Page 169 of Let the Game Begin

And it burned. It burned so much.

“What’s wrong? Cat got her tongue?” Alexia asked, but I didn’t so much as glance at her. After all, the blue unicorn meant nothing to me. Instead, I stepped back and took a deep breath. I felt something pressing down on my chest, something so heavy that it made it impossible to breathe properly.

Meanwhile, Neil just looked at me, motionless and inscrutable. He reminded me of a wild animal behind a wall of glass. An animal who filled his life with empty sensations, shared with equally empty women.

“The trouble with a mask is it never changes,” I murmured after a long silence that had drawn everyone’s eyes to us. “Bukowski said that,” I added challengingly, staring him down.

His forehead creased as he absorbed the blow. “‘A pro does as well as he can within what he has set out to do, and a madman does exceptionally well at what he can’t help doing.’ He also said that.” He glanced at my eyes and then at my lips. I stared up at him, still enthralled but so disappointed.

“What the fuck are they talking about?” Xavier grumbled, breaking the hush that had fallen all around us. Neil broke eye contact and took a seat on one of the stools in the little kitchen. He crooked his index finger at the nameless blond, and she obediently approached him.

“He’s not satisfied yet, baby doll. He won’t be until he breaks you in half,” Xavier jeered crudely with Jennifer still perched on his knee.

“Selene, I really think you should go” said Luke who had since returned to the kitchen. But I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Neil, who had begun to unwind the sheet from around the girl, revealing her delicate yet proportionate curves. He skimmed the edges of her with both hands and I noticed a red palm print on one buttock as well as scratches along her flanks.

Signs of passion.

Neil started rubbing her breasts then, baring them only to his golden, emotionless eyes. Her back arched as he cupped them in his large hands. Then, he bent to put his lips against her nipples and swirled his tongue around them, staring lewdly into her eyes.

He was trying to hypnotize her, to put her in his thrall the way he did with all the rest of them. A knife between the ribs would have hurt less.

I staggered back in shock, but he continued to lavish attention on her with his mouth and hands, weaving his fingers through her long hair and encouraging her to get on her knees.

The girl obeyed this wordless command. Holding her tightly by the hair, Neil pulled down the elastic of his boxers and freed his stiff, imposing erection.

That shameless move was too much for me. I immediately shifted my gaze down to the toes of my sneakers. I avoided looking at them, though I could still hear.

Everything.

I heard the guttural noises the girl made. I heard her gag when Neil had presumably thrust too hard. I heard a feminine complaint, perhaps because his member was too thick and she couldn’t accommodate it all. Then I heard sensual moaning as the girl undoubtedly found her rhythm and began to enjoy herself.

I couldn’t say for sure; I didn’t have enough information. I just extrapolated as I continued to look away. I didn’t want this profane scene lingering in my head forever.

“You aren’t gonna watch, baby doll? You’re fine to fuck him, but now you’re gonna be shy?” Xavier asked, and only the two bitches sitting next to him laughed at his sarcastic questions. I glanced up at Luke who was just sipping his beer like whatever was happening in the kitchen was perfectly normal.

Finally, I looked at Neil. Not a single gasp or moan came from his lips. He never lost control, not even after he orgasmed into the girl’s mouth, slackening his hold on her hair.

“Clean it off,” Neil said in a flat tone of voice that sounded bizarre on a man who just came, and she obeyed. My eyes roved over his tense body, and I watched him adjust his boxers before staring into his eyes.

I screwed up all my contempt and all my courage to spit at him, “You’re depraved.” I shook my head in disgust. “You all are.” I looked at the blond girl who was now standing and facing me. Her tongue flicked out rapidly tocatch a pearlescent drop from the corner of her mouth. Her naked breasts, heavy with arousal, were clearly visible, as were her hairless mons and flat stomach. She had a belly-button ring shaped like a rose.

Neil remained seated on the stool and folded his arms over his chest, looking more like he’d just finished sipping a coffee than getting head from a girl he didn’t know in front of five other people.

I watched as Luke set his can of beer down on the kitchen island right next to the asshole and continued watching as Luke approached me again.

I didn’t think before I did it.

I let myself be guided by pure instinct, because nothing I could have said would have fully expressed all that I was feeling. I felt like I had countless knives sticking in me: my chest, my stomach, my back, and explaining it in words felt impossible.

I grabbed Luke by the collar of his leather jacket and got up on tiptoes so I could reach his lips.

Then I closed my eyes and kissed him. Maybe I’d regret it or maybe I’d have to soothe my conscience with some lame excuse, but all that was something I would think about later.

After a moment of surprise, Luke parted his lips and returned the dumb, insolent gesture. His hands moved down to my hips and clasped me close to him. I could feel the bulge in his jeans poking me in the abdomen.

My fingers clung tighter to his collar, and I tasted beer on his tongue. I felt his hand slide down my hip and over my ass. When Luke squeezed me there, I shut my eyes and willed myself to remain immobile. Truthfully, I wanted to cry because the lips I really wanted belonged to someone else.Ibelonged to someone else.

Was it really so wrong to feel something pure and want to be near the person who brought out those overwhelming emotions? Was it so wrong to not know much about sex? To believe in love and in the possibility that anything might be overcome? Perhaps even overcome together?