Page 27

27

SARAH

T he clanking of hangers hitting each other as I slide pieces I don’t like fills the dead space. Since Riley had a game on New Year’s Eve, which I’m not complaining about as they won, we didn’t get to celebrate the way we intended. But now he has two weeks off from the ice and it’s Valentine’s week so we get to celebrate at my house.

I know the holiday is top tier cheese-fest. But this is what Riley turns me into. Since he has these two weeks off, we’ve been staying at my house. It’s a good change of scenery and the cats have seemed to adjusted fairly well to the new space. Plus, hearing them run up and down the stairs has been free entertainment.

“Did you need me to start a dressing room for you?” The sales associate asks as she comes up next to me.

I look down at my weighed down arms. “No, actually. I have a few of these sets at home, I just need more.” I don’t tell her it’s because my boyfriend goes full caveman when I wear these sets and he’s been ripping them off my body since we made us official .

“I can take these to the register for you.” She offers kindly and holds her hands out for the items I’ve chosen.

“Thank you.” I tell her and hand them over.

I sift through the rack of lace bodysuits with distinct caging on the ribs and demi cups. I wasn’t wrong when I said I had a few at home. But since I’ve been in Rileyland, I’ve missed out on the newer drops and have to get some new colors. Same with the sets. If shoes are my number one weakness then lingerie is a close second. I add a few casual bodysuits to my stack along with some matching sets before I cut myself off from buying anymore.

An hour later, I’m walking out of the store with two bags filled to the brim when my phone rings.

“Hey, baby,” I greet Riley on the phone.

I hear his car starting up in the background. “Hi, Blue. How did shopping go?”

“You’ll find out as soon as I get home.”

“I like the sound of that. I’m gonna run to the store and pick up something for lunch and dinner, then I’ll be home.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

See? I’m a sap. I place my bags in the trunk of my car and navigate my way out of the parking garage. With football season done and baseball season getting ready to start back up, my schedule of what I need to do for my clients is in the in-between. I’m still busy but not as busy as I was last year.

Pulling up to my house, I see a few cars parked on the street and think they must be guests of my neighbors. The girls greet me when I shut the front door and I’m not sure if they’re more excited for my return or if it’s that my return means a snack. They follow me to the kitchen where I do in fact feed them. I’m reaching for a glass for water when the doorbell rings. Thinking it must be Riley but his hands are full I open the door without checking the peephole.

“You have that many…bags.” The words die on my tongue as I see who’s at my door.

“Did you miss us?”

The ghosts of my Christmas past have made their presence known in February. My mom, dad, and Paul fill the space in front of the door. My being fills with emotions I’m unable to grasp. But anger and disbelief that they can show up without warning takes over.

“What are you doing here?”

I haven’t talked to my parents in over six months. I ignored every phone call from them because it wasn’t worth my getting upset to hear her out. I hear Sasha and Pixie scramble past us at the door and barrel upstairs.

“You got cats?” My mom asks, completely ignoring my questions. Granted I didn’t answer her first question.

“Can we come inside? It’s cold out here,” Paul snipes. His pea coat has the collar popped up to shield his neck from the winter wind. And I cringe at the man I thought was the one.

I do everything I can to school my facial features at the three unwanted guests on my front step. But I open the door wider and motion them to the sitting room off to the side. I don’t want them here any longer than need be. And having them here already soils the happy bubble I was living in.

I close the door, but leave it unlocked because I know Riley will be home any minute. I lean against the frame to the sitting room and watch them take in what little decorations I have in this space.

“What are you doing here?” I ask again and curl my fingers into fists, probably leaving crescent indents .

“We came to see you. We missed you at Thanksgiving and Christmas,” my mom says like it’s not obvious.

“Why are you with them?” I ask my question to Paul.

He looks at my parents and they nod. “The baby wasn’t mine. And when I found out I moved out and I’ve been living with your parents for the last year. We were hoping you would visit last year so I could explain things to you. But you never answered any of our phone calls.”

The last year. “Do you know what I do for work? Do any of you know what I do for work?”

My mom waves me off. “Honey, you shouldn’t have to worry about working if you were still with Paul.”

“That right there is why we have gone so long without talking.” I say as I hold my hands out. “I want to work. Hell, I love to work. And you may think that it’s fine to be unfaithful to the person you pledged faithfulness to, but that doesn’t work in my eyes.” I hold my mom’s stare. Because while I have no doubt my dad has been faithful, I can’t say the same about my mom. Her personal training sessions at the country club went beyond the country club. It’s something I kept a secret and with a look, she knows.

“Oh, and you’re so happy up here. Away from your family and with your cats.” Paul spits and breaks up the stare down between my mom and I.

