Page 5

5

SAWYER

What was it about the kid that kept me from leaving?

Johnny was a pain in the ass who should have annoyed me to the core, just like every other obnoxious boy with a goddamn skateboard and a death wish. But when he smiled up at me, all bloody and scratched, my annoyance just disappeared.

And that was annoying too.

I didn’t do brats. I didn’t have time or patience for tantrums or drama or whining. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to just walk.

It would have been easier to have sent him on his way after I knew he wasn’t seriously injured. But I couldn’t do it. My instinct to protect and comfort kicked in, and I was suddenly diagnosing his injuries and planning for his recovery as if I knew what I was talking about.

When Johnny’s initial reaction was to decline my offer for help, I should have taken that at face value and moved along. But from the first time he uttered the word sir to me, I could see right through him. I could see that he wasn’t just a brat. There was something soft and open about him that I couldn’t resist.

Which led me to holding his hand in the waiting room, hoping I was bringing as much comfort to him as he was bringing to me.

“What happened this time, Mr. Sutter?” The doctor was looking down at his chart and waiting for Johnny, who was apparently a frequent flyer, to fill him in.

The kid wasn’t paying attention, so I spoke up. “Johnny took a fall on his skateboard. He had a few scratches and his ankle hurts when he puts weight on it, but he said everything else was fine.”

The doctor just shook his head as he pulled out a penlight and took a closer look at the damage. He made a few comments, but Johnny was totally checked out. I would have thought he’d fallen asleep if not for the way he cringed and pressed his hand over mine when the doctor poked and prodded.

I hadn’t planned on getting dragged into this mess. But then there was Johnny, too wild for his own good and definitely too wild for mine. Yet, I still wasn’t ready to let go.

When he whimpered during the disinfecting portion of his visit, I pressed his cheek to my chest and just held on to him. “He’s almost done, kiddo. Just a few more minutes, and then we’ll get you home.”

“Okay,” he whispered into my shirt.

I should have been relieved to hear he wasn’t more seriously injured or traumatized, but I hated that he had to be so strong, even when I knew damn well he was hurting by the way his fingers clenched around mine and his breaths quickened.

Bedside manner had never been a part of my life, but I suddenly had the urge to take away any fears or apprehension Johnny had about his visit.

“Are we done yet?” He cracked one eye open and looked at me. “It’s been like five hours.”

I scoffed and wiped some loose strands of hair off his brow like I had the right to. “It’s been less than five minutes, but almost.”

The doctor chuckled quietly, and just a few minutes later, he was giving care instructions.

It was obvious Johnny wasn’t paying attention, so I pulled out my phone and recorded a voice message so we didn’t miss anything.

"Alright, Mr. Sutter. I want you to keep the area clean and dry for the next couple days." He handed me a small pack of butterfly bandages in case the first set came loose. "No soaking it, no picking at it, and definitely no flexing it open. If it starts to look red, swollen, or oozes anything nasty, see your primary care physician. Otherwise, let the bandages fall off on their own."

I narrowed my eyes at Johnny, hoping to lighten the mood. "He looks like a picker and a flexer, but I’ll leave a note to remind him."

“Good man.” The doctor patted Johnny’s knee before stepping back and glancing between us. “Let’s hope I don’t see either of you again anytime soon.”

“You won’t see me.” I couldn’t remember ever being in an emergency room in my life. Maybe when I was a kid, but certainly not as an adult. “But I can’t make promises on behalf of this one. He’s a bit of a daredevil.”

The doctor nodded with big eyes. “Not just a bit based on the frequency I see him. Good luck with that!”

Johnny pretended to be sleeping, but he couldn’t hide his little smirk.

I waited until the doctor had walked away before I squeezed Johnny’s hand. “He’s gone now. You can quit faking.” The kid was cute, I could give him that. Big eyes that shone with just enough mischief that I knew he needed constant supervision. A typical brat.

