Page 22

22

SARAH

T he smell of dessert hits us as we walk into Riley’s parents place. We had to go through the front door as Pops has a deep fryer in the garage and the temperature change would’ve thrown off the heat of the oil. At least that’s what he’s been telling Riley since he was a kid.

“Momma?” Riley calls out as we place our jackets on the hooks.

“Kitchen, honey.”

Riley hangs on me as we walk through the house. My arms twist back as if I plan on carrying him on my back. It’s fun being able to experience life and love through him. More importantly, it's fun having fun in this relationship. He’s made every day we’ve been together a new adventure.

“Hi, Pop,” Riley and I greet in unison.

“Hey, you two.”

“It smells really good in here, Cassie.” I say when I untangle Riley’s arms from around me and walk over to her.

She kisses me on the cheek. “Thank you, sweetheart. Are you ready to get your hands dirty?”

“Yes. Put me to work,” I tell her. I pull my hair back and head to the sink to wash my hands. Riley kisses her on the cheek and pats me on the butt before joining his dad on the couch to watch football.

We get to work on rolling out the pie crust for the chocolate chess pie along with mixing up dough for chocolate chip cookies. Those will sit in the fridge until they’re ready to be baked. Cassie then shows me how to make Riley’s favorite macaroni and cheese dish.

“It’s a lot of steps,” I confess.

She looks over at me, stirring the roux. “It is. But after a while this can be done in under two hours and without a recipe.”

I look over at her with a deer-in-the-headlights look. “No recipe?” I squeak out.

Cassie’s smile is that of familiarity. “I promise it can be done. When I made my first dish with Dean’s mom, I felt like I was under a microscope. Even with her very watchful eye, I still felt like the noodles were overcooked or the sauce was too salty or there wasn’t enough cheese.”

“So what happened?”

“Oh, that all still happened. But I practiced, unbeknownst to Dean. And that next Thanksgiving, I wow’ed him, his Mom, and the rest of his family.”

“Do you both come from big families?” I ask because I’m curious about Riley’s parents.

“Dean does. He has three sisters and two brothers. He’s firmly in the middle of the bunch. Me on the other hand, I grew up with a half-sister that I lost contact with after our Dad passed away.”

“I’m so sorry,” I say and try not to come off as pity.

“Thank you, sweetheart. What about you?”

“I’m an only child. Which is a blessing and a curse I suppose. ”

She motions that the roux is done and to add the noodles to start the process of assembling everything. “Go on.”

“My parents were great when I was in high school and college. It was after college that I realized they expected me to do things the way they wanted. Get a degree, but don’t plan to use it as your husband will be the one to take care of you. Stay with this guy even though he steps out on you.” I get to mixing the noodles and sauce. We top the dish with the leftover cheese and pop it in the oven.

“Okay. Everything looks like it’s about done.”

“Really?”

“Mm hmm. Now what we do is grab a glass of wine and head out to the fire pit to talk more.”

I wring my hands in front of me. “Okay.”

Cassie pours us each a hefty glass of wine and leads the way to the backyard. “Riley, keep an eye on the food.”

He looks over from the TV. “You got it Momma.” His brow furrows at the two of us and his baby blue eyes meet mine with a silent question. I nod him off and follow her outside. Cassie presses the button for the fire pit and two minutes later the fire has warmed our chilled bodies up.

“Has Riley told you what I do for work?”

I take a sip of wine and then shake my head. “I can’t say he has.”

“I work as a part-time sex therapist,” Cassie states.

I choke on the wine that’s still traveling down my throat.

Cassie’s laugh is of amusement to my shock. “Riley acts the same way. You both are adults so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that part of growing up is realizing that sex is not something to be embarrassed over.”

“Definitely not embarrassed. Is this where you tell me to be careful? ”

“I have a feeling I don’t need to tell you that,” she surveys me the way only a caring mother should. “Tell me more about the relationship with your parents.”

“I don’t know if you can classify it as a relationship.” I take a sip of wine and Cassie waits for me to gather my thoughts. “I think my mom resents me a little. I rebelled against what she wanted for me. And when I pushed back she pushed harder.”

“I think most parents just want what’s best for their children, even if at the time we’re clouded by the hypotheticals,” Cassie notes.

“This was different. This was her encouraging me to ignore my morals by taking someone back who got someone else pregnant. That’s not what was best for me.”

I take a healthy swallow of wine to choke down the emotion. The more I think of and talk about my crumbled relationship with my parents, the more resentful I feel towards them.

“Do you think there's a chance for reconciliation?”

“I’ve thought about it. But it would take my mom some big wake-up calls to realize that the longer I stay away and the longer we go without talking for that to happen.” I say off-handedly.

“What was your first thought when you found out your ex got someone pregnant?”

