Page 5

5

SARAH

“ H i, Mom.” I greet her when I push through the front door of my house after a long workday. The last thing I wanted after onboarding a new client was a call from home. I’ve always thought of my mom as my best friend and with me being an only child she got her dream of a built-in mini-me. I received solid advice from her, that was more like what I assumed an older sister would give, while she still managed to be stern in her parenting. Yet, my mom eventually always found a way to blur the line between parent and friend. And my dad, while he was more firm than my mom, he let her take the reins when it came to me. I love my parents and how they’ve provided for me. But I never had the type of relationship with them the way Kamryn has with her parents.

My relationship with my parents was great in college. They gave me the freedom to choose my own path as long as it more or less fit the plan they had for me. I’ll admit, I held some resentment towards them because I always loved fashion and wanted that to be my dream. But again, that wasn’t in their plan for me, so I pivoted to appease them. Being a Callahan meant I had to live up to the family name. So that meant veering towards a business degree that most of the women in my family have but no longer use. I must have drank the kool-aid at school as that was never my plan. I never wanted that to be my plan in the first place. My family is old money and that meant I had a lot of things handed to me. Money being one of them. And going against that path was the first splinter in my relationship with my parents. But that splinter turned into a full fracture after Paul and I broke up.

My parents loved him. They loved us together. They loved what we could have been together. He was the son they never had. So they could never grasp how I could lose him. Never mind the fact that it was him who stepped out on me. Never mind the fact that when they saw him around town with his new girl they never said a word to me. My mom suggested I turn a blind eye to his infidelity and that was the final straw. Our relationship is icy at best. But it turned into a full blown blizzard. I think that betrayal hurts the most and why I began pulling away from them. It’s been over a year since I’ve had real conversation with my parents, that wasn’t surface level, and I wonder if they’re finally noticing.

“Hi, sweetheart. I haven’t heard from you in a while–” by my own doing “–so I wanted to check in on you. Are you getting enough sleep?”

Leave it to my mom to ask about my sleeping pattern and not make amends. “I get as much sleep as one can hope for.” I tell her as I toss my keys on the console table and slip my heels off as fast as possible.

“Good. That’s good. And how are the girls?”

“Your daughter, that’s me by the way, just got a new client. Thanks for asking. As for the girls? They’re busy. ”

As much as my parents love me, I don’t think they supported my dreams to not only become a publicist but also move away from the only home I’ve ever known. Yes, they pushed me in that direction. And they supported my dreams just like every parent should do when their child has a dream. But I think they placated me for longer than I knew and secretly wished I would marry someone who would take care of me financially and that’s not who I am. Which is why they constantly pushed the “You’re a Callahan” narrative so much. I think that’s part of the reason they loved me and Paul together. His last name and job more than provided enough for him financially and it was hard to ignore my moms jabs about us taking the next step in our relationship. Paul and I never talked about taking that next step as we both were focused on moving up the corporate ladder. Or, so I thought.

I hear the clinking of ice in a glass through the phone. And if I know my mom like I think I do, she’s either got a tall glass of iced sweet tea or a glass of whiskey she’s sipping on. “Your father and I saw Paul–”

“Mom. I’m gonna stop you right there,” I say as firmly as I can, without being too disrespectful while I head out onto my screened-in patio. “If you called to talk to me about the man who cheated on me and started a family with someone else, I will hang up on you.” The summer breeze rustles my hair as I take a seat on the couch. I’m finally at a place where talking about him doesn’t sting too badly. But the phantom ache does pulse from the reminder.

“You don’t speak to me that way Sarah Jane. I am your mother. Besides—,” she starts but I cut her off.

“Then act like it. As my mother, you should know when certain people who are not in my life are no longer up for discussion. I am your daughter, not your friend.” I let my words hang between us. This is the problem with a mom who got a daughter and a built-in bestie. She wants me to have what she has with my dad no matter the consequences. And because of that, the line between parent and child continuously blurred more times than I can count. “You know what, I have to go. I’m exhausted and this phone call isn’t helping. Bye, Mom.”

I don’t wait for her response. I simply end the call. I try not to let her reasoning for calling soak in. Did she really call to check in on me? Or was it to talk about my ex? Some days I feel I can’t win with being who she expects me to be. Does she want me to be successful? Or does she want me to be a housewife?

Do I wish I had a partner? Of course! It’s bittersweet and lonely watching all of your friends find their peace, their happily ever after, while you stand off on the sidelines just waiting for your turn. I hate that I’m lonely because I’ve refused to give someone else my heart. I hate that I know the feeling of loneliness more than the joy of happiness. And I hate that my mind goes to thoughts of Riley and how he made me feel in that one night when he’s now off-limits.

But I let myself picture the unthinkable. Him patiently tearing down the brick walls that I’ve carefully constructed around my heart and making room for himself inside the tight space. Him proving everyday that I’m not hard to love. Him not giving a damn about our working relationship. Him being the man from the club that night and taking what’s in front of him.

Yet reality is less exciting than fantasy as we do have a working relationship. And I won’t give that up for anyone. No matter how many butterflies take flight when he looks at me.

