Page 8

8

SAWYER

The self-discipline I normally took pride in seemed nonexistent when it came to Johnny.

Making good decisions always came easy to me, but when I saw the picture Johnny sent, my good intentions dissolved like the wind. I knew what he was doing, and I wanted him to do more.

Push me, tempt me, goad me into punishing him with my palm first and then my dick.

Down his throat. Up his ass.

He wanted it all. He was begging for it.

But no matter how horny he was or how badly he needed attention, leaving his front door unlocked and going to bed was always a bad idea. And in his neighborhood, it was practically an invitation to be attacked.

Without worrying about all the pros and cons of walking into his apartment while he slept, I slipped on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt and hit the road. I tried to convince myself I was just going to check on him, lock his door, and let myself out. Nothing more. But even my subconscious knew I was full of shit.

Johnny had unlocked a core desire that I’d repressed my whole life. Maybe if I’d had siblings, I would have understood my nature better. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized a brat with a need for attention and direction would suit me better than a mild submissive who lived to please. That would get boring after a while, and I didn’t need more boring in my life. I had plenty of that.

Boring wasn’t a term I generally used to describe myself, but after knowing Johnny for just a few short hours, it was the only term that came to mind. The only term that summed me up in a world without Johnny.

My jaw clenched, and I sighed as resignation to the truth settled through me.

My foot hit the accelerator harder, unable to stay away from Johnny any longer. It was almost eleven when I turned onto the street Johnny lived on.

What was I thinking? What was I doing besides making a fool out of myself?

My fixation was wholly on this wild boy with a heart that needed sheltering more than any homeless puppy I’d ever taken in. I wasn’t gonna let logic or laws or propriety stop me from checking on him.

Fuck, I’d never set myself up to fail so hard in my life.

One risk. I’d take this one risk in my life. If it worked, I’d feel good about it and give it a real shot. If Johnny turned me away or blocked me, I’d take the sign from the universe that I was meant to care for dogs and not boys. I was a fast study and could pick up cues well.

As I walked to his apartment, it hit me that Johnny had a way of bringing out a side of me I thought I’d outgrown. I always knew I was a Daddy, but could I be a fun Daddy? A why-the-hell-not Daddy?

Maybe I could be more flexible if he could be less carefree. It was all about compromise and boundaries and figuring out what we each needed. I was definitely good at those things. I pushed my sleeves up and the hem of my shirt down, and then tried the knob on his door.

Motherfucker, it was unlocked. There was a dim light coming in from the kitchen, but it was otherwise quiet. I locked the door behind me and kicked off my shoes. The apartment was small, so it was easy to find the bedroom, and when I walked in, my heart nearly stopped.

One wall was lined with short bookshelves covered in stuffed animals, baskets with toy cars and blocks and picture books. They didn’t look new, so I wondered if maybe they were from Johnny’s childhood. Which meant he was either very nostalgic…or he was a Little.

I quickly ran through some of the things he’d said to me and tried to find any hits. Calling me Daddy was one hint, but the stuffed wolf he was wrapped around was another indicator.

My eyes drifted down his naked form, and I groaned as quietly as possible.

Johnny was absolutely gorgeous, lying on his belly with his pert bubble butt on display and his full lips slightly parted as he slept.

Just then, his face wrenched up and he cried out. “No, no!” He thrashed around in his bed and flipped on this back so he could kick wildly. “Stop!”

“Johnny.” I pulled the sheet over his lap to seem slightly less creepy then placed my hand on his shoulder. “Wake up, sweetheart. You’re having a bad dream.”

Johnny startled and tightened his grip on his wolf as his eyes focused in the low lighting. “What?”

“It’s Sawyer.” I released his shoulder to give him some space, but he grabbed my wrist and held me in place.

“Sawyer?” He squinted and a whoosh of breath escaped his lungs. “You came back?”

“I did.” I brushed my thumb over his bare shoulder and sighed. “You almost gave me a stroke with the unlocked door comment. I wouldn’t have been able to relax without making sure you were safe.”

He blinked at me, his eyes still clouded with sleep. The sheet slipped down his hip, and he made no move to pull it back up. “Do you like me, Sawyer?”

“I do like you, Jonathan.” It didn’t make sense and was a terrible idea, but it was true. “More than I should.”

He rubbed his eyes with the heel of one hand and frowned at me. “Even after seeing my toys? And my picture?”

“Especially after seeing this side of you, sweetheart.” I sucked in a deep breath. “We can have this conversation tomorrow. Tonight, you need sleep so you can wake up for work tomorrow.”

Johnny’s lower lip popped out in the cutest pout. “You’re leaving?”

“For now, so you can sleep. But I’d like to take you to dinner tomorrow. Would you like that?”

His brow furrowed, and he cocked his head. “Like, a date?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t want to leave, but it was the right thing to do. I looked around for a place to sit, but he scooted over and patted the sheet beside him. “Please don’t leave your door unlocked. It’s not safe, and I’ll never stop worrying if I can’t trust you with basic self-care.”

He just watched me as I watched him with his long lashes and full lips. This boy was so beautiful.

“Okay, but…” Before I knew what he was doing, he wrapped his hand around my wrist and tugged me close enough that I lowered onto the bed. Johnny threw one leg over mine, locking me in place as he nuzzled against my chest like he’d done it a thousand times before. “I’m just so happy you’re here.”

I stroked his hair and felt him relax against me. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Me neither.” His words were barely audible as he closed his eyes. “Now I can have good dreams.”

I didn’t have to wait long for his breath to even out, and after just a few minutes, he was asleep. I could have left immediately, but I waited a bit longer before I shifted him off me so I could sneak out.

“Sawyer,” he said with eyes still shut and sleep pulling at his voice. “I’d like to go to dinner tomorrow.” The sheet had pulled away again, but he made no effort to cover himself up. This boy didn’t seem to know the meaning of modesty.

That was great for me, as long as he was a bit more discreet around others. I didn’t share my most sacred gifts. And he was quickly becoming the most sacred of them all. “Good night, sweet boy.”