“Betrayal was the first word. He and I agreed that while we were working our way up the corporate ladder that kids weren’t our priority. And I agreed. Also at the time I didn’t even know if I wanted kids in general or I just unconsciously decided I didn’t want kids with him.”

“And now if you had to choose, where do you stand on the idea of having kids?”

“Are you asking me this as Riley’s mom or as a therapist?” I raise my eyebrow at her and try to bring some lightness into this conversation.

Cassie chuckles into her wine glass. “Maybe a bit of both. You two are–I’ve never seen my son happier than he is now. When his parents passed away, it was like watching one of those commercials of someone wearing the happy mask to the world but coming home and taking that mask off, revealing all of that sadness.” She blinks fast to stave off the tears and I find my eyes getting watery as well. “Dean and I did, and still do, what we can by keeping his parents' memory alive without making it seem too braggy that we knew them longer. Happiness is all I’ve wanted for him.”

“He brings me happiness too and that scared me at first because I put all of my eggs in one basket before. But he lets me feel things in a way that’s healthy. And as far as kids? I don’t know. If I chose to have kids and if my body allowed me to carry to term, I wouldn’t be opposed. And if I had kids with Riley, I also wouldn’t oppose to it,” I finish with a smile.

“I was right about you.” Cassie notes and I tilt my head in a silent question. “You’re good for him and he’s good for you.”

Conversation between us flows effortlessly. I talk to her like I would to any mom. We eat dinner as a family. Laughing and joking. Breaking out into out of the blue TV monologues. It’s the most fun and stress free Thanksgiving I’ve ever been part of.

And as Riley and I crawl back into bed later that night, I promise to myself to tell him how I feel by the end of the year.

Kisses dot my face the next morning. I feel as if we just fell asleep and now a new day has begun. Kisses continue to run over my face and down my body.

“Wake up sleepyhead,” Riley’s husky voice beckons.

“I can’t. Too much tryptophan.”

Riley laughs into my neck and drops his body weight onto me. I can’t complain because I get a free heater so I wrap my arms around his neck and hope this brings him back to bed.

“No way. We have a lot to do today.”

“Is it too late to mold you into someone who sleeps in?” I joke through my still-sleepy state.

“Momma and Pops asked the same thing.” He kisses me on the neck and unwinds my arms from around his neck. “We’re decorating today.”

I peek and eye open and see him already decked out in a holiday-themed sweatshirt. “Oh no. You really do love the holidays.”

“Don’t think you’re getting out of this without matching. And on the thirty-first of December, you’ll get this chance too. Now get your cute butt up and ready.”

Riley hops up off the bed effortlessly and strolls into the living room full of chatter. I can’t help but laugh at his joy. While I love Christmas, I clearly don’t love it as much as Riley does. Doing as he says, I get out of bed and head to the bathroom to do my business and shower. When I’m dressed for the day, I head out to the living room with Sasha on my feet and halt when I see what greets me.

“Baby, we really need to talk about this,” I tell Riley as it looks like the entirety of Home Emporium threw up in his living room.

Plates being set on the counter being my attention to the man in the kitchen. “It’s a lot now but I promise once everything is in its place it’ll look good.”

I eye the decorations warily and make my way to the bar. My mouth waters at the omelet in my spot along with an iced chai with just the right amount of milk. Riley takes a seat next to me and I lean over to kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you for breakfast.”

He sneaks a kiss on my lips as I’m pulling away. “Feeding you is one of my favorite things to do.”

“What else is your favorite thing to do?” I ask and shovel food into my mouth.

“I like watching you sleep,” he says in that low Edward Cullen voice.

I drop my fork onto my plate and cover my face with my hands, laughing into them. “I can’t believe you said that.”

“I also just love being with you. That’s my most favorite thing,” Riley says and my breath hitches at the word ‘love’.

I look over at him with slightly pink cheeks from that one word. Not wanting to poke the bear, I finish my food with a lightness I can’t describe. It’s different than anything I’ve felt before. This feels like more.

Riley and I put up the decorations with very little bickering. Once I found out the way he used to decorate, I straightened his order up. The balcony is the last to get decorated. We work as a team to wind and connect the garland to the railing.

“Baby, why don’t we sit out here more often?” I ask after placing the outdoor pillows on the couches. Because yes, this balcony is big enough for two love seats, a two-seater cafe table, and a fire pit.

“Because I’d much rather cuddle with you inside.” He says while tying the last bow on the garland.

“Fair point. ”

The rest of the day is filled with so much holiday joy I almost get a toothache. But Riley makes the day memorable with laughter, hot chocolate, and a Home Alone marathon of one through three.

With every second spent with him, those three words that aren’t so little anymore, threaten to break free with every breath.