I feel a gust of cold air hit my legs and I know that Riley is finally here as evidenced by the three sets intruder's eyes looking behind me.

“As a matter of fact, I am. Because despite the betrayal I felt when you told me you got someone pregnant, I found love. I let someone in who didn’t find it hard to love me. In fact, I learned I wasn’t hard to love at all like you said. I just needed the right person to love.” I take in Paul’s clenched jaw and the clenched fists at being outed in front of my parents. He probably told them his version of a story and they took his side. I then turn my focus to my parents. “The first day of college, I remembered wanting that version of you two forever. You were a perfect blend of my parents and friends. But as soon as I came home it’s like I didn’t know who you two were anymore. You weren’t the parents who let me cry on their shoulder when I found out my friend died. Dad, I don’t even know where you disappeared to, you let Mom control everything, including me. Mom, one day you’re going to wake up and wonder why you no longer have access to certain parts of my life. Because living the way that you live sounds more like a prison sentence than anything.” Riley comes up behind me and rests his arm over my front. Securing me. Anchoring me to him. I ignore their puzzled expression at this obvious form of trust between me and Riley. “Anytime you would call, it would never be to check up on me. It would be to see what my friend and her rich football player boyfriend were up to. But I’m your daughter. Not Kamryn, or Jax, or even Emily. Me. And you became so blind to this version of your life you wanted me to have. Maybe it was a product of how you were raised. But that’s not how I want to live.”

Riley wraps his other arm around me and kisses the side of my head. The three uninvited guests stand off to the far side of the room unsure of what to say or what to do. To be frank, I don’t know what to do either. Because the relationship I thought I had with all of them has been soiled by their own behavior. Maybe one day I could have been brave and made the first step to reconciliation. But finding out that Paul has been living with them ruined any chance of that. That type of betrayal doesn’t just mend with a few words and an unexpected visit .

“We just wanted a good life for you.” My dad speaks up and my mom turns her eyes to him.

“I have an incredible life here, Dad. Maybe my life was fine in Charleston but now that I’m here I realize that wasn’t my life. I don’t even remember that life that you wanted for me.”

My mom sets her stony gaze onto me. And I realize that I’m looking at a stranger. In all my time growing up, I don’t think I ever heard my mom own up to her faults. Siding with my ex who did cheat on me and then had him live with them is a fault I know she’ll never own up to. And for that she’s lost me.

They leave after more awkward seconds of silence and my chest finally deflates from the breath I was holding in. I think I’m more in shock and that’s why the emotions haven’t hit. But I feel empty. Maybe that feeling of freedom is floating around just waiting for me to catch it.

“So that was them, huh?” Riley asks after he shuts and locks the door.

“Yeah. Can Momma and Pops adopt me too?” My voice cracks on the last words and Riley rushes over to me and pulls me into his embrace.

“Shh. They don’t deserve your tears, baby. None of them do. You handled them with such poise that it amazed me.”

“Seeing them here just threw everything off. I thought I was prepared for if and when I saw them.” The horrifying realization that my relationship with my parents is now unfixable brings a wave of tears to my eyes. But through it all Riley holds me together as I fall apart. His reassuring words slowly put me back together because being the one to keep myself together is exhausting.

“Paul was really your type?” Riley asks with a sneer after a few moments .

I watery laugh leaves me as he leads us to the kitchen. “I had a thing for the button up guys.”

“Huh,” he starts and grabs a pan out of the cabinet. “You’re saying I should change my style?”

“Absolutely not. I love what you wear and if you get rid of those jeans that mold to your thighs I’m withholding sex for a week.” I threaten and jump up on the counter beside him.

“I was just joking about the style change. But good to know where your head is at.”

I pull Riley between my spread thighs and rest my hands on his shoulders. “Thank you for letting me handle them.” I say getting serious, my eyes stinging from the tears that are now threatening to fall again.

“I was never going to step in unless I absolutely needed to. But you didn’t need me. Because you are stronger than any of us give you credit for.” His hands lightly cradle my face and I feel his gaze move everywhere.

“I love you. In case I haven’t said that enough.”

He looks up to the ceiling and moves his head side to side as if in thought. “You have. But I’ll never stop loving the sound of those words coming from your lips. I love you too, angel.”

I slide my hands up and wrap them around his neck, pulling him towards me and pressing my lips to his. It’s a kiss that’s full of gratitude that he lets me fight battles on my own. I’ve never been so thankful to have someone in my corner who’s not silently trying to tear me down day by day. Riley champions for all of my successes and I were a better woman, I would let him go and let someone other girl experience his joy. But I’m selfish in my need for him, in my need for him to lift me up when I wake up feeling low, and in my need for him to make everyday feel like an adventure I’ve yet to take.

