Page 3 of Last Call (Open Tab #5)

Andi and Billie arrived home two days after Fallon and Riley.

Fallon expected Billie to remain on cloud nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine for the rest of her life.

Andi seemed more content than Fallon had ever seen her.

She was grateful Andi was home. Riley’s call to Mary didn’t exactly win Fallon any brownie points with Riley’s older sister.

What was it Riley told Fallon that Mary had said?

“I suppose you’re eager to get back to the Podunk town with your wife. ”

Podunk? Does anyone even use the word Podunk anymore?

Riley pretended it didn’t bother her. It did reinforce why Riley chose not to visit. Fallon thought Riley could use a little time with Andi after the Mary debacle. Riley was happy to accept Andi’s invitation for a one-on-one dinner while Billie packed some more things from her house.

Owen was spending the day with Barb and the girls.

A few hours of quiet time at home gave Fallon a chance to sift through a pile of mail at the kitchen table.

She picked up a large manila envelope. The return address stopped her heart.

Angela Miller. Fallon sucked in a nervous breath and opened the letter.

Fallon,

Liv left a few things in my care. I imagine seeing this raises questions.

After you read everything, if you want to talk, feel free to call me.

I’m sorry about Liv. I can’t expect you to understand her decisions.

I don’t know why she was adamant that no one could know about our father.

She was. I would’ve happily told the world.

I think that might have killed her sooner. I don’t know.

Fallon shook her head. “What in the hell?”

I found this letter in her hotel room. It’s addressed to you.

I didn’t open it, so I don’t know what it says.

Read that first. Look at the things I enclosed.

She ensured there was money set aside for Barb.

I’ll be happy to get that to her in the coming weeks.

If I don’t hear from you, I’ll understand.

I tried to ignore my past for a long time.

I tried to hate my sister. She thought she was doing the right thing.

One thing you should know, Fallon: she loved Barb, but she always regretted what happened between you. Take care of yourself.

Angela

Fallon picked up a small white envelope. Her name was scrawled in Liv’s writing. She turned it in her hand a few times and finally opened it.

Fallon,

You always think you know someone. There are parts of people we never know.

I wish I had never learned that lesson. I know you think I’m selfish.

You’re right; I have been selfish. I could make excuses, but that’s all they would be.

I made choices. I thought they were the right choices.

I’ve come to understand that these were the choices I needed to make.

I thought I needed to make. I tried for years to clean up my father’s wreckage.

In the process, I destroyed my family. I always wanted to be like him when I was a kid.

I thought he was Superman, Adonis, and General Patton rolled into one man.

He wasn’t. He was a schemer and an opportunist who preyed on the most vulnerable people you could imagine. The details don’t matter.

I know you’re curious. I know you. His choices aren’t the point or the problem; I became him, after all.

I justified every decision I made. I was helping people.

And I did, Fallon. I helped a lot of people.

The cost was borne by the people who matter most. Dean warned me.

More than once. You can show him this letter; he can tell you more than I have the strength to share now.

Angela can fill in the blanks. I never thought she and I would see eye to eye about anything.

Funny how betrayal can connect people. She warned me too, but she’s stood by me through everything.

I set some money aside where it couldn’t be connected to me.

You’re the financial wizard; Angela has all the information about that.

There’s no way out for me, Fallon. No way that won’t cause everyone more pain.

No way to atone. No way to undo what’s been done.

I can’t allow my choices to hurt the girls.

I can’t live with the fact that I can’t fix this—any of it.

I thought Amsterdam might be a chance to start over.

You can’t start over. No one can. The past is always there.

I love you. I know you won’t believe most of what’s in this letter.

I’m happy you found Riley, but I wish it could’ve been us.

I do. Every day. I wanted you to know that.

I don’t blame you for hating me. I deserve it.

But I hope you might find a way to forgive me one day.

Please make sure Barb and the girls are okay.

I know I don’t have any right to ask. But I’m asking.

I hope you find the life you wanted, Fallon. I do.

All my love,

Liv

Fallon folded the letter, returned it to the envelope, and set it aside. She pushed her chair away, grabbed her jacket, and headed for the door. She felt numb. A long walk on a cold night was exactly what she needed.

Riley read the letter for the third time. “I don’t understand.”

Fallon nodded.

“Fallon?”

“I don’t know everything she’s talking about,” Fallon said. “I imagine Dean and Angela can fill in the blanks just like she said in her letter.”

“Fallon, this has to be confusing and painful for you.”

“I walked around the pond ten times after I read it,” Fallon said.

“You could’ve called me.”