My phone buzzing knocks me out of that fantasy with a notification from a hookup app I’ve been utilizing. It’s not perfect. But when your past is finally fading in the rearview and the future is nowhere in sight, you have to focus on what you can.

And that’s the now.

Kamryn: Are you riding with us?

Me: Yes.

Kamryn: Then get your ass here.

Me: You’re mean.

Kamryn: You’re late.

I am running late. And as someone who writes out every event down to the minute, I despise when my time gets thrown off. Blame it on the walk of shame I did at four this morning. I didn’t sleep with the guy from the app. I tried to. He had some very sensual music playing in the background, the big lights weren’t on, and a mahogany teakwood candle was burning in the background. That should’ve been prime hookup time. But nothing. We were making out on his couch and I tried to will my libido into action. I moved his hands over the hot points on my body and nothing. I wanted to cry in sexual frustration. And after thirty minutes of over the clothes groping and grinding, my lips bruised from our kissing and beard rash on my neck, I made the excuse of no longer feeling well and high-tailed it out of his place. But when I got home, all it took was one remembrance of my time with Riley and I shot off like a rocket with the help of my trusty vibrator .

With a huff of annoyance, I throw sunscreen and an extra change of clothes into my tote bag. We’re finally meeting Emily’s new boyfriend who she’s still been tight-lipped about. I know she’s happy. I saw it that night when she was getting ready for her date. And that’s all I want for my little bird. She and I have gotten closer these past few years. It’s not the bond that I have with Kamryn. But it’s…simple. Where she’s soft-spoken, I’m as outspoken as can be.

I’ve never been great at cultivating friendships. Let alone friendships with women. The backstabbing, endless gossip, and silent competition never appealed to me. And for that I was a loner for most of my childhood. But that changed when I met Kamryn. Yes, I put on a front when we first met. But the longer we went on as roommates, the easier it was to let her in. The first year, she was my only true friend. And as the years went on she became my best friend. Same with Emily and Jax. I liked them instantly. Not because they were an extension of Kam. But because they were gentle with their approach to friendships. Now we cheer each other on and give each other shoulders to lean on when need be. They’re my people.

Heading downstairs and into my kitchen, I snatch my car keys off the counter and I lock up my house before skipping down the few steps to my BMW. As soon as I start up, my car connects to Bluetooth and I turn on Maren Morris's latest album on Spotify. I back out of my driveway and make the short drive to Kam’s little house. Pulling up, I park behind Jax’s car and make my way up to the door. I don’t bother with knocking and am surprised when heated arguing from the backyard greets me when I walk inside.

“Kam?” I ask as I walk down the hallway and pop my sunglasses on top of my head.

“In the kitchen,” Jax calls out .

Finishing the short distance from the foyer to the kitchen, I see Kam and Mason talking on her patio. Her arms are crossed which is a sign that she’s agitated and maybe hurt. Jax is at the kitchen bar tapping and scrolling on her phone with her brows furrowed and more than likely annoyed that they’re arguing.

“What’s going on with them?” I ask and lean on the counter next to her.

Jax sets her phone down and exhales heavily. “Kam has been going on and on about being in the dark with Emily.”

“Huh,” I muse and keep my focus on the squabbling two-some outside.

“Do you know something?”

I slide my gaze to Jax. “Do you know something?”

“Are you asking if I’ve seen a man in a truck with tattoos covering his body make his way to Emily’s apartment building the past few months? Then, no. I don’t know a thing.” Jax says with a smirk.

I snort at the same time Kamryn and Mason come back inside. Mason with a smile on his face and Kam with a scowl still on hers.

“Hi, lovebirds.” I greet and try to cut through the thick tension that followed them back in here.

Kam greets me with a kiss on the cheek and Mason with a high-five. Alrighty then.

“Are we ready?” Mason voices as he cuts through the tense silence.

“Yep.” I say, looping my arm through Jax’s and we head towards the door.

“Is this it?” I ask from the backseat when Mason slows down in front of a large two-story brick house that’s set about half of a football field away from the road.

“Yep. That’s Em’s car.” Jax points out.

I see Kam attempt to glance at Jax, but Mason turns the car into the driveway and luckily she doesn’t say anything. I’m hoping that whatever her spat was with Mason doesn’t bleed into the rest of the day as I’ve been anticipating meeting the man who stole Emily’s heart. When the car is in park, Jax and I swiftly grab our bags and head to the door arm-in-arm.

“Nervous about Kam?” Jax whispers.

I sneak a look behind me and see Kamryn walking towards the door with a scowl firmly back on her face. “Aren’t you?”

“Yes. Emily is happy and that’s all we want for her.”

I give Jax an agreeable look and then knock on the door. I hear a murmur behind me and am about to turn to see what’s happening when the door opens.

“Hi, friends!” Emily greets us. “Come in.” She motions us in as she steps aside and holds the door open wider.

We step inside and a whistle of impression leaves me as I survey just the foyer and what I can see through to the backyard oasis. The stairs that lead upstairs is off to the left with Emily’s bag dumped on the bottom step and a spacious home office with glass doors is on the right. The foyer, however, gives off the impression that people live here but not in a messy way. “Nice place,” I say.

