Page 48 of Lights Out (Love in the Paddock #1)

I step off the elevator on the penthouse level of Caleb’s hotel. I turn the corner, ready to use my key card so I can quickly slip into his room, but I find Caleb is already leaning against the door frame, waiting for me.

My heart dances happily as I drink him in. Tonight he’s wearing a simple navy T-shirt and jeans, his familiar stack of bracelets on his right wrist, and a large platinum watch on his left. I swear, he’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.

As soon as he sees me, a smile quickly appears on his gorgeous face. “Come here, Owl,” he calls out, the smile growing even brighter.

Owl. I love my new nickname.

I find myself hurrying toward him, as if I haven’t seen him in weeks rather than days.

He steps into the hallway—it’s safe because he’s the only room on this floor—and I run and jump up into his open arms, like a clip from that stupid Is it Love?

reality dating show. I wrap my legs around his waist, link my arms around his neck, and Caleb chuckles as he holds me in his strong arms. He gives me a playful peck on the lips, which makes me giggle against his mouth, and he laughs, too.

“Hi, Roo,” I tell him.

“Roo?” he asks as he puts me down.

I step into the penthouse suite, and he follows behind me. I turn around as the door clicks shut. I put my hands on him again, this time sinking them into his thick black hair. “Yes. Roo for kangaroo.”

A crease appears on the bridge of his nose. “Roo. Hmm.”

“Trust me. You’ll like it when I say it,” I promise.

“Oh?”

“Yes,” I say, drawing his mouth to mine. “As in, come here, Roo.”

Then I kiss him. I taste mint on his tongue and inhale the faint scent of grapefruit lingering on his hair. His skin is warm against mine, his hands now slowly sliding up and down my rib cage.

“I think I can live with it,” he murmurs against my mouth before kissing me again.

Finally, we break apart. Caleb lifts one hand to my face, gently brushing his knuckles against my cheekbone. “We should order dinner,” he says.

I nod.

He reaches for my hand, and then I catch his gaze lingering on my bracelets. “I’m glad you like the new one,” he says.

“I love it. It was a wonderful welcome to Montreal for me. Thank you.”

“You,” he says, dropping another kiss on my lips, “are welcome.”

Caleb leads me over to the plush taupe sofa in the living room. I take a seat, and he retrieves his phone off the coffee table before taking a seat next to me. “The room service menu is on the app,” he explains.

I bite my lip. I think I need to have this conversation about The Downforce Network with him now. Before dinner. Otherwise it’s going to hang over me this entire evening, and I don’t want that.

“Before we order, I need to talk to you about something,” I say, determined.

Caleb immediately puts his phone down. “What’s wrong?”

I put my hand on his thigh. “No, no, don’t look panicked. Nothing is wrong.”

“Okay,” he says, but he still sounds unsure.

I can’t help but smile at that. “That was not convincing.”

“You’re not about to dump me, are you?”

“Of course not!”

A look of relief fills his face, and it makes me laugh. “Roo, don’t be stupid. I just gave you a nickname. I wouldn’t do that if I were about to break up with you!”

A sheepish, boyish smile appears, and my heart melts a little bit.

“Fair point.” His expression shifts back to serious. “But what do we need to talk about?” Caleb reaches over and tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear, then he begins to stroke it in a calming way, as if he somehow knows I’m anxious and tense about what I have to say.

I pause for a moment, gathering my thoughts.

“I know we’ve agreed to keep our relationship a secret while we are getting to know each other.

We’ve done that for a month now. And to be clear, I’ve had no problem spending all of our time at your house or a hotel room. I don’t regret us staying underground.”

Caleb drops his hand from my face. His whole body tenses beside mine. “What are you saying, Isla?”

“I know how I feel about you. I know I’m going to continue to see you. I don’t have any fears about that changing. So I want to tell The Downforce Network about us. And I want to go public.”

The last sentence just came out of my mouth.

I had only planned on discussing The Downforce Network, but as I’m sitting here, thinking about what we are doing, I don’t want to hide.

I want to go out to dinner. Take a walk.

I don’t want to be checking around corners and darting around lobbies with my heart pounding in my chest, hoping I’m not noticed.

I want to be with Caleb. Whenever and wherever I can.

I study his face. He’s gone white.

“We talked about this,” Caleb says. “We agreed to keep it quiet.”