“I needed to process things.” Fallon shook her head. “God help me, Riley, I loved the woman.”

“I know.”

“But it never stops with her.”

“Fallon.”

“Riley, it doesn’t. This is Liv. That letter says everything that matters. The past is always in the present ? Maybe it is—I guess that’s true too. It doesn’t have to dictate your choices. Seriously, Riley. What the hell is that letter? A guilt trip?”

“Fallon, I think Liv was trying to tell you she was sorry.”

“Liv was doing what Liv always did. She was feeling sorry for Liv. I’m not about to pretend it doesn’t hurt. It hurts. It hurts like hell. I’d like to tell her just how much it hurts. I can’t because she did the same thing she always does; she bailed.”

Riley’s heart clenched.

“The funny thing is, Riley, that letter—it just made me realize that Liv is part of my past. I can’t change that, and I don’t want to change it.

I’m not about to make the same mistakes she did.

It doesn’t matter what she was doing or why.

It really doesn’t. She could’ve told Barb or me—up until the day she died, Riley.

She didn’t keep us in the dark to protect us—not really.

She told herself that. And I think she believed it.

“I looked through what Angela sent me. Liv? She paid off people, Riley. From what I could gather, high-end pimps. Some of what Angela put in that folder—I don’t know what to make of it.

I imagine Dean knows. That’s probably what he didn’t want to tell me.

She used her position at the State Department as leverage to help women in these men’s grasp.

It explains why she needed so much money.

I don’t need to be in Dean’s line of work to know the people she dealt with would always want more money.

I get it. More than you might think. Even without Dean and Angela to clue me in on all the details and reasons.

I met some seedy people in my former profession.

People who wanted to hide money. Liv is right.

It was her choice not to do things the right way.

To what? Play the hero? Whose hero, Riley?

She didn’t want things to hurt the girls.

What could be worse than losing your mother?

I don’t know what to think. Why? She worked for the government, for Christ’s sake!

Why not deal with the authorities? What the hell was she thinking?

Her way out is to run herself off a road? Jesus.”

“I know you’re angry.”

“I am. And I want to know why. I want to know what and who. Like she said, I’m curious. It won’t change anything.”

“What can I do?” Riley asked.

“You’re doing it, just like you have from the day we met,” Fallon said. “You’re listening. Riley, I don’t want to think about it anymore. I don’t want to think about her. ”

Riley’s lips pursed.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t. I don’t want to. I don’t know how to deal with any of this. But I don’t intend to let it interfere with our lives.”

“It’s okay, Fallon, if you want to slow down on our plans.”

“I don’t. I want us to build our house. I want to make plans with you. ”

Riley smiled.

“I need you to know that. I also need you to know…”

Riley stopped Fallon’s thought. “It’s going to take time, Fallon—a lot of time for you to heal. I know that. This—it isn’t behind you or Barb, or any of us. It’s not in the past. It’s the present. You have to move through it. We all do. And we will.”

“Riley, I want us to talk about our family.”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” Riley put her hand over Fallon’s.

“You mean you want us to talk about having a baby. We have time, Fallon. Loads of it.” Riley lifted Fallon’s chin.

“Hey. I’m not saying we have to wait for years.

Isn’t that one of the reasons we’ve decided to build a house near your mom?

Growing our family? We’ll get there, babe. ”

“You think it’s premature.”

“No,” Riley said. “I don’t think that at all, Fallon.

If we were a heterosexual couple, we might get a surprise without any planning.

I wouldn’t have married you if I thought any part of being married was premature.

For us, children are part of the equation.

We have a lot to consider about growing our family.

I think we should talk about it. And when we’ve decided on the who and the how, we’ll try. Okay?”

“Really?”

Riley nodded. “Really.”

Fallon let out a deep breath of relief.

Riley pushed the letter away and tugged Fallon’s hand. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Are you tired?”

“No. I just want to be close to you,” Riley said.

Fallon let Riley lead her away. “I’m sorry things have been so messy lately.”

“It’s just life, Fallon. Liv was right. The past is always part of our present. It’s part of us. Mine is too. It’s not more important than today or tomorrow,” she said. “Let’s focus on that for the rest of the night.”

“I love you, Riley.”

“I love you too.”

“Would it be okay if I held you and we talked about the new house?”

“It would be perfect,” Riley replied. “But while we’re at it—this idea of yours about naming our daughter, Mandy…”

“What’s wrong with Mandy?”

“I keep hearing Barry Manilow in my head. It’s like listening to the radio in my dad’s car.”

Fallon started to sing. “I remember all my life, raining down as cold as ice…”

Riley laughed. I hope she doesn’t have a song for every name.