Page 9 of Lady of Starfire (Lady of Darkness #5)

Talwyn

T he sound of the door at the top of the stairs opening drew Talwyn Semiria from her thoughts.

They kept her in her own area of the dungeons in Avonleya.

No other prisoners were in here, and as far she knew, there was only the cell she was currently sitting in.

There were no windows. She hadn’t seen the sky since Scarlett’s brother had escorted her to this cell.

She was given three meals, though, so she was able to gather the time of day based on the food given to her.

There was a small pallet of straw nearby that she tried to sleep on, but she found sleeping sitting up against the wall easier.

She’d eaten her midday meal a short time ago, which meant the person coming down the stairs was not a sentry with food.

She was getting a visitor. She assumed it was Azrael.

He was the only one that ever came to see her, although his visits were usually after the evening meal.

Something must be happening if he was coming to see her now.

She’d been down here a few days now. She didn’t really care. She was stuck waiting no matter where she was being housed. Her fate was out of her hands. She was just waiting for Scarlett to come and finish the job she’d started. But why hadn’t she yet?

She hadn’t healed from any of the injuries the queen had inflicted upon her, but she had been permitted to clean up at one point.

She suspected that was Azrael’s doing. They’d removed the nightstone shackles on her wrists while she’d scrubbed down with a rag and lukewarm water, but her ankle shackles had remained in place, which is why no healing had happened.

The shirastone shackles they used in the Fae Courts kept magic-wielders from accessing their gifts, but nightstone was different.

It was as though the stone drained her magic itself and kept it empty.

She couldn’t access her wind or earth magic, and she couldn’t shift into her wolf form.

As for her ability to shift energy, she hadn’t touched that magic since that day in the throne room.

That day she thought she’d killed Sorin.

She could feel her power slowly trickling out of her, though, and she knew that if they ever removed the shackles, her power would remain empty until she could refill her reserves with sleep and food over time.

It reminded her of Alaric’s power when he would latch it on to her and drain her magic.

She moved a bit, hissing at the burn when the shackles were jarred slightly.

Her skin was raw where they touched, and the wounds that encircled her wrists and ankles only got deeper when she moved too much.

As she expected, the Earth Prince stepped into view a moment later.

The sentry that had escorted him nodded before leaving him alone with her.

This had been a fight for him the first few times, but after that, the sentry left without a word.

The Avonleyan King must have given approval for Az to speak with her alone.

Azrael lowered to the stone floor like he did every time he came down here.

One knee was bent, his arm resting atop it while he leaned back on his other hand.

He wore brown pants and a sleeveless black tunic.

Fae Marks swirled along his deeply tanned arms. Earthy brown eyes dragged over her, his features tightening when he saw her wrists before he met her gaze.

“I will speak with Scarlett about the shackles.”

Talwyn nodded once in acknowledgment before she said, “You are early today.” Her voice was hoarse and raspy. That happened when you didn’t speak for hours on end.

“We are going to get Ashtine in a few hours,” he said. She lurched forward, cursing at the nightstone. Az scowled at her. “Sit back. You will injure yourself further.”

“You are bringing Ashtine back here? To Avonleya?” Talwyn asked, ignoring his command.

“That is the plan, yes.”

“Who is going to retrieve her? Briar?”

Azrael hesitated, a mannerism she had come to learn meant he was debating whether he could share this information with her.

And that? That hurt more than the damn nightstone encircling her wrists and ankles.

He had once been her Second. She had once been able to confide anything to him, and he had been able to do the same for her.

He had been her closest confidant, closer than Ashtine, and the fact that she could not be that for him anymore made her chest ache.

“In a way, Briar will be there, yes,” he finally answered.

She wanted to ask what that meant, but knew it would be pointless. If he could tell her more, he would have already.

“Is she safe right now?”

“No, but she will be soon.” He shifted closer to the cell bars.

“We leave this evening, but I do not know how long I will be gone. If all goes well, we will be back tomorrow. If it does not …” She nodded in understanding of what he was telling her as she carefully settled back against the wall.

“I will make sure someone comes down to check on you while I am gone.”

“They bring me three meals a day,” she said dryly.

“Outside of that.”

“I do not need anyone to waste their time on me,” she retorted.

“Is that what you think I do every day? Every time I come down here?” Az demanded.

Yes.

“No,” she replied, knowing that was what he wanted her to say.

Az tsked at her. “Do not lie to me, Talwyn. We are well past that.”

“Why do you?” she asked. She had meant to say it sharp and cold, but it came out soft and desperate.

“Why do I what?”

“You know what I am asking.” She was staring at the floor, scrubbing at a spot of dried blood with her bare toe.

“Yes, but I want you to say it out loud so you can hear how ridiculous you sound,” Azrael chided.

She looked up from the grimy floor to glare at him. “Why do you bother coming to see me every day?”

“Because someday you will not be behind these bars, Talwyn. And on that day, I want you to know that you are not alone, even if you think you deserve to be.”

“Scarlett will not let me out of here. And if she does, it will only be to kill me.”

“Scarlett will not be the one to let you out,” Azrael agreed, getting to his feet.

