Page 31

31

SARAH

R iley finds me in the tunnel after the last of the guests leave the ceremony. “You did great, Blue.”

“Not too nervous?” I ask and wrap my arms around his waist and look up into his eyes. The ones I honed in on when I felt myself get a little nervous speaking in front of so many people. The eyes that never left me the entire time I was giving the minister's speech. The eyes I love waking up to every morning.

“Not at all.” He says and dips down to take my lips with his. I lift up on my toes and try to deepen the kiss but he lightly brings me back down.

“We’ll have all night for me to bury myself in you.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I tell him and raise my eyebrows jokingly.

He shakes his head and I love the way he looks at me. Noise from the end of the tunnel signals that people are headed over to the reception. I love that Kam and Mason chose a place where we could walk to. If I know these two it’s that they spared no expense and everything from the drapery to the flowers and what we’ll eat is picked with care .

“Let’s go, pretty girl.”

We run into some of the wedding party on our way to the reception and I see Adam and Emily at the curb saying bye to Dylan for the night. When they turn around and see Riley and I slowing down, they join us on the stroll over.

“You’ll see him tomorrow.” I tell Emily as I loop my arm through hers. “Think of this as one of the many kid-free date nights.”

“She’s right, Em. Plus you know my parents will fill him up with all the sugar…” Adam trails off as he says it and swears under his breath before pulling his phone out of his suit jacket to presumably call his parents.

Emily shakes her head and laughs under her breath. “You’re right. I am super excited to spend the night dancing away until my feet fall off.”

“Atta girl,” I champion and the guys hold the doors open for us as we get closer.

Servers with flutes of champagne are positioned at the entrance and we each take a glass before clinking them together and head towards the reception hall. Twinkling string lights create a path towards where the reception is held and music floats towards the entrance. We all step into the room and stop at the threshold in awe of what we’re seeing. They continued with the twinkling light theme and brought them into the room along with white sheer curtains draped from the ceiling as string lights swoop and curtain to the floor.

The bride and groom table is at the front of the room on a lift. It’s a simple two-seater table with a white tablecloth and gold chairs. For us guests, circular tables with the white tablecloths cover the surface and big glass candle holders sit in the middle of the tables with eye-catching flowers as the centerpiece. The center of the room is strategically left empty for the dancing that is guaranteed to take place.

Kamryn and Mason decided to forego a seating chart, so every seat is a free-for-all. We find a table that’s empty and wait for the rest of the guests to filter in.

“Have you seen Jax?” I ask Emily softly when we settle into our seats.

She looks around the room for her. “Not since the ceremony.”

I tap on the stem of my champagne flute and contemplate what to do. It’s her sister's wedding reception and she should be here. I lean over to Riley. “I’m gonna go try to find Jax.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” He asks, and I could kiss him all over his face for asking.

“No.” I say and stand up from my seat. “But if I’m not back in ten minutes, come find me.”

I swiftly walk back out of the reception hall and decide to go the opposite way we came in. Checking a few of the doors, but not budging from being locked, I keep trying until I hear a raised voice coming from the last door.

Trent’s voice is raised as he berates Jax for something that most likely isn’t her fault.

“Hey!” I yell sharply when I push my way into the room. “Who do you think you’re yelling at?”

“Back off bitch,” he spits and the mask that he’s always worn around Kamryn and Mason is finally off.

“Hey!” A voice booms from behind me. A flash of blond whirls past me as a fist is sent into Trent’s face.

“Riley!” I gasp at a loss for words of what else to say.

“Is this how you treat women? Tearing them down until you feel a fraction bigger than them?” His anger is like a live wire as he stands over Trent’s crumpled body .

The tiniest man I’ve ever encountered cradles his possibly broken nose if evidenced by the blood pouring from it. I look over at Jax with her face devoid of all emotion and tears silently trailing down her face. I’ve never seen her so defeated and I realize I have no idea how to approach this other than affection.

“Jax?” I tread carefully. I step in front of her and wait for her gaze to meet mine. And when it does my heart cracks in two for her.

“I don’t–I can’t…”

I shake my head and pull her into my arms. Her body shakes with sobs and fear. I look over and see security escorting Trent out of the room we’re in and hopefully making sure he leaves altogether. Riley stands off to the side with a furrow in his brow and his fist clenched.

“How long has this been going on?”

Jax pulls away from me and wipes under her eyes. “Longer than anyone knows.”

“Jaclyn Marie Rawlins, tell me that you didn’t hide this from your sister. From your parents.”

“And say what, Sarah? That my boyfriend was verbally abusing me for the past year? Using me to get closer to Mason for fame? That every remark he made about me and how I didn’t look like the Instagram models he followed tore at me day after day until I started to take matters into my own hands. Is that what I should have said?”

