Page 61 of Let the Game Begin

And then there was a moment, just one moment, that I imagined must have been much like the explosion that constituted the Big Bang—an explosion that birthed the entire universe. In that one moment, I felt like I was experiencing the very same enormous detonation, except it was entirely contained within my body.

Body temperature spiked, anger expanded, reason disappeared.

My demons seemed to me like galaxies, revolving around me in space. I could see them and hear them, and I followed where they led.

A powerful force coursed through my veins. I could no longer identify any specific voice or face. All I felt was the electric jolt I got as each punch landed.

Everything happened so fast, and I found myself straddling Carter’s limp form. His face grew more disfigured with each blow. The smell of blood surrounded me, my knuckles were covered in painful nicks and gashes and my heart pounded wildly.

And then, I came back to myself. I remembered: thisthinghad tried to rape my sister, and when Chloe resisted, he’d beaten her.

“Oh my God… You’re going to kill him!” a familiar voice cried out among the chorus of terrified screaming, but I didn’t care.

I took Carter’s head in both hands and bashed it into the floor as hard as I could. I screamed in rage at what he had done, and then I screamed again at what I was now doing in response.

“Enough! Enough!”

Someone wrapped their arms around my chest and pulled me away from Carter’s brutalized body. Both my vision and my thinking were clouded. I couldn’t breathe and sweat was pouring off me.

“Neil, calm down! Calm down, please!”

I continued to flail blindly against whoever was trying to restrain me. There was nothing surrounding me anymore. Only blackness, shapes without animation, indistinct faces, emptiness. I elbowed someone, possibly a girl, it was impossible to tell.

I was swallowed up by rage, a destructive force that I couldn’t fight.

I blinked several times until a slim figure began to materialize in front of me, its edges still blurry and deformed.

“It’s okay, Neil. I’m here with you.”

My breathing showed no signs of leveling out; drops of saltwater beaded up on my forehead. I couldn’t remember where I was or who I was with. I was confused and lost—the way I always was after one of my uncontrolled outbursts of anger.

Little by little, though, the faces around me grew more precise features and appropriate colors. I could recognize my brother. Logan was there.

“Neil.” He held my face in his hands, clearly scared to death. I felt guilty as I shut my eyes and breathed out slowly. My heart was still galloping and my veins were flooded with a sick fury. I had to calm down; I had to do it for Logan.

How many times had he been by my side in a moment like this?

How many times had he seen me in this state?

How many times had I made him afraid?

And yet, he was always there for me. Always.

That was what love meant to me.

“Logan…” I whispered disoriented, and he smiled in relief. I turned myhead slightly until I could see who was holding me. I recognized Xavier. I wriggled free, and he let me go. I was tired, drained of all physical strength and energy. It was only then that I was able to look around and realize that we were by ourselves in a dark and gloomy corner of the room.

How did we get here?

They’d probably pulled me away from Carter, or else I would have finished what I’d started.

Oh yeah, Carter.

I didn’t even know if the guy had survived my fury. I wanted to make him pay for what he’d done to Chloe, but maybe I had gone a little overboard. I searched myself for any repentant feelings, but I couldn’t find one. I wasn’t sorry about what I did, only disappointed in my inability to control myself. I might have killed someone, and I wouldn’t even have been able to remember it.

“You were out of your mind…” Logan’s shoulders slumped, as though admitting this truth was an enormous burden for him. “We need to get out of here. Someone called the police. The ambulance already took Carter. He was on the ground, unconscious.” He spoke rapidly, and I was still too dazed to process any of it.

Logan tried to grab my arm, but I flinched away from his touch. I hated being touched without my consent, and I was about to remind him of that when someone else burst in, drawing my attention.