He was leaving already? He always stayed with her for at least an hour, sometimes longer.

She may be questioning why he came to see her every day, but that didn’t mean she didn’t like it.

She sure as shit didn’t deserve it, but his visits were keeping her sane.

She needed them, and deep down, she knew that was part of the reason he came to her every day.

“On the day you find yourself on the other side of these bars, I think you will discover you have never truly been alone. Not like you believe you are.”

She slowly got to her feet, moving carefully so that the shackles didn’t dig further into her skin. Her joints cracked as she uncoiled from the ground. The chains had enough give to let her move to a waste bucket and to get the food they brought to her.

“Spend your time preparing, Talwyn,” Azrael said.

“Preparing for what?”

“For how you wish to live on the other side of these bars.”

“You speak as if I have a future. Perhaps you should be the one preparing.”

“I am.”

Her lips pursed at what he was insinuating. “You will let me know how things went when you return?”

“I will report on Ashtine’s wellbeing,” he agreed.

The silence went on for the next several seconds before Azrael turned and began making his way to the stairs.

“Az,” Talwyn called out, stumbling forward a step.

He paused, looking back at her over his shoulder expectantly.

“Thank you. For coming to see me every day.” Azrael blinked at her. His only show of surprise. “Can you do something for me?”

“I can try,” he said with a nod for her to make her request as he turned to face her fully once more.

“In case you are wrong and I do not get to leave this cell, can you tell Ashtine thank you as well?”

“For?”

“For choosing me and asking nothing in return. Tell her …” Her voice caught in her throat, and it was at that moment she realized her face was wet. “Tell her I will find a way to repay her. Even if I must do so from the After.”

Azrael took a step back towards her. His hand moved as if he were going to reach for her before he dropped it again. “I will tell her.”

Talwyn pressed her lips together, feeling another tear fall. She’d wipe them away, but did not wish to move her wrists again. After being numb for so long, a part of her marveled at the fact that she was feeling anything at all.

“All is not lost, Talwyn,” Azrael said. And the way he spoke to her—a softness to his voice she rarely heard from him—it made the ache in her chest throb. Another feeling.

“You are wrong,” she whispered. “I had everything, and I lost it all. I cannot get it back.”

Azrael’s head tilted to the side. “No, you cannot.” She huffed a humorless laugh at his bluntness. “But you can decide how to do things differently if you are granted the possibility of doing so.”

“I do not know what that looks like.”

The corner of his lips tilted the smallest amount. Her mouth nearly fell open at his almost smile.

“Then I suppose the possibilities are endless.”

With that, he turned away from her again, and when he made it to the steps, he did not look back. She continued to stare at the stairwell long after she heard the door open and close at the top of the stairs.

Seeing as she was already standing, she took care of her needs and filled the tin cup with water from a pitcher they brought her with her meals before carefully lowering herself back to the floor. She held the cup between her palms, staring down at the still water within.

What if Azrael was right? What if she did find herself free on the other side of these bars? What if she was given that chance, despite not deserving it? What if she wasn’t alone? What if she’d just refused to let anyone get close enough to let her see that?

Spend your time preparing, Talwyn.

For so long her dreams and plans had revolved around revenge against the very kingdom she was now imprisoned in. She did not know how to dream about anything else.

But she had at one point in time.

Once upon a time she had dreamed of things other than vengeance. Back when being a queen had been the dream. When Eliné had been alive. When she hadn’t been at odds with Sorin.

She had lost everything, just like she’d said to Azrael.

And while she regretted losing all the good in her life—her Courts, Azrael’s loyalty, her people’s trust— she did not regret losing the things weighing her down.

That unyielding need for revenge. The sham of a relationship Tarek had convinced her she had.

The bitterness over Sorin. She had lost those things, too.

Ever since she had found herself in cells in Baylorin, she had been thinking about what she would have done differently.

How she had brought all this upon herself.

How she deserved to be held behind bars, to be stripped of her throne, to meet death at the hand of Scarlett Aditya.

It didn’t seem to matter what she did anymore.

She fucked it up or made things worse in the end.

She hadn’t thought of anything else because what was the godsdamn point?

What was the point when there was nothing left to believe in?

Spend your time preparing, Talwyn.

But what if Azrael was right?

That question scared her more than the idea of death.

Nothing would look the same if she was given a mercy she was unworthy of.

Nothing would be the same. She did not know how she would find her way in that new world.

A world without millions looking to her to lead them.

A world without shouldering expectations placed on her since she had entered this world. A world without the need for revenge.

She would carry the weight of her failures, yes, but what would it look like to just …

live? To be able to be there for Ashtine, not as her queen but as her friend, as she should have done from the very beginning.

To be able to enjoy the rain when it fell.

To be able to see the beauty in the mountains and the waves of the sea instead of constantly worrying about the kingdom beyond them.

To work beside the people she had once ruled over, to live beside them, to be one of them. To not be as alone as she felt.

What would it look like to dare to dream again?

Spend your time preparing, Talwyn.

And for the first time since that throne room, instead of thinking about what she would do differently if she could go back in time, she started planning what she would do if she was given the chance to atone in some way other than death.