My mouth is agape and I look at her. Really look at her. And I swallow hard at everything she lays at my feet. Everything she went through at the hands of him. The man she loved. My therapist gave me tools for when I needed them for me. But now I feel completely useless because none of those tools are good enough for her .

“Jax–” I start, but she holds her hand up to stop me.

“I’m not like you, or Emily, or even my sister. So it was easy for me to stay with someone for the fear of being alone forever. But this is my life and what I’ve chosen.” Jax says and turns out of the room.

I bite the inside of my lips as my eyes well with tears. Riley rushes over and holds me to him. “How can she just shake it off? That’s not love.”

“That’s her version of love, Blue. No matter how sick and twisted it is. That’s unfortunately her version. Mason told Kamryn that she needs to be the one to end it with him. And hopefully this will be the driving force for her to end it with him.”

We stay like this in the middle of the empty room and I let what happened wash over me. Did Jax leave too? Did she rush after that waste of space? It’s her sister’s wedding for crying out loud. And if she’s not here then I won’t know what to say to Kamryn.

I pull back and wipe under my eyes. “Okay. Let’s go back.”

“Are you sure?” Riley asks and ducks down a little so he’s eye-level with me.

“Yeah.” I nod.

He takes my hand and together we walk back to the reception hall. I hope we didn’t miss Kam and Mason’s entrance. I don’t think she’d forgive us for that. But would she forgive me for keeping this important piece of information from her?

“Ladies and gentleman, please direct your attention to the dance floor for the bride and groom’s first dance,” the DJ announces.

Riley moves me to stand in front of him as Mason pulls Kamryn onto the dance floor with him. His arms wrap around me and I’m completely immersed in him as we sway to the song while the couple dances their first dance.

Jax returned to the reception and managed to sneak Trent in with her. I’ve swiftly avoided both of them. Not because I’m mad at Jax, but I’m disappointed. I know those in abusive relationships can’t just leave. But I at least hoped that with all of the examples of love around her, she would see that she deserves more.

“I love you,” Riley says in my ear. “I love your heart, I love your devotion, and most of all I love that you never give up on the people who matter the most to you.”

I lean into him and pull his arms tighter around me. “I love you, too.”

Aside from the tension within our group, the rest of the night goes on without any issues. The bouquet toss ends with Emily winning the bouquet, while Adam wins the garter toss. If my senses are as accurate as I claim them to be, then Adam has something up his sleeve.

Riley and I stay wrapped in each other’s arms for the rest of the night. Dancing to all of the songs and swaying to the slow songs. Declaring our love to each over and over.

When the announcement is made that the bride and groom are preparing to take off, those of us still left head outside for their farewell. Jax and I end up standing across from each other and I’ve never felt like more of a trash human. She doesn’t return my smile and does everything she can to focus her attention on Trent. Sparklers are passed out and lit right before the bride and groom make their exit. While our cheering is genuine, it’s subdued for how exhausted we all are. And when the car pulls off, we all put our sparklers out and start to collect the things we brought with us.

“Jax,” I say and try to start a conversation with her. But she pulls on Trent’s hand and they disappear into the night.

“Try again next week, baby.” Riley says and wraps his arm around my shoulder.

I sigh in defeat and follow him to get the rest of my things. We say goodbye to Emily and Adam with promises to double-date soon. Our car is waiting to take us back to my place and tiredly, we climb into the backseat. Riley holds my hand in his and reassures me that I did nothing wrong.

The problem with wanting to fix things, is that you want to try to fix people too. No matter your profession, put a problem in front of someone and they’ll try to fix it. I don’t want to fix Jax, but I do want to help and show her that she’s worth so much more than some guy who constantly compares her to other women and tears her down just so he can feel better about himself. But did I go about it the wrong way? At the time, I saw nothing wrong with easing into her life. Maybe she would confide in me and tell me she wants an out. But maybe, just maybe, this is a problem for Kamryn to fix.

Our car stops at my house and Riley tells the driver he’ll get the door. He loops his fingers in mine and pulls me up to the front door. We set our loose belongings in the front room and lock up before heading upstairs.

I grab a makeup wipe when in the bathroom and start taking all of my makeup off. I’m exhausted, but going to bed with makeup on is shown to age you faster. And, no thank you. I toss the cotton round in the trash and turn to Riley, “Will you unhook me? ”

He pushes my hair to the side and my dress loosens as the two buttons keeping my dress in place separate.

Silently, I step inside the shower and wait for him to join me.

“What can I do, Blue?” He asks and holds me to him.

The water from the shower mixes well with my tears that I finally let free. “If I had the answer, I would tell you. But I feel…helpless.”

