Page 42 of Let the Game Begin

“You okay?” His low, raspy voice gave me goosebumps. It was hot as hell, like the way an enigmatic, trickster devil might sound.

“Yes, thank you,” I answered cooly, as though I were talking to a stranger rather than a guy I had just slept with, but that was how I always behaved when I felt uncomfortable. Did other people feel the same way after sharing this kind of moment with another person?

“You’ll have to change your sheets,” he informed me seriously. With no sign of any embarrassment, he gestured to his cum. I looked down at my pubic area, dappled with thick drops of it. I slowly ran a finger over the substance and then rubbed it between my thumb and index finger to examine its consistency.

All of this was novel to me.

Neil sat up partially and ran a hand through his hair while I lay motionless, filthy with him. I found myself staring at the Maori-style tattoo that extended from his bicep to his shoulder. The black ink was intense, free from smudges, and all of the lines were precise and perfectly spaced, like theartist had used a ruler to draw them. I knew that tattoos like that sometimes symbolized a warrior identity or a fighting spirit, but I didn’t know why he’d chosen that one in particular. I squinted, trying to find the pattern that hid among the intersecting lines.

“It’s a toki,” he murmured, looking at his arm. “I chose it because it symbolizes strength, authority, courage, and determination,” he explained, like he’d read my mind. I scanned the rest of Neil’s body to see if he had any other tattoos, and he stuck out his left hip, showing me his penis again in the process.

I cleared my throat and focused on the smaller tattoo that I had barely noticed before.

“This one’s a pikorua,” he explained. I craned my neck to see better and allowed myself to trace the lines of it with my index finger. Neil startled at this light contact. My fingers were cold, and his skin was boiling, so I offered him an apologetic look.

“A pikorua…” I repeated thoughtfully. I could feel him breathing from such a short distance away. We were lying next to each other like we’d known each other our whole lives. It was a strange intimacy, nearly as intense as the act we’d just shared.

“That’s right. It represents the strength of interpersonal bonds, the spiritual joining of people or communities for all time. I got it for my siblings.”

I smiled at him and continued my journey across his body. I got to my knees beside him, heedless of the way I’d exposed my breasts for his viewing pleasure, and I used my fingers to draw a line from his hips to his abdomen and then on to his pectoral muscles. I could feel his eyes on me, scrutinizing every motion. Maybe he didn’t entirely trust me, or maybe he was just surprised by my curious exploration. His breathing, however, remained perfectly controlled. I was almost miffed that I hadn’t generated any excitement.

Then, I noticed the circular scars, like small burns on his left forearm. But before I could even touch them, Neil grabbed my wrist. I sucked in a breath at the strength of his grasp.

“Those are none of your concern,” he scolded me, serious and succinct. I looked him in the eyes and he released me, standing up immediately from the bed.

I would have loved to know more. But despite the fact that we’d gone to bed together, there still wasn’t enough trust between us for me to ask about him or his past.

Neil turned away from me and started getting dressed in just his boxers and pants.

“You should open the window; it smells like sex in here,” he warned before bending down to grab the black tank top that he was apparently deciding not to wear.

“What?” I felt confused and a little dizzy. Where was he going?

“You don’t want them to figure it out, do you?” he said derisively, a smug look on his face. “When people fuck, the irrefutable evidence—besides the sheets—is the smell in the air. But you wouldn’t know that. How is there still so much stuff you don’t know?” He glanced first at my face, and then at my naked body, which probably smelled like him.

I wasn’t sure exactly what he was talking about, but he was absolutely right about one thing: I didn’t know enough. Still, his superior tone made me feel worthless and small. So, out of reflex, I just nodded at him and instinctively tried to cover my breasts with one arm and my sex with the other hand.

But my sense of modesty, however unconscious and automatic, was useless now. I’d already let Neil take everything he could possibly want.

He bit his lip to keep from laughing at me before giving me a pitying smile. “Good night,” he said, walking toward my door.

That was all? He was just going to leave like we’d just finished up a chat over coffee? I crawled to the edge of the bed and called out to him, which made him turn back toward me.

“Where… Where are you going?” What a stupid question! I bit my tongue, but I was too late.

It was obvious: he was running away. From me.

We weren’t a couple struggling with the admissions he’d made; we were two people who’d had some fun for an hour or so and would now go back to being total strangers.

“I’m going back to my room,” he said positively. He rested his hand on the doorknob and looked back at me. He paused to consider somethingfor a few moments and then sighed, perhaps irritated or possibly a little guilty.

“I told you, Selene. No fairy tales or love stories.” He pushed open the door and then, with one last, brief glance, he left and closed the door behind him. I felt a sudden emptiness in my chest and a strange sinking feeling in my stomach.

There was no reason I should have felt so bad. I knew, deep down, that all Neil wanted was to give me a first time that I could actually remember. Intellectually, I had accepted this arrangement between the two of us. Emotionally, however, it was much harder to face. We were nothing. Or maybe we were something that was impossible to identify.

I ran a hand over my face and felt my lips. They were puffy and sore from the kisses we shared. The taste of him had mingled with mine so completely that I still felt him on my tongue. I would need to take a shower and brush my teeth to truly rid myself of him.

But nothing was going to help me forget.