Page 16 of Lady of Starfire (Lady of Darkness #5)

“Reckless is my middle name,” she said with a wry grin, but it slipped from her face just as quickly. “I wish it hadn’t rubbed off on you quite so much. But perhaps … Perhaps Windonelle will need a little recklessness on the throne when this is all said and done.”

“And what am I to do back here? Sit on my ass until you decide I am ready to go back?”

“No, Callan. Build a rapport with Hale. Teach him about our continent. Teach him about his kingdom, your kingdom. Share your plans. See what he envisions.” She shrugged. “You’re a king, so be one.”

She turned and headed back down the hall, now even later than she was before. Callan fell into step beside her, and she snuck a quick glance up at him. He seemed to be thinking through some thing, and when he tried to sneak a glance at her, she held his gaze. “Yes?” she asked, a brow arching.

“I—”

But he was interrupted by Kailia, who appeared when they rounded the corner. Scarlett and Callan both paused at the Avonleyan Queen’s sudden appearance.

“The others are growing concerned,” she said, amber eyes studying them. Her bow was over her shoulder, her black dress flowing around her ankles, and her feet were bare as always.

“I know. I’m late,” Scarlett sighed.

“You are,” she agreed. “May I speak with you briefly?”

“As was already stated, I am late.”

“It will not take long.”

Her gaze flicked to Callan. “I can let the others know you are on your way,” he said, glancing down at Scarlett in question.

She sighed again, waving him off with a hand. “Fine.”

When he was out of sight, Kailia moved a few steps closer, ashy footprints left in her wake. “You are upset with Cethin.”

“Yes,” Scarlett answered, watching the female warily.

“Why?” she asked, her head tilting and black hair slipping over a shoulder.

“Because he did not tell me everything he knew.”

“Did you tell him everything you know?”

“That is not the point,” Scarlett said incredulously. “I am the one being asked to find the lock and … He is not the one being tasked with nearly impossible feats.”

“Tell me, your Majesty, when you keep things from those you love, why do you do so?”

“No,” Scarlett gritted out. “You will not turn this around on me. He should have told me.”

“Will Sorin feel the same when you tell him what you have learned?”

“How do you feel about it?” Scarlett countered.

“Cethin has already made arrangements for us. You would do well to do the same,” Kailia said. “But Cethin is …upset that you are angry with him.”

“He should be,” she retorted.

“Know that the things he kept from you were to protect me. He would be annoyed to know I am speaking with you about this,” she continued, as though Scarlett hadn’t said anything.

“He is the farthest thing from perfect, but I believe you are discovering the burden of maintaining a balancing act. Lean too far towards your family, and your people suffer. Lean too far the other way, and your family suffers. He is trying to maintain that balance, Scarlett.”

Kailia disappeared amid smoke and ashes, and Scarlett pushed out a harsh breath, leaning against the wall.

She was tired. So godsdamn tired. She needed to sleep.

Her power was pushing at her being, aching to be used, but she had to keep it all locked up.

She had to save it all for when they went to trade for Cyrus and Neve, but there was so much thrumming beneath her skin.

The bit used to go to Shira Forest had done nothing to take the edge off after taking so much from Sorin.

She slid down along the wall, tipping her head back.

She knew she was late, but she just needed a moment to breathe.

One thing at a time. That’s what she needed to do. Focus on just one thing.

But that was becoming impossible. No matter how hard she tried to stay focused on one thing, other things kept demanding her attention.

Cethin. Callan. Kailia. It was piling up, and Kailia had been right.

She was trying to balance it all, but all she was doing was collapsing beneath the weight of it.

“Scarlett?”

The sound of his voice nearly made her sob.

She opened her eyes to find Sorin lowered to a crouch before her. His hand came out, brushing stray hair from her face. “Callan said you were speaking with Kailia.”

“I was.”

“Are you all right?”

“How do you do it, Sorin?” she asked, her chest tight as anxiety clamped down on her. “How do you balance everything and everyone that needs your attention?”

“You are doing it, Scarlett,” he answered gently, sympathy and understanding shining in his muted amber eyes. “You put one foot in front of the other. You prioritize. You delegate like you are by sending Luan and Rayner to get Ashtine.”

“It doesn’t feel like enough,” she whispered.

“It never feels like I am doing enough. I feel too inadequate to be ruling over so many. First it was two Courts. Now it is four. And now …” She paused, Sorin waiting patiently for her to gather her thoughts like he always did.

“I always said I was not the one for this. Not because I did not think I could do it—that was never truly the issue—but because I am too fearful of failing everyone.”

Sorin shifted, moving into the space beside her. He took her hand, lips grazing her knuckles, before he pressed her palm to his chest.

“Breathe, Love.” And she did. She took what felt like her first full breath since she’d returned from speaking with Saylah.