Johnny opened his eyes and stretched. “I wasn’t faking. Just resting my eyes. I’ve heard his lecture a million times.”

“A million?” That came out gruffer than I meant, but what was up with this guy? “So you’re really some kind danger chaser?”

“I wouldn’t say that…but if I had a dollar for every gash or scrape I’ve been in here for, I wouldn’t have to work ever again.” He laughed like that was something to joke around about.

It wasn’t funny. Not one fucking bit.

And when my stomach roiled, I narrowed my brow. “You understand that you only have one body, right? If you don’t take care of it, you’re gonna regret it when you’re old like me.”

He had the nerve to roll his damn eyes. “A, you’re not old. And second, it doesn’t matter anyway. I’m not gonna get old.” Johnny shrugged as if he were talking about the weather.

I resisted the urge to shake some sense into him as I helped him up. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I tucked him close to me and held most of his weight to keep it off his tender ankle as we headed out. Now that he was cleaned up, his cuts didn’t seem too bad, but it was still way more damage than I was comfortable with.

“I’m not trying to die or anything, but it’s the only way I can feel alive.” He sucked in a deep breath and then blew it out. “Look, I do absolutely nothing ninety percent of the time. But that other ten percent…” He shrugged nonchalantly. “It makes the rest of the time worth living. And when it stops working then…whatever.”

“Whatever?” He was really starting to piss me off. How did people put up with brats? My heart wouldn’t last the first night. “Don’t you have family? Friends? People who care about you? People that you care about?”

“Not really. My mom’s in Florida in a memory care facility. I care about her, but she doesn’t lose sleep over my bumps and bruises. My parents were old when I was born, so my dad’s already gone and my mom doesn’t usually remember me.”

“Fuck, Johnny.” My heart broke for the kid. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

He shook his head and tried to pull away, but I didn’t let him. “It’s fine. She’s been sick since I was in high school. I mean, not this bad, but it started early. And my friends give me the same lectures the doc does, but the way I see it.” Johnny yawned, and his whole body shivered like the motion passed all the way through him. “You either live life to the fullest or you might as well be dead. I’m just picking the former until the latter picks me.”

Damn.

When we got to my car, I took more liberties while getting him inside and buckled up. It just felt like what he needed. And honestly, it was what I needed too. He all but came out and said no one gave a shit about him, and I knew that wasn’t true because I was already feeling way more invested in his well-being than I did for just about anyone.

On paper, he was exactly what I didn’t want. Maybe that was what I got for thinking I had a type. Johnny was definitely the type I avoided, but now I wasn’t entirely sure why. “What’s your address?”

He rattled it off while I added it to my GPS, and then we left the lot. It was dark and later than I realized. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Want to grab something on the way?”

“Yeah, I’m always hungry.” We’d only been in the car for two minutes, and he’d already turned the radio to a rap station and blasted the air-conditioning like it was his car. We stopped at a light, and Johnny lowered the window to shout at some guy waiting on a bike. “Yo, sick ride, man.” He gave him a thumbs up like he wasn’t fresh off his own wheeled-vehicle incident.

My gut twisted at his lack of concern for his own well-being. Any one who was responsible for keeping this kid alive was in for a brutal reality check. And that meant I needed to shut the voice inside my head that was talking about being his Daddy…and taming the boy.

What the hell would that even look like? I couldn’t imagine it…but I couldn’t not imagine it either.

“I know a good Chinese noodle house near here. Sound good?”

“Totally.” Johnny gasped and then turned his body in the chair, suddenly wide awake. “Send Noods?”

I nodded and turned right in the direction of the restaurant. “Yeah, you know it?”

“Know it?” He chuckled and leaned back in the seat. “I live it. It’s my fave place to eat, and my fave way to text.”

Fuck me.

I sucked in a deep breath and willed my dick not to get too excited at the prospect of ever seeing his nudes. “That reminds me, I should get your number. I want to send you the instructions the doctor gave me.”