“Yes, we did, when we were figuring out what we were going to be. I’m not saying it can’t be quiet—I don’t plan to go on my Connectivity account and throw up a video of us, if that’s what you mean.

But I feel like I’m sitting on a lit stick of dynamite that will blow up in my face at work if I don’t get ahead of it. ”

“No. Absolutely not,” he says firmly.

“No?” I ask, surprised and a little irritated. “No discussion? You just decide no and that’s it?”

“Isla. You promised me you were okay with this. This is what we both agreed to do.”

“Yes, but I also didn’t think it was going to be for months on end,” I challenge.

“My career will be on the line regardless of when I tell them I’m seeing you.

Don’t you think the longer I wait, the worse it’s going to be for me?

Or what if someone spots us and posts a pic of us?

What would that do to my credibility with them?

It would be shit, that’s what it would be. ”

Caleb is silent. I can tell he knows I’m right. But then I see something fierce flash in his eyes. I suck in a breath. I’ve seen that look before. It’s when he’s sitting in his car, lined up on the grid, and he flips his visor down before they do the formation lap.

He’s prepared to fight me, just like he prepares to fight on the track.

“There’s more on the line than your job,” Caleb says, pacing across the living room.

I stand up. “Well, right now my job is the pressing thing that’s on the line,” I say, anger creeping into my voice. “My dad even tried to dissuade me from seeing you because of that fact. He said I was going to throw my career away for a chance with you!”

Shit, shit, shit! I did not mean for that to come out right now!

Caleb jerks his head up. “What did you just say?”

I exhale before speaking. There’s no going back now, and I need to come clean about that conversation with my dad.

“Before I left for London, he warned me that I was risking my career for you, but I told him I knew what I was doing. And I still do. I’m going to be with you, but I have to inform the network. ”

“No,” Caleb says angrily. “You promised me you wouldn’t do this.” He puts his hands on his head, tugging at his hair as if he wants to rip it out in frustration. “You promised me. You promised me you were okay with this.”

“I didn’t promise to stay secret forever. Is that what you want?”

Caleb snorts, and my anger flares from the sarcastic sound.

“Okay. So how long did you have in mind? For months and months? Do you still want me slipping into your hotel room after the summer break? Hiding behind potted palms in lobbies, praying the coast will be clear before I can sneak onto an elevator? Fighting nerves and anxiety that I’m going to be spotted?

When is the right time? At the Las Vegas Grand Prix in November? Or next season?”

“Now you’re being stupid,” he snaps.

And now he’s pissing me off. “What date on the calendar did you decide would be our soft launch, then?” I retort.

His jaw sets, as if he’s clenching it to keep from saying something he’d regret.

“Is that how our relationship is going to work?” I press. “You’re going to make decisions for me? Because you should know me well enough by now to know I’m NOT okay with that.”

“Of course not,” he answers, his voice laced with irritation.

“I came here tonight to discuss this with you. To explain why we need to move forward for the sake of my career. But you aren’t even hearing me, Caleb.”

“I hear you!” he suddenly shouts, and it’s so forceful, I nearly take a step back.

It’s so unlike the man I know. “I am trying to protect you, why can’t you see that?

It’s not just your job at stake. It’s you!

It’s your mental health I’m bloody worried about!

What is about to hit you could destroy you.

I’ve seen it. It’s the media and social media and fans, and I will not stand by and let them rip you apart! ”

I stare at him, stunned. I’ve seen it, he said.

Then it hits me. This is about his mum.

“Do you think I like hiding you from the world? Do you?” Caleb asks desperately, moving in front of me and clasping my upper arms. “I want to take you everywhere. I want you to walk into the paddock with me. I want to see you in the garage. I want to kiss you at the end of a race. Damn it, I just want to take you out for a proper coffee in Monaco. I want everyone to know you’re mine.

But I can’t. I … don’t want you to be hurt.

Because if I brought that to your life, if I caused that hell to be unleashed on you, if you had a breakdown like my mum did, I would never, ever forgive myself. ”

Oh my God. His mother had an emotional breakdown after the affair came to light in the public eye.

I stare up into his face. The anger is gone, but it’s replaced by something else.

Fear.

Caleb is the most fearless person I have ever known. He risks his life every time he slips into the cockpit of that car, whether it’s practice or the actual race. I’ve seen footage of him crashing. Escaping a car that has caught on fire.

And he just walks away as if it’s nothing.

But the idea of me being abused by the media and online trolls? He’s terrified of it.