She could feel his heart beating steadily beneath her palm, her own breathing naturally falling into rhythm with his.

After a few moments, he said, “Scarlett, the moment you think you are doing enough? That is when you start to worry. The moment you stop feeling fearful of failing them? That is when you likely already are. Nothing about it is easy. This will not be the last time you will question everything you are and everything you are doing.” Fingers gently gripped her chin, turning her face to his.

“But remember, my love, you are never alone.”

He leaned forward, closing the distance between their mouths. Lips brushed against hers, and she wished they could simply go back to their rooms and hide from the world. “Cassius told me I was becoming wise, but he has never experienced your profound monologues,” she murmured.

Sorin huffed a laugh, leaning back and flicking her nose. Then he got to his feet, pulling her up with him. She started down the hall, but he tugged her back to him. His fingers brushed along her jaw. “Like the stars love the night, Scarlett.”

“All the way through the darkness,” she murmured back, pushing up onto her tiptoes to kiss him again. He interlaced their fingers, leading her down the hall. “Everyone is waiting?”

“They are,” he confirmed.

“I was trying to find Eliza, then ran into Callan. He plans to go with them.”

“That seems …foolish.”

“It likely is, but we came to a compromise of sorts. There will be several Fae with him, plus Razik. He is a king of the realm. We let Tava and Drake make their own choices. I suppose he deserves the same courtesy.”

“True. We will not always agree with the choices of other rulers,” he replied thoughtfully, pushing open a door and ushering her through. “Such a wise queen,” he teased.

“I would like it noted that I have been called wise twice in one day by two separate people.” Sorin snickered. “I would also like it noted,” she continued, ignoring him, “that I achieved the status of ‘wise queen’ in less than a year, while it took you centuries to become a wise old sage.”

She heard him muttering under his breath as she flitted away from him, making her way over to Eliza. The general saw her coming and broke away from the crowd to meet her off to the side.

“You look unwell,” Eliza said, grey eyes sizing her up.

“I am tired. That is all,” Scarlett replied with a smile she knew Eliza could see right through. “But I was trying to find you. To ask how you are.”

“Niara cleared me,” Eliza said defensively.

“I do not mean your wound, although I am glad to know you have recovered. I mean with, well, everything. Nakoa. Becoming Razik’s Source. All of it.”

Eliza adjusted a buckle across her chest. “I am …adjusting.”

“You are sure you have rested enough to be going? I am assuming Razik drew from you to fill his reserves for this mission.”

“He did, but as his Source, doesn’t it make more sense for me to go with him? If he drains his power while there, he will need me.”

Scarlett couldn’t argue with that. She just wanted some time with her friend. Such luxuries were clearly a thing of the past for the time being. “Callan told me he plans to go with you all to the continent.”

Eliza’s brows shot up. “He told you?”

“You knew?” Scarlett countered.

“He came to me earlier in the day. Asked if he could go with us. He assumed you’d fight him on it. I tried to tell him he was being an idiot, but he insisted.”

Scarlett sighed. “You will stay with him? Watch over him?”

“I’m not going to simply let him walk up to the Tyndell manor,” Eliza drawled.

“We are already late, and you are wasting more time,” called an irritated Azrael.

Scarlett wrapped Eliza in a tight hug. “Stay safe. When you return, I request an entire day without males, huddled beneath a blanket with chocolates and wine.”

“Who am I to deny a queen?” she replied, her embrace just as tight.

The females walked over to the others, Eliza moving to speak with Sorin. Scarlett’s attention fixed on Rayner. “Please try not to rip out anyone’s spleen unless I am around to witness such a thing.”

The Ash Rider’s lips twitched. “As you wish, your Majesty.”

She scowled at him. “Seriously. Stop that.” Her attention skipped to Azrael. “You good, Azzy?” It was the Earth Prince’s turn to scowl. Her taunting smirk fell from her face as she stepped closer to him. “Thank you. For taking the lead on this.”

“We will be in and out. Back by this time tomorrow,” he reassured her.

She nodded, stepping back to Sorin’s side at the same time she saw Razik break away from Cethin. She hadn’t spoken to her brother since returning from Shira Forest, and when their gazes met briefly, she quickly looked away.

One thing at a time. After this group left, her next focus was Cyrus. Then sleep. Then Cethin. Assuming nothing else came up in the meantime. But, at the rate things were going, that was unlikely.

Those leaving all gathered around Razik, who was taking them to Anahita’s Springs where Sawyer and Briar would meet them. The last person she locked gazes with before they disappeared was Callan.

It had not escaped her that he hadn’t sworn to return with the others. She knew in the depths of her being he would not step foot in Avonleya again, and she prayed to the gods she had not just let him go to his death.