Johnny cocked his head and smirked. “Sawyer, you dirty dog. You want my nudes, don’cha.”

“What?” When did the car get so hot? It was usually temperature controlled, but it suddenly felt stifling. “No, of course not. I just don’t want to forget to send it.” I hit my blinker as we pulled up across from the restaurant parking lot. “But I can air drop it, if that’s better.”

He laughed out loud. “I’m just messin’ with ya. I’ll send the nudes. What’s your number?” Johnny held his phone up and pointed at the screen like he was ready to punch in my number. Smartass.

“Never mind.” I shook my head, embarrassed and a little flustered by the exchange. Just how obvious was it that I completely wanted to see his nudes and not just in 2D?

“I get it. You want the real thing?” He nodded and put his phone in his pocket. “You shoulda said something at the hospital, and I would’ve asked for a gown.

“Jonathan.” I only knew that was his full name from the discharge paperwork I was handed, but it felt natural to scold him. It felt even more natural when he sucked in a breath and straightened his back in the seat.

“Fine, geez. I won’t flash you.” He spoke as if it was such an imposition. “It’s not my fault I’m into Daddies.”

Now my breath hitched, and I was dumbstruck for a second as I pulled into a parking spot. “What did you just say?”

His eyes were wide as if he didn’t think I’d heard him. “Nothing. Just…let’s just get food.”

I wanted to press him, but I wasn’t sure how to respond either way, so I just nodded and we went into the restaurant. It was late enough that plenty of tables were open, so we were quickly seated and placed our orders.

When Johnny’s plate of chicken lo mein arrived, I sat back and watched, curious to see how he was gonna play things. To my surprise, he picked up the chopsticks and expertly wielded them to bring large mouthfuls of noodles to his mouth.

Such a polite boy when he wanted to be.

I made the mistake of asking him a question right as he shoved a mountain of noodles in his mouth. “Good?”

Johnny nodded and didn’t flinch. “So good.” A few strands slipped out of his lips, and he just slurped them back in. “Yours?”

I’d barely taken a bite, so I dug in and actually paid attention to the crispy duck noodles on my plate. It was delicious. “Also good.”

I could barely take my eyes off him, and every time a spot of sauce appeared on his cheek or chin, it took everything in me to keep from reaching over and wiping it off.

Our meal was surprisingly mellow. Did hunger make people do dumb shit? I almost wondered if low blood sugar contributed to his bad decisions. It was something I’d have to look up later.

Much to my horror and amusement, Johnny’s apartment was only a few blocks away from my house. We were within walking distance, but I’d never walked down his street. Our neighborhoods were about as different as they could be.

Where I lived on a tree-lined block with large lots and six-car garages, Johnny’s block was lined with four-plex buildings and people smoking in small groups at the curb. “Can I park here?” There was a No Parking sign just past where I pulled in, but I wasn’t clear if it was meant for the space.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Johnny sighed and released his seatbelt. “Thanks for the ride, and sorry again about running into you.”

That’s it? He was dismissing me on the side of the road? I don’t think so.

At the same time that he grabbed the door handle, I grabbed his hand. “Can I send that voice message to you somehow?”

Johnny smiled widely and leaned back against the seat. “Still angling for a nude, huh?” He opened his phone to the contact app and typed in my name. “What’s your number?”

I rattled it off and waited to get a confirmation text before I let go of him. “You want me to walk you in?”

The longing in his gaze was unmistakable as he turned back to me and shook his head. “My hopes are already up. Don’t make it harder for me to say goodbye.”

Before I could argue or even fully process what he’d just said, Johnny was pulling his bags off the backseat and waving goodbye.

His hopes were up? Did that mean he was feeling the same pull to me that I felt to him?

Maybe yes, maybe no. Normally I wouldn’t take the risk in finding out, but this was too good to walk away from.

Johnny was too good to walk away from.