“You saying something could possibly be one of the things Jax needed to hear.”

“I hope so. My ex was not verbally abusive like Trent, but I still had no one tell me I had an out.”

“And you’re scared that if you didn’t say anything, something irreparable would have happened?”

“Yeah.”

You read about it, you hear about it, but until you’re experiencing it with someone in your life, you’ll never know how to go about getting someone out of a bad situation. Riley washes my hair and body, shooing me once I’m done so he can wash himself.

I dry off and do my skincare before taking care of my hair and then crawling into bed. Riley joins me a few minutes later and shuts off the light.

I’m woken up with a jolt. My heart rate is through the roof and my breathing is shaky.

“Hey,” Riley whispers carefully. “You’re okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t know what’s happening,” I cry, my body trembles as sobs wrack my body.

He pulls me until I’m laying on top of him and rubs my back. “I’m no expert, but I think everything with Jax is bringing your painful time back.”

I inhale a shaky breath and keep breathing until the tears dry up.

“Do you think maybe you should take a trip to Charleston?”

A protest is on the tip of my tongue because I have no reason to set foot there. But maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Everything is still up in the air with my parents, especially after their surprise visit, so maybe a trip won’t hurt.

“Will you come with me?” I ask even though I already know the answer.

“You couldn’t stop me.” He says and I nod against his chest as sleep comes back to claim me. “Go back to sleep baby.”

I fall asleep to Riley’s reassurances and wake up later in the morning on my side with him wrapped around me. I look at the time and see it’s almost noon. Which is odd because I swear we just fell asleep.

“Morning, baby,” Riley says and kisses the back of my head.

“Morning.” I say and grab one of his hands and kiss it. I link our hands together and relish in this silent moment. Where the sun has risen but the life of a new day has yet to invade this space.

“How are you?”

I turn on my back and set my focus on the ceiling fan. “Tired, still.”

“That’s to be expected. What about your feelings over Jax?”

A whoosh of air escapes me when I think about how to talk to Kamryn about this. “I feel stuck and like the tools my therapist gave me are completely useless. What good are those tools if I can’t loan them to other people?”

“And your feelings about going back to Charleston?”

“I feel like I’ve accepted that I need to go back there one final time. Not for them, but for me. I need to confront them, my parents especially, and find a way to put them in the past. Because until they learn to accept my need for independence then we’ll never have a relationship.” I swallow tightly at the possibility of cutting off all contact with my parents. It’s been over two months since they bombarded me with a visit. But maybe if I’m on their turf they’ll find a way to see things from my viewpoint. “The sooner we get there the better. Otherwise, I’ll keep finding reasons to not go there.”

“Let’s fly down on Monday and if things don’t go the way you hope, we’ll make a vacation out of it. We’ll turn the sour into sweet.”

“You really are the best boyfriend ever,” I tell him and turn to look at him. His blond hair is tousled, unfortunately not from my hands, and his eyes are still holding onto that sleepy gaze.

“You bring it out of me.”

Riley slides out of bed after he kisses me on the forehead and I hear as he takes care of business in the bathroom. I grab my phone off the nightstand and open it to texts and emails. But I forgo those and start a new chat with Kamryn and Emily.

Me: Riley and I are headed to Charleston on Monday. But when I get back, we need to have a chat.

Emily: Sounds serious.

Kam: Yeah, what’s wrong?

Kam: And why isn’t Jax in this thread?

Me: I wouldn’t keep her out if it wasn’t important.

Me: I am begging you to not say anything to her until we all talk.

Kam: Okay…well, I’ll do my best to ignore that you texted me at all.

Me: I’m sure Mason will have no problem getting you to forget.

Kam: He does do that thing with his tongue that I love.

Emily: EW!

Me: Party foul!

I exit our thread to check hotels in Charleston. Wanting a bit more of an escape, I find one with vacancies in Charleston Village and book it for five days. That should be enough time. Plus we’ll be close to all of the touristy spots that I’ve always found to be romantic.

“I booked our hotel!” I shout so he hears through the bathroom door.

Said door opens and steam billows out. My mouth dries at the sight of Riley with a towel wrapped around his waist and his chest still damp from the shower.

He snorts and my attention trails up to his smirking face. “That was fast.”

“If I didn’t do it now, I’d never do it. We just need to book our flight.”

“I’ll take care of that,” he tells me .

We settle into domestic bliss for the rest of the afternoon. With him I’ve never felt so at peace or at ease in the little things. Some moments I pinch myself or psych myself out and think that what he and I have is too good to be true. That I’m held hostage somewhere, drugged up, and at any moment whoever is holding me hostage will let up on the drugs and I’ll wake up in my life before Riley. So I don’t take any moment with him for granted.