Page 43 of Kyle (Gold Team #3)

“All done,” Anaya said and taped the last box closed.

There was something to be said about a thirty-two-year-old woman who had an apartment with nice furniture, nice sheets and towels, even nicer stoneware, but had not a damn thing that could be considered personal, save the hundreds of paperback books.

