Page 37 of Lights Out (Love in the Paddock #1)

I can’t believe it’s time to say goodbye.

I turn around from the kiosk, where I’ve just checked two big suitcases filled with as much as I could pack with the weight limit for London. I have an overnight flight to Heathrow, and my bags are officially checked now.

I meet the gazes of Mom, Dad, and Hadleigh, who have all come to the airport to say goodbye.

“I can’t believe I won’t see you again until August,” Mom says, choking up.

My throat feels a bit thick. Even when I was at Georgia, I came home once a month for a visit, or my parents went to Georgia to see me.

But the first break in the F1 schedule doesn’t come until August, after the Hungarian Grand Prix on the third.

Racing won’t resume until the last week of August in The Netherlands.

I am going to spend this part of the summer in London and traveling the globe for Formula 1.

I hug her tightly. “I will be home before you know it.”

Mom embraces me, then steps back and puts her hands on my face. “I know I promised not to give you any more advice on you know who, but please, please, please be careful with your heart.”

“No more advice on that,” I say firmly. “I’m doing all the right things for me. Even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

And I am. Whenever I’ve talked to Caleb this week, I’ve been reassured over and over that I’m making the right decision in seeing where this thing goes with him.

He’s already flown from Barcelona to London, so we can see each other this week before racing resumes next week in Montreal.

I just assumed he would be in Monaco while I was settling into my apartment in London—but he said he had testing to do in Surrey at the Collings Motors headquarters and Silverstone.

Instead of going back home to Monaco afterward, he’ll stay in the UK.

For me.

Mom nods, but the concern is still in her eyes.

I move to Dad, who wraps me up in his famous bear hug.

“Isla, I’m so proud of you,” he says, his voice a little gruff.

“You are the bravest person I know. It takes guts to move across the world for a new job. And more guts to make some of the other decisions you’ve made. ”

I swallow. It’s the Caleb factor that he’s referring to. Which apparently is the thread running through my life, be it work or with my family or fans.

“You raised me to be brave,” I tell him.

He swallows hard as he gazes down at me. “Love you. Listen to your mom’s words of wisdom, okay?”

“They’re noted. But I promise you, they aren’t needed.”

And they aren’t. Caleb placed fourth in Barcelona—the car didn’t have pace in qualifying, and he made some mistakes on the track that resulted in him not getting a podium finish—but the first thing he did after the race was text me to see how I was feeling about my upcoming move to London.

If I was ready. How my emotions were. Encouraging me that I’m going to build a career in F1 and this move is the right thing to do in case I had any doubts.

Caleb reassured me that whatever he can do to help me feel at home in London, he’ll do it.

That’s the kind of person I’m seeing. Someone who puts me first. Believes in me and encourages me.

Caleb is a good man.

Even if my dad doesn’t look too convinced that I’ve made the right choice by risking everything to be with him.

“I’ll walk you to the security line,” Hadleigh offers, breaking the silence that has fallen between me and my parents.

“Thank you.” I wouldn’t mind some time to talk to her alone before I have to go into the passengers-only area.

But as soon as I look back at my parents, knowing it’s going to be the longest I’ve ever been apart from them—and divided by an ocean, too—I blink back tears.

I say goodbye, my throat tight, and give them a little wave as I pull my carry-on bag behind me.

Hadleigh falls in step next to me, and we begin walking down to the security checkpoint.

“I’ll look after Mitch and Autumn for you,” she offers.

I smile. Hadleigh loves my parents. Her own parents fought the entire time she grew up and used her as a weapon against each other.

Even when I was away at college, she would drop by all the time for coffee on a weekend morning or to eat dinner with my parents.

She’s like another daughter to them, and the sister I never had.

Yet despite her upbringing, she remains optimistic when it comes to love. She’s like Caleb in that way. He’s risking a lot by trusting me, based on his experiences growing up, and that doesn’t go unnoticed by me.

“Thank you,” I say. “I love that you’re always in Miami and a constant in their lives. And please reassure them I’m doing the right thing with Maxwell.”

She’s silent. I look over at her, her blondish-brown hair swept back into a ponytail, her skin looking radiant with just a dab of tinted moisturizer. But she’s staring straight ahead, biting her lower lip, as if something is troubling her.

