Page 12 of Last Call (Open Tab #5)

“I suppose it does,” Andi admitted. “I’m okay with it, Billie.”

“But?”

“I’m a little worried about Fallon.”

“Can I ask why?”

“Of course. Fallon is moving fast—again. She wants everything now .”

“That’s Fallon,” Billie said.

Andi nodded.

“Am I missing something?” Billie asked.

“No. I think Fallon is acting as much on fear as on excitement.”

“Fear?”

“Yes,” Andi replied. “I remember how excited she was when she and Liv built that house—so ready to create a life with Liv. It tore her apart when Liv left. And we both know how deeply it hurt her when Dean agreed to help Liv and Barb start their family.”

“What does that have to do with Riley?”

“Nothing and everything. They are building a new home—one Riley helped design—one built to add children to their lives.”

“I see where you’re going. It’s not the same. They already have Owen,” Billie said.

“True. But there’s this little gremlin whispering to Fallon that if she doesn’t make it all come together immediately, it will slip away.”

“It’s not like it was with Liv, though. She and Riley are married.”

“This isn’t about facts,” Andi said. “It’s about feelings. What did you say to me a few minutes ago?”

“I don’t know. What did I say?”

Andi chuckled. Simple moments reminded her why Billie was the love of her life.

“I think it was something about mirrors,” Andi said. “Isn’t that what you were trying to tell me? That my assumption that I’m regarded as somehow less because of my past is a reflection of my insecurities?”

“Yes, but how is that like Fallon pushing to have kids?”

“Fallon will always have questions about Liv. What if she’d agreed to leave with her? What if she’d pushed for them to marry sooner? Those questions don’t have answers. She’s filling in the blanks in her mind. And terrified history will repeat itself.”

“It’s not only about Liv, is it?” Billie guessed.

Andi smiled. “No. I suspect some of it is about me, too.”

Billie nodded. “Do you still wonder about Fallon?”

“Sure. Don’t you ask questions about the people you’ve loved?”

“I don’t think I was ever in love before you, Andi.”

Andi sighed. “But you ask questions?”

“I guess I do.”

“Billie, you are the love of my life. You know that. Everything in my past led me to you. I don’t have regrets. None. I can’t erase what I shared with Fallon. I don’t want to. And sometimes that’s difficult for us both.”

“I know. I think some part of her hoped maybe one day you would leave Jake,” Billie said.

“We both waited for the other to say something—to admit there was more between us than a convenient affair, beyond just friends with benefits. Neither of us did. Then Riley showed up and everything changed for us all. It hurt Fallon when I left Jake after we’d broken up. She was angry with me.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“It’s the same question with no answer, Billie. What if she’d said something sooner? She’s afraid Riley will slip away.”

“Do you worry about that with me?”

“No,” Andi replied. “But I’m the one who let go, Billie—of Jake and Fallon. Do you worry about losing me?”

“No,” Billie said. “It’s a little strange if I think about it.”

“Why?”

“Oh, come on. I’m not exactly the poster girl for self-confidence.”

“I think you sell yourself short,” Andi said. “You can be a bit self-deprecating. We all have insecurities.”

“I don’t worry about losing you. I worry about hurting you. Like I did earlier.”

“That was my mirror, honey.”

“Maybe. Part of being in a marriage is recognizing your spouse’s worries and insecurities. I’m sorry,” Billie said.

Andi kissed Billie softly. “You don’t have a thing to apologize for. I know you would never hurt anyone intentionally.”

“I would never hurt you,” Billie said. “Are you honestly okay with the idea that Jacob might be the biological father of Riley and Fallon’s kids?”

“I am. It’s a mixed bag of emotions, even if it shouldn’t be. But yes, I am.”

Billie nodded.

“I need to ask you something, and I want you to answer me honestly,” Andi said.

“Okay?” Billie asked.

“How do you feel about it?”

“About what? About Jacob being their donor?”

“Yes.”

“Why would I care?” Billie asked.

“Billie, you’ve always wanted a family.”

“I have a family—a growing one.”

“You know what I mean.”

“If you mean me having a baby, some things aren’t meant to be,” Billie said.

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“Why not? You think some things are meant to be.”

“No. I think the road leads us to the places and people we need. That’s not the same,” Andi said.

“What does this have to do with the fact that I hoped I’d have kids?” Billie asked.

“Do you still want that?”

“I think we’re both past that point.”

“That wasn’t my question,” Andi said.

“There’s about to be a baby in the family,” Billie reminded Andi. “Probably more than one.”

“Billie.”

“I’ve accepted my role as Grandma Billie.”

Andi held Billie’s gaze.

“It’s a little weird; skipping the step that makes you someone’s grandmother,” Billie admitted.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Andi, we’ve talked about this. You don’t want more children.”

“You just said it yourself, there will be a baby in this house most days in a few months.”

“Not the same,” Billie said.

“No, it isn’t. That’s my point.”

“If things were different—if we were younger—yes, I probably would want to try,” Billie admitted.

Andi nodded.

“But we aren’t.”

“There are other options,” Andi said.

“Andi?”

“I won’t lie to you, Billie. Becoming a mother in my late forties isn’t something I considered. It isn’t my dream. I love you. I love you more than I can comprehend. And if that is your dream, I will move heaven and earth to make it happen.”

Andi’s profession shocked Billie. It took her a moment to catch her breath. She smiled, leaned close, and kissed Andi. “Thank you,” she said. “You can’t know how much that means to me. No. It isn’t my dream. I promise. I’ve made my peace with the dream of motherhood.”

Andi cupped Billie’s face. “I want you to be sure,” she said.

“I am.”

“Be sure,” Andi said. “Listen. I don’t want you to regret not trying in ten or twenty years. Don’t be afraid to tell me what you need. Promise me.”

“I promise,” Billie said. “I think you should make a date with Fallon.”

“Where did that come from?”

“It’s time, Andi. You don’t spend much alone time with Fallon these days. If she needs anyone to help steady her now, it’s you, not me, Ida, or Riley. You. You’re so close to Riley. Fallon feels she might tread on that relationship if she comes to you .”

“I’ll call her.”

Billie pulled Andi into her arms and closed her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, Billie.”