Page 24 of Last Call (Open Tab #5)
Chapter Five
Andi silently pondered Fallon’s fidgeting. Fallon spun the glass in her hand repeatedly; her gaze fixed on the table. “Fallon?”
Fallon snapped to attention. “Huh?”
“You said you wanted to talk to me,” Andi said. “But you haven’t said a word in ten minutes.”
“Sorry.”
“Do you feel like telling me what’s bothering you?”
“I’m not bothered ,” Fallon replied.
“What are you?”
Fallon huffed.
“Out with it,” Andi said.
“I feel useless.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Me. Being useless,” Fallon replied.
“You’re bored.”
“I’m…”
“You are. You’re bored. You need a project,” Andi observed.
“Maybe.”
“Fallon, what is it you need to talk about that you don’t want to tell me?” Andi asked.
“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. I wanted to talk to you about Jacob."
“Do you mean his offer to be the donor for you and Riley?”
“How do you feel about it?” Fallon asked.
“This is between you, Riley, and Jacob.”
“Not really.”
“Yes. Really. Jacob is an adult. This isn’t something I get a say about,” Andi said.
“Maybe that would be true if you weren’t my best friend—if you didn’t mean so much to Riley. It matters to me that you’re okay with it. You have to admit, it is a little weird.”
“Jacob loves you, Fallon, and he adores Riley and Owen. Maybe one day, he’ll decide he wants children of his own.
People’s needs and desires can change at times.
I don’t think Jacob craves fatherhood. He likes his freedom too much.
I know he considered becoming an anonymous donor.
I think helping you and Riley would mean a great deal to him. ”
“I asked how you feel about it.”
“I don’t know,” Andi admitted.
Fallon nodded.
“I don’t have any negative feelings about it,” Andi clarified.
“But it’s a little strange,” Fallon said. “Isn’t it? I’d be the parent of your grandchild.”
“You’re already the parent of my grandson.”
“It’s not the same thing, and you know it.”
“No, but it’s also not so different. Is it strange?” Andi asked rhetorically. “If I thought about it incessantly, I might find it a little strange . But it doesn’t feel wrong , if that’s what you’re asking. Does it to you?”
“No,” Fallon said. “It’s just—it’s the memories, you know? Of teaching him to ski and listening to his stories. Christ, Andi, I watched him grow up!”
“I know.”
“Riley says she’s open to possibilities. But I know she wants to accept Jacob’s offer.”
“Probably so,” Andi agreed.
“And a big part of me does, too. I mean, we’re already family.”
Andi smiled.
“But sometimes I think of that weekend,” Fallon admitted. “How excited he was that we came to see his work. The look on his face. He knew, Andi. He knew something was between us.”
“I’m sure he did. Jacob is perceptive.”
“And he was happy about it,” Fallon added. “And the truth is there were times when I thought about it—what it would be like if we were together.”
“We both did,” Andi said.
“And it’s a little—it’s Jacob!”
Andi chuckled.
“You’re laughing at me?”
“No. I understand. I’ve had the same thoughts.”
“Please tell me the truth,” Fallon requested.
“I’m okay with whatever you decide,” Andi said. “It won’t change how much I love any of you, present or future company.”
Fallon nodded.
“Were you hoping I’d tell you I’d prefer you made a different choice?” Andi asked.
“No.”
Andi pursed her lips.
“No,” Fallon said.
“Something else is on your mind.”
“I don’t want to overstep or betray a confidence.”
“I’ll walk out on a limb and guess this involves David.”
“We had a long talk on the drive from Connecticut,” Fallon said.
“He trusts you.”
“Yeah, and I don’t want to blow that.”
“Fallon, you need to let go of your guilt about what happened when I left Jake. Dave’s reaction was never about you .
I know you felt it was, but Dave was worried about what Becky’s parents would say and how that might affect their relationship.
I’m not condoning the way he treated me, or his father, for that matter.
But that was never your fault. I don’t expect you to tell me anything Dave shared with you. You can.”
Fallon took a deep breath. What Andi said was only partially true.
Dave didn’t blame Fallon for his parents’ breakup, but his reaction was about her relationship with Andi, just not in the way Andi thought.
Dave’s revelations about growing up with her as a constant presence in his mother’s life surprised Fallon.
It left her musing on how funny it was that people often didn’t take the time to cons ider their feelings until after something changed.
She had loved Andi for much longer than she’d admitted to herself, much less to Andi. And Fallon loved the boys.