Does she have doubts about Caleb, too?

I stop walking and put my hand on her arm to bring her to a stop. “What’s wrong?”

Hadleigh swallows. “I don’t want to tell you. I’m ashamed of myself for even having these thoughts.”

“Hadleigh, what are you talking about?” I ask, concerned. I immediately move over to a wall, and she follows me. She leans against it, and I watch as she folds her arms across her chest. She taps a foot against the tiled floor, her flip-flop bouncing up and down against it.

“Talk to me,” I say, anxiety growing within me. Is Hadleigh having second thoughts about my relationship with Caleb? Is that what she’s afraid to tell me?

My stomach sinks at the thought of losing her support.

“I’m a complete asshole for springing this on you as you’re about to board a flight. No. I won’t do it. Forget it.”

“I will NOT forget it,” I say firmly. “Now what is going on with you? I have time—plenty of time—and if you need me, I’ll rebook this flight for tomorrow or the next day or the day after that.”

To my surprise, tears fill her brown eyes. My alarm heightens.

“You’re making it worse,” she says, her voice wobbly.

I instinctively know to remain silent. It comes from being a reporter. I can tell when someone simply needs silence and space to tell their story. Hadleigh doesn’t need any prompts. It’s right there, ready to come out.

“I am a horrible friend. Because I shouldn’t have the feelings I have toward you,” she admits.

I’m stunned. What is she talking about?

“Isla, I’m so jealous of you right now. So jealous, and it makes me sick.”

Jealous?

This time, I’m so surprised, I don’t have the words to speak.

“I majored in what I was good at,” Hadleigh says. “Numbers. Math. I did something that would give me a good job, and I have that. I make great money for how young I am, too. But I hate my life so much, I could scream.”

The wind is knocked from me. If the wall weren’t behind me, I’d be stumbling backward. “What?” I manage to ask. “Hadleigh, what are you talking about?”

“My job is boring . I feel trapped in it. I’m in the same city I grew up in.

I didn’t even leave for college. Not that I don’t love Miami, but seeing your life change this week made me realize how you have this incredible new world opening up to you, and I’ll go back to analyzing numbers day after day in my cubicle for the rest of my freaking life, coming back to the same apartment, trying to meet someone decent to date, but not finding what I want, and it all kind of snowballed into being jealous of you, and I’m disgusted that I feel this way! ”

Her words tumble out in a rush, and then she begins to cry. I know those emotions. Hot, angry frustrated tears slip from her eyes, and I move so I’m standing in front of her.

Then I do what Dad would do in this situation. I wrap her in a huge bear hug. We don’t say anything. I let my hug speak the words. With my embrace, I tell her she’s safe. I’m not mad.

And that I love her.

I release her and put my hands on her arms. She looks at me with a mixture of shame and sadness.

“I might be jealous, but I’m also so damn proud of you,” she says, her voice wobbling.

“You’re amazing, Isla. You do whatever you set your mind out to do.

You do things that involve risk. Like putting yourself out there on social media.

I could never do what you did! But look at you now, with like four hundred thousand followers on TikTok.

Four hundred thousand . And you’re brave enough to go to a new country to live—hardly knowing anyone over there—and now you have Maxwell, and he sounds as lovely as he looks.

You deserve all of this. I just … I just feel envious.

I want to take risks, too, but I don’t know how.

You have this insane new life ahead of you, and I’ll still be here, crunching numbers, wishing I could have just a sliver of what you have. ”

I take in all her words and fears. Then I look her square in the eyes. “Use your envy to take risks,” I say simply.

She blinks. “How?”

“Let it motivate you. Be open to doing something completely different.”

Hadleigh shakes her head. “I only have talent with numbers.”

“That’s because you’ve only tried numbers.”

“Well, it’s not like I can go out and earn another degree to do something else.”

“You could. If you wanted to. It might take longer, you might have to do it around a job, but you could absolutely do it. Or save your money and start taking fabulous trips. You know you could come visit me in London or come to any race I’m working.

You can share a hotel room with me. And I could hook you up with tickets. ”

“Can you hook me up with the bad boy of driving?” she asks, a smile finally returning to her face at the thought of Xavier. “And I do mean hook up .”

“I don’t know. Join me for a race weekend and we’ll find out.” We both chuckle.