Page 13

13

SAWYER

I was scheduled to be at the shelter the next morning, so I packed a bag of casual clothes and my overnight kit then drove Johnny to his apartment.

As soon as we got inside, he kicked off his shoes and then ran into his room. “I wanna show you something.”

“I’m coming.” I kicked off my shoes too and folded my jacket over the back of the couch before I followed him into his room.

When I got there, Johnny had a board book in his hands and was holding it out to me.

I reached for the book and read the cover. “ Bobby Gets Ready For Bed. Would you like me to read this to you?” I carefully watched Johnny to see his response.

He didn’t say anything, but he looked at the book in my hand as if waiting for me to open it.

The first page was about Bobby taking a bubble bath with some floating boat toys.

I nodded toward his bathroom. “I think it’s time for Johnny to take a bath, isn’t it?”

He nodded and seemed relieved that I’d caught on to his method of communicating.

“All right, sweetheart. Let’s get you cleaned up before bedtime.”

Johnny lifted his arm and extended it toward me, so I grabbed his hand and slowly guided him to his bathroom. Compared to the mini bombs that were sprinkled throughout the rest of the apartment, the bathroom was suspiciously clean, as if somebody might have anticipated this moment earlier in the day and scrubbed down the tub before lining it with floating toys. There was even a full bottle of bubble bath sitting on the back of the toilet.

I lowered the plug for the tub and turned on the water to the right temperature before I reached for the bottle of bubbles. “Do you like a lot of bubbles or a little bubbles?”

He raised an eyebrow as if mocking such a ridiculous question.

I chuckled and dumped a quarter of the bottle into the running water. “Massive bubbles, it is.”

With the tub filling, I turned back to my boy and almost gasped at the level of pure joy and contentment radiating from him. “Let’s get you undressed.”

Johnny just stood there and didn’t make any effort to take off his clothes, so I took that to mean he wanted me to help. I’d never given someone a bath before, but I’d witnessed enough caretaking scenes that each step we explored came naturally.

I helped Johnny remove every article of clothing and glanced at the toilet. “Do you need to go potty before you get in the water?” I cupped his cheek, unable to keep my hands off him.

He nodded but didn’t make a move for the toilet.

“I can step out to give you some privacy.”

Johnny looked down at his feet but subtly shook his head.

This felt like a big step, even more intimate than sex, but I promised to listen to his cues and take care of him in the way that he needed. I sucked in a deep breath and tilted his chin up so he was looking at me in the eye again. “Do you need Daddy to help you?”

Johnny’s eyes were glassy as if he might cry, but he nodded and held his breath.

Terrified, I would do the wrong thing, I forced my nerves to chill the fuck out, and I projected an outward calm that didn’t match what I was feeling on the inside. “All right, sweetheart. You stand here, and I’ll hold you.” Standing behind him while he stood over the toilet, I wrapped one arm across his chest to steady him and used my other hand to point his flaccid penis into the toilet. “Go ahead.”

It took a second for him to relax, but then he emptied his bladder while I held him in place.

If I didn’t think it would have freaked him out, I might have gotten a little misty as well because no one had ever trusted me like this before. No one had put their faith in me and believed I would be what they needed.

When he was done, he turned in my arms and placed his forehead in the crook of my neck and whispered, “Thank you.”

I held him tight until the tub was full and it was time for him to climb in. I rolled up a towel on the edge so he could keep his bandaged leg dry, and just watching him made my heart feel full.

Johnny played with his toys for a few minutes, but he kept yawning, and I could tell it had been an emotionally draining day for him.

For me too.

When he was done with the bath but still covered in suds, we released the water from the tub and turned on the shower. I got undressed too and stood under the hot spray with him to rinse us both off.

We kept our cleaning PG, but his tiny shower made it hard to avoid some teasing contacts. I suddenly regretted the huge shower I’d installed in my bathroom at home.

After drying off, we both brushed our teeth, and then I wrapped a towel around my waist and bundled up Johnny like a burrito before walking him back to his bed.

The book was on the comforter, so I picked it up and flipped through the next few pages. “Looks like it’s time for pajamas.”

Johnny waddled over to his dresser and stood beside it, unable to open it with his arms trapped inside the tightly swaddled towel.

I grinned and followed him over to help. “Top drawer?”

He shook his head.

I lowered my hand so it hovered over the second door. “Am I getting warm?”

He smiled and nodded.

“All right, which PJs would Johnny like today?” I said to myself out loud.

There were several options—from one-piece footed pajamas to T-shirts that snapped at the crotch.

It wasn’t too cold, and since I was staying over, I worried he would get hot in long pants and sleeves, so my palm hovered over one of the T-shirt options.

Johnny dropped his chin just a fraction of an inch to let me know I was warm.

I flipped through the fabric until I found a puppy print and pulled it out. “How about this one?”

He nodded and lifted his arms up as the towel fell to the ground at his feet.

Okay, Little Johnny is nonverbal but easy to communicate with.

I grinned and bunched up the sides of the onesie in my hand so I could easily slip it over his arms and head.

This was funner than I expected.