Page 49 of Lights Out (Love in the Paddock #1)

Caleb is afraid that I’m going to be hurt by the social media machine. Fears that it will destroy me like it nearly destroyed his mum.

Fears that he’s going to lose me.

Caleb is desperate to protect me from the media machine that not only destroyed his mum’s mental health, but nearly destroyed his whole family, too.

I’m suddenly reminded he’s going to relive this trauma, and the media will be prying into his life on a personal level all over again.

I understand now why he’s reacting the way he is.

I blink back tears. I made a vow to protect him from that, and in my anxiety over my career, I lost sight of that.

But as soon as I feel that pain for him, a fire lights within me. History is not going to repeat itself. Not with me, and I will not let it happen to Caleb, either. I will help him face that media barrage. I’ll do anything I can to protect him. If I could absorb all of that for him, I would.

I stare up at the man I’m falling in love with, and I feel nothing but determination inside. I will be there for you, I silently promise him. And we’ll get through this together.

“I’m not your mum,” I say as I put my hands on his face and begin to caress it. “I’m not . This situation is different.”

He freezes. Caleb’s eyes desperately search mine in reassurance.

“I’m not delusional,” I say softly. “I know going public is going to suck. I might lose my job. If I do, I’ll survive it.

Some people will say shitty things on social media.

They’ll accuse me of using you to get ahead.

Or that I only got into covering motorsports to snag a driver.

I know there might even be death threats. ”

He flinches underneath my touch at that last sentence, but I continue, softening my tone.

“Your mum’s situation was different. She was already vulnerable because of the affair.

I’m sure she was emotionally raw. Humiliated at what happened.

And as a mother, she had to be horrified by how it impacted you and Catherine.

There was turmoil within Collings Motors, a driver was involved, watching your driving suffer, your dad releasing the texts …

it was explosive. But this is nothing like that.

You’re remembering it from being in that storm, as a teen. This will not be the same.”

“It’s still going to be big gossip,” Caleb says. “When I think of what could be said about you, I could just about lose my mind.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m pretty tough,” I say, giving him a soft smile. “And I’m a special features reporter and the host of a goofy interview show. I’m not providing objective analysis of a race. That changes the picture a bit.”

“Isla, don’t underestimate this,” he warns.

“This is different. People are not just going to go after your work, but after everything about you. From how you dress to the freckles on your face to questioning your morals. And they will say it in the worst way possible. They’ll print false stories about you.

About me. And be prepared to read how I’m cheating on you because that’s a favorite one for drivers with girlfriends.

There will be videos across every channel you can think of with people providing commentary on us, and most of it will be false and ugly.

There could be AI-generated images of me or you or us that have no basis in reality, too. ”

I swallow hard. I know he’s right. I would be a liar if I were to say those thoughts weren’t disturbing. And making me feel a bit sick right now.

But I’ll be damned if I live a life being afraid of what people are going to say about me.

“I’m not underestimating it,” I say quietly. “I’ve already experienced some of that from being on TV. Don’t forget that.”

“That’s not the same and you know it,” Caleb says, moving his hands up and down my arms. “This spotlight is not like anything you’ve experienced. This is a global one.”

My stomach churns. That is one huge difference with him being a Formula 1 star. I can get hate from all over the world because of what a worldwide celebrity he is.

Yay me.

But if that’s what I have to do to be with this man? I don’t care.

“I know. We did the right thing by staying under the radar while we got to know each other. But it’s time to take that next step.”

“And you’re sure about this?”

I have to bite back from blurting out that I’ve been sure about him from the first time we had coffee together in Italy. “I’m so sure. What about you? Are we in agreement on this?”

He exhales. “I know you’re right. And you were right with the other things you said. I was thinking of all the trauma my mum went through. Maybe it’s time to open that box with my therapist.”

I move my hands to his chest, flattening one of my palms over his heart so I can feel its beat.

He puts one of his large hands over mine, holding it in place.

“I think you should bring it up with Jason,” I say, referring to his sports psychologist. “He can help you through this and reconciling the past with the present.”

Caleb nods. I’m grateful he’s going to address it.

“I love that you want to protect me so much,” I tell him. “But that was your mum’s experience. It won’t be mine.”

He nods again. “I’m going to trust you on that.”

“We both have to face some things that make us uncomfortable,” I say. “I have to confront the fact that I’ve kept a pretty big secret from my dream employer. For a rules girl, that’s a pretty big rule to break.”

“You had a good reason to break that rule. Not everything is black and white.”

I think about that. Caleb is right. Some rules are meant to be broken, and this was one of them.

It gave me time to do more reporting for The Downforce Network, to show them what I’m capable of.

So if they have ideas of cutting me, they might have second thoughts based on what I’ve been able to give them.

“You’re right,” I say. “The secret was kept for the right reasons. I think you have the bigger thing to face, and I wish I could take it away from you. I feel sick when I think of you having to deal with the media digging into your personal life.”

“Let them dig. I don’t care.”

We smile at one another. Maybe this is another reason we’re together. We’re growing and changing and already becoming better people because of each other. We’re both going to do some hard things, but I know I can face them.

And Caleb thinks so, too.

“Here’s what I think we should do,” I say. “Let’s tell The Downforce Network. We’ll be seen together, but we won’t officially confirm a relationship. I won’t hold your hand in public, but if I want to stand in the back of the garage and support you, I will.”

“No, you were right. We should hard launch,” Caleb says, determination flickering in his eyes. “I’m not the same sixteen-year-old kid who lived through that the first time. That situation was different. It was a messy affair with a driver. We aren’t nearly as interesting as that.”

“I love that you want to do that, but this decision has to be good for both of us. I was short-sighted of that before, and I can’t apologize enough for that. I’m so sorry, Caleb. Please forgive me.”

“Hey,” he says, lifting his other hand and putting a finger underneath my chin to tilt it up. “I’m the one who is sorry for not hearing you at first.”

“So in our next argument, we’ll do better,” I say, smiling at him.

“Yeah, we will,” he says, his mouth curving up in amusement.

I grow serious again. “But I really think we should soft launch. No PDA, no confirmation of a relationship, but we’ll be seen together. I’ll watch the race from your garage, but I won’t rush up and congratulate you after the race. There’s no need to give the world anything else right now.”

Caleb nods. “Okay, I can agree to that.”

“I think you’ve also learned that not everyone in the press is going to exploit and manipulate you. Will they always say things you like? No. Will they dissect your performance on the track in a way that might piss you off? Yes. But most of them are just doing their jobs.”

He scowls. “No. You’re the only reporter I’ve ever liked. Full stop.”

I giggle at that, and he clears his throat. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted. All I wanted was to protect you for as long as I could. I know you could lose your job because of me. Suffer all kinds of online abuse simply because you chose me. I … I could lose you. And I can’t bear that.”

“No matter what happens, I’m staying with you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

He drops another kiss on my lips.

“I want to talk through the details of how and when this is going to happen,” Caleb says, dragging his thumb up and down the back of my hand. “But there’s one thing that’s bothering me, and I need to take care of it first.”

I furrow my brow. “What?”

“I want to know everything your dad said about me,” he says, his gaze growing intense.

I begin to feel sick all over again. “Okay,” I nod.

“I mean it, Isla. I want to know all his thoughts about me. Don’t sugarcoat it or omit anything. I have to have all the facts before I take the next step.”

“What? What do you mean?” I ask, panic creeping into my body.

“I need to know exactly what was said because I’m calling him. Tonight.”