and the pill bottle. Shaking a few into my hand, I swallow them down quickly before I snort a line. I close my eyes and lean against the wall, waiting for it all to kick in. I know I shouldn’t be doing this. I know it’s fucked up, and yet here I am.

I keep my eyes closed as the coke starts to work. Taking a deep breath, I know I have to go back out there and ride the rest of the way home, too. I’m a fucked up mess, and I can’t let Kiki see that. I don’t want her to. But what if she does? I can’t stop it. I can’t stop her. She’ll be introduced to my new world. The world I live in now. The ache in my chest is no longer there as I walk out of the bathroom and back to my bike.

“You okay?” Pitch asks.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t look it,” he says as he stares me down.

“Neither do you. What the fuck is this?” I snap at him. He shakes his head as he raises his hand to motion to my face.

“You left a little behind, brother.” I reach up and wipe my nose before turning away from him. Just another fuck up. That’s all I’m going to be. I don’t know why I thought I could be more for Kiki. I can’t. I wish I could. I wish I could be better, love her, and take care of her the way she deserves, but here I am. Fucking up again.

“You gotta fuckin’ be kiddin’ me? You gonna ride like that?” Pitch asks. I turn back around and look at him.

“Yeah, motherfucker I am. You got a problem, Hodge?” I ask him, raising my arms out to the side. This isn’t me. I would never act this way toward my brothers, but this is my reality. The reality I tried so hard for the last few months to keep hidden. Fuck! What am I doing?

“I think you got a problem, Locke.”

“Oh, you do? You my dad now?” I ask him in a challenging tone. Pitch huffs out a laugh before shaking his head.

“You gonna fuck it all up, aren’t you, Locke? You’re gonna fuckin’ ruin everything you have right now.”

“What am I fuckin’ up, Pitch? Please tell me.”

“You know what. You’re just tryin’ to sabotage what you have with Kiki. You’re gonna break that girl, and you know it. Then I’m gonna beat your fuckin’ ass for doin’ it. Just remember that,” he says, pointing his finger at me.

“You wanna fight, Pitch? That what this is?”

“No. I want your head on straight, motherfucker. I want you to think about what you’re doin’ and who the fuck you’re doin’ it to!”

“She’s fine, Pitch. She doesn’t even know,” I tell him.

“You think she’s stupid? You think she isn’t gonna figure this shit out on her own? Kiki is smarter than you’re givin’ her credit for, Locke.”

“Then what do you want me to do? Huh? Call it off with her?” Pitch shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair, blowing out a breath. I know this song and dance. I lived it before, and I swore I was never going back to it, and yet here I am.

“I didn’t say that.” He calms his tone. “But she doesn’t deserve this shit, and you know it.”

“I’m tryin’ Pitch! I’m fuckin’ tryin’!” I roar this time.

“Let’s just go,” he snaps, turning his back on me and climbing on his bike. I do the same as the others come out of the store and head for the bikes oblivious to what just happened out here.

We rev the bikes and take off, heading back to the clubhouse. My mind is a mess. My body doesn’t hurt, and neither does my heart at this point.

When we pull into the parking lot, I kill the engine and climb off, ignoring the others as I storm into the garage and lean against the workbench. She doesn’t need to see me like this. He’s right. She doesn’t deserve any of this. And yet, I run another line on the dirty countertop.

“What is this?” I hear her voice, and something inside me wants to break. I want to break.

“Real life.”

“What does that mean?”

“Just what you saw,” I tell her. She steps closer, and I turn to face her, lifting my hand to her cheek. Fuck she’s so perfect, and here I am ruining her. I can see it in her eyes.

“This from what happened?” she asks.

“Some of it. Some of it … I don’t fuckin’ know anymore,” I admit. She nods her head before she steps back, and my hand falls away from her face.

“Dad know about this?” she asks me. Now I chuckle.

“He doesn’t need to know all my fuckin’ business, Kiki. I’m a grown fuckin’ man.”

“Then act like it.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Just what I said. This is disgusting, Locke. This isn’t you.”

“Disgustin’? I didn’t hear any complaints when I was kissin’ every curve of your body or when I slid in between those perfect little thighs.” I see her cheeks turn pink. I know how she feels about me. She wants me. She always wants me.

“You can’t do this,” she whispers as I lean down and brush my lips over hers. I touch her, letting my hands move all over her body. She’s so fucking soft under my palms.

“Is it disgustin’ when my lips do this?” I ask her as I kiss her softly.

“Or when I do this?” I ask her when I slide my hand into the front of her jeans and touch her clit. She gasps, and I know just how much she wants me.

“Come on, Kiki. Tell me how disgustin’ this is,” I beg her as she slowly rolls her hips into my hand.

I rip my hand from the front of her jeans and tear them down her legs before doing the same to mine. Then I lift her in my arms and set her on the dirty counter in front of me.

“Tell me how disgustin’ I am when I fuck you on this counter,” I tell her as I slide my hard cock inside of her. She gasps and holds onto me as I fuck her senseless. Her small cries drive me forward, and I pump into her faster and harder.

“Come on, Kiki! Tell me!”

“Shut up!”

“Do it. Fuckin’ tell me now,” I growl at her. Harder and harder, I pump into her before I slide my hand up and wrap it around her throat. I’m here, but I’m not. I don’t know where I am, but I know what I feel. Anger. Rage. I want to consume her. I want her begging me.

“Stop, Locke! Fuckin’ move,” she begs as I keep thrusting into her. I ignore her cries. I ignore her pleas, and I keep fucking her until I can’t breathe anymore, and then I let go. I fill her full of me. I fill her with every ounce of anger and rage that fills me.

I’m out of breath when I pull out of her and slide my jeans back on. Kiki sits there in stunned silence before she finally climbs off the counter and grabs her clothes. I watch her pull them back on as I light up a cigarette.

“Kiki,” I call her name softly, but what’s done is done. I see the tears streaming down her cheeks. I know I fucked up.

“You’re disgusting.” With that, she walks away, leaving me to my own thoughts.