Most people in Fallon’s life assumed her heartbreak over Olivia’s departure had stopped her from seeking another committed relationship. Fallon accepted their perspective as reality. It was easier than facing the truth. She didn’t want to sacrifice her time with Andi and the boys.
“Fallon?”
“I came here thinking I needed to talk to you about Jacob’s offer and about something I’m considering—a new business.”
“But?”
“I don’t think I can talk about either of those things honestly until I tell you the truth.”
“The truth?” Andi asked.
“Do you have any beer?”
“Not the kind that will send you to outer space, I’m afraid.”
Fallon chuckled.
“What do you need to tell me that requires alcohol?” Andi wondered.
“Dave told me a lot of things on our drive. Some of what he said surprised me. It probably shouldn’t have. It did. You’ve been my best friend my entire adult life.”
Andi smiled.
“The truth is, Andi, until I met Riley, there wasn’t anyone I wanted to spend time with more than you. And you know I love Billie. I like being with Pete and Dale, and I love giving Carol a hard time.”
“You don’t say?” Andi teased.
“But when I left the pub, I always chose to spend my time with you, when we could. It’s been different since Riley moved here.”
Andi nodded.
“Not just for me. For you, too. You spend more time with Riley than me!”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“Okay, you spend more time with Riley than you do with me.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t love spending time with you,” Andi said.
“Yeah, I know that. And I know when I need you—or if you need me, well, I know you’re my best friend.”
“Fallon, as much as I think I can decode your thinking, I’m a little lost here. What did Dave say that surprised you?”
“He told me that sometimes he didn’t like it when Jake came home.”
“It upended our lives. The older the kids got, the more that became true.”
“He said that, too—not in those words,” Fallon said. “He also said I was always there, and when Jake came home, I wasn’t.”
“We all missed you when you weren’t,” Andi hesitated, took a breath, and smiled, “Home,” she said.
“That’s why I need to talk to you about things—about Jacob becoming our donor, about Dave—but also to tell you the truth.”
“Fallon, you don’t need to tell me anything.”
“Yes. I do. I accepted our friendship for what it was, Andi. And I know what everyone thinks—that Liv broke my heart. She did. I think—if I’m honest—she isn’t the reason I never tried to have another relationship.”
Andi’s eyes closed.
“I don’t regret anything about our past. We both found someone who can give us what we need.
But the truth, Andi—the real truth— my truth is that I loved you long before we landed in your hotel room that night.
It’s not like I thought about it. I didn’t.
Maybe I avoided thinking about my feelings.
I loved being with you and the kids. I didn’t want anyone to interfere with our time together. ”
“I know.”
“You do?”
“I didn’t realize it back then,” Andi said. “I should have. Maybe I didn’t want to. I felt it, too.”
“I need to tell you because I need you to know that I love the boys as much as I ever did. I never thought of them as my kids, but I love them that way.”
Andi smiled softly. "Oh, Fallon, I know," she said, drawing in a deep breath.
Sometimes, life seemed to crawl forward at a snail's pace.
It was easy to become so engrossed in the mundane that one overlooked the gentle shifts in their world and within themselves.
Andi had fallen into that trap. She had forged a close bond with Fallon before Olivia settled into town.
Fallon enjoyed her time with Jacob and Dave, often weaving herself into Andi's life with outings and offers to help with yard work.
They were friends, and Andi loved that Fallon enjoyed spending time with her children.
After Olivia left Whiskey Springs, Fallon began spending more time with Andi.
Andi would drop by Murphy's for a bite while the boys were at school, seizing the opportunity to catch up with Carol and Ida.
She recalled a day when she ordered a glass of wine to calm her nerves and ease her guilt.
Jacob attended a young artists' class at the university in Burlington on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons.
Driving him there meant missing many of Dave's Little League practices and games.
Balancing the different interests and personalities of her two children was a delicate dance.
Arranging a ride for Dave to baseball was easy; he was friends with most of his teammates, and Andi knew their mothers would gladly help out.
Getting Jacob to Burlington proved to be more challenging.
She was sure Pete or Ida would be willing to take him if needed, but she was hesitant to impose. Her thoughts returned to that day:
“Why don’t we take turns?” Fallon suggested.
“Take turns?” Andi asked.
“Yeah. Turns. You know—you take Dave to baseball, and I’ll take Jacob to Burlington one day, then we’ll switch.”
“Fallon, you don’t need to take this on. Dave can get a ride.”
Fallon’s face scrunched disapprovingly. “I’m sure he can get a ride. But unless I’m misreading this, you’re worried about not being there to watch him play.”
Andi groaned.