“Thank you,” Emily’s boyfriend says.

Emily introduces us to her boyfriend, Adam, and points us all out to him.

“I’ve heard incredible things about you all from Em,” he tells us and I like him instantly. Honestly I trust Emily’s judgement when it comes to people.

“Well she’s been incredibly tight-lipped about you,” Kam snips.

Until now.

Jax freezes next to me and I hear Mason swear under his breath. Emily tries to make eye contact with me but all I can do is shake my head. In all the years I’ve been friends with Kamryn, she’s never disappointed me like she has now.

“Kam!” Jax snaps at her.

“Sorry.”

Oh goodness. It’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Don’t even get me started on how awkward this is now. Ground, swallow us whole to spare us from finding our way out of this.

Adam pipes up after the awkwardness is too much for him to stand. Can’t blame him. “Does anyone want a drink?”

We all take that as a cue and follow him into the kitchen to let Emily and Kam talk it out.

“Your kitchen is insane,” I blurt out.

Light oak cabinets and marble patterned countertops with stainless steel appliances gives off a home-vibe. It’s a space where I envision Emily watching Adam cook as I know she can’t cook anything edible to save her life.

“Thanks. At first I thought it was too much. But now I like that it shows Dylan that men can do more than yard work. And when he’s older he’ll be able to fend for himself.”

I barely know Adam, but I like that he’s teaching his son to be domesticated. If that’s even the word you would use.

“Nice,” Jax says. “I’m sorry about my sister.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Adams shrugs it off. “Now who wants a drink? ”

“I was promised the largest margarita you can make me,” I claim.

“Coming right up. You three help yourselves outside,” Adam tells us and I like him instantly. We all grab our drinks, margaritas for Jax and I and a beer for Mason.

“It’s like paradise,” I murmur when we step outside. “Now I’m starting to see why Em keeps you to herself.”

Adam, Mason, and Jax snort like they’re not thinking the same thing. A pool with a waterfall, cabanas, a fire pit, and a hot tub adorn the space. That’s not including the spacious patio we’re standing on with the outdoor kitchen enough to make any suburban dad drool.

Adam moves to fire up the grill as Jax and I whip our cover-ups off and walk into the pool. Turns out this is a saltwater pool and the temperature is warm enough to not have me sprouting goosebumps or my leg hairs on the fast track to growing. Movement from behind the boys drags my attention there as Emily and Kamryn come out of the house brighter than they were twenty minutes ago. And that’s good. They’ve been friends for over a decade and for something like Emily dating someone in private to come between them would be a shame. Kam places a kiss on Mason’s cheek before joining us in the pool, while Emily joins the boys.

Seeing them all couple-y sends me back in time when I had that. I mean, Paul and I were never over-the-top with our PDA. But he always made sure that he was within distance of me. Maybe that was his way of keeping a claim on me so no one else could have me. I shake myself out of that time and splash Emily to bring her into the pool. She bends down and hands me her drink before pulling her dress off .

“You’re not subtle,” she tells me as she slides into the water.

Kamryn snorts and I hand Emily her drink back when she’s submerged in the pool. “Sweetie, when have you ever known that to be a trait of mine?”

“Fair point. So what do you think?” Emily asks with a touch of nerves to her question.

I look around Emily and ogle her boyfriend much longer than I should. She splashes me and I return my gaze to her with a smile. “I can see why you fell for him. But there’s something about him. I can’t put my finger on it.” I snap trying to guess what it is about him.

“It’s the eyes,” Emily says.

“The eyes,” we sing.

“How’s work, Sarah?”

I look at her and take a healthy sip of my drink.

“That good, huh?”

“We’re doing damage control right now. One of the hockey players needs a PR makeover. Jeff stated that since my schedule is so light, thank you Mason, he suggested a babysitter. And guess who has to do the babysitting?”

Emily’s mouth falls open. “You?”

“I sometimes hate my job.” I mock pout into my drink.

“But you’re the best publicist I’ve ever had,” Mason interjects as he and Adam join us in the pool.

Holy shit. Tattooed and pierced? Emily being incredibly cagey about him makes sense and splashes me yet again when she sees who has my attention. I can’t help it if my best friends date hot men.

“What?” I ask innocently.

“Get your own single dad,” she taunts.

The laughter that spills out in the pool relaxes me. Adam kisses her on the cheek and pulls her into his arms as we all wade further into the pool.

Funny enough, I thought Jeff was flirting with me when I first started. And my fairy tale mind took me to a place where I imagined dating my boss. I very quickly imagined our illicit hookups in his office. But that was squashed after working with him for a good few months when I learned how messy he was. Jeff is now the older brother I never had and his kids are the nieces and nephews I knew I wouldn’t get from being an only child. Now my fairy tale’s involve my new client which is possibly worse than my boss.

The rest of the day is filled with drinks, food, and so much laughter my stomach cramps. Having friends is temporary. But having a chosen family is forever. And that’s what this small group is.