“No.”

“Sarah, please!”

“Kamryn, I’m not letting you design the dress I wear to marry you two in. That’s not happening,” I say to the grumpy future bride from across the table. “If you don’t want wrinkles before you’re thirty, I’d stop frowning.” She sticks her tongue out at me and I dish it right back.

Riley and I decided at the last minute to have a double date with Kam and Mason at my place. I think it’s cute the way Riley likes hanging out with him as he’s like an older brother that he never had.

We’re two months out from their big day and planning has been relatively smooth. Do I have a dress yet? No. Has my best friend made it her mission to convince me to allow her to design and make it for me? Yes it has been.

“But, I need something to keep me busy,” she’s outright begging at this point.

“Don’t you have your actual job to be doing?”

“Yes!” Mason shouts from the living room.

I give Kamryn a look and get up from the table to head to the living room, leaving her sputtering at my retreating form. Riley opens his arms to me and I fall into the space next to him and throw my legs over his lap. No sooner than I’m settled does Kamryn join us.

“Where are your plans to honeymoon?” Riley asks.

“I want somewhere hot, like a beach. Or anywhere tropical at the moment,” Kamryn says when she sits next to Mason. “But, I’d have to make sure I haven’t committed to any shows.”

“How do you not know?” I ask with a laugh.

“They all just blur into each other year after year. I have no clue what I have or have not committed to yet.”

Mason looks at her with the most content smile on his face. Since they got engaged the man has not stopped smiling. It’s a bit creepy. I feel like I’m back in college watching these two.

“What about you Mason? What do you want?”

“I want what Kamryn wants.”

She snorts and turns to him. “You know you have a say in where we go.”

“I know.”

Riley looks at me with a bemused look on his face. “Are they always like this?” he whispers.

“Sometimes,” I tell him. “And what about after the honeymoon?”

“We won’t prevent anything from happening if that’s what you’re asking. And my brand is at the point where, when it comes time for kids, I could always pull back to part-time.”

I watch Mason and Kamryn’s interaction with an unbiased view. I know they both want kids. The question is how many and when. Because Kamryn is a planner. She has a five-year and ten-year plan for her brand. But with kids you can’t plan. And I’m not entirely sure she left space in her work plans to involve kids.

“Enough about us,” Kamryn says, done with the conversation revolving around kids and their wedding. “What about you two?”

“Did Sarah tell you we had uninvited guests?” Riley asks .

I snake my hand under Riley’s sweatshirt and pinch his side. The only sign he gives away is the clench in his jaw.

“No. She didn’t. Care to tell me something?”

“No. Because there's nothing to tell,” I say through clenched teeth.

“Your boyfriend seems to differ,” Mason interjects.

I drop my head back and huff out a groan before facing my two friends. “My parents and Paul unexpectedly showed up this afternoon.”

“Fuckers,” Kamryn spits. “What did they want?” she asks.

Kamryn has always liked my parents. But she doesn’t like that they swayed me away from my first choice of fashion design and she really only tolerated them because of me. And if that’s not a true, ride or die bestie, then I don’t know what is.

“The baby wasn’t Paul’s,” I say and the gasp she lets out is subtle. “And he’s been living with them for almost a year.”

“What?!”

“I’m sure they thought strength in numbers and all of that. So he was befuddled when I all but refused his offer to reconcile and pick our relationship back up where we left it.”

Riley tenses under me and I weave my fingers through his hand that’s resting on my legs.

“Is your mom still of the opinion that you don’t need to work?” Mason asks.

“Yeah, she’ll never let that go.”

“So where does your relationship with your parents stand now?”

“Irreparable,” I whisper and distract myself by tracing the lines on Riley’s palm. I can feel their eyes on me. But admitting that I want something that I don’t think I can have makes me feel hopeless.

“Well, Emily fixed her relationship with her parents,” Kamryn tentatively says.

“That’s different,” I tell Kamryn and the look she gives me sees everything I’m not saying.

While Emily’s parents ignored her to further their careers, mine sided with an ex who cheated on me. And even though the baby wasn’t his, he still cheated. That’s not something a person can redeem themselves so easily from.

Throughout the night, we try our best to move on from my doomed relationship with my parents to lighter topics like if we think Adam will propose to Emily soon or if Jax will finally break up with her loser boyfriend. Even though I still have a rain cloud hanging over my head, this is good. Eating with the boy I love and two of the most important people sitting across from me. If they’re all I have, I’ll forever be the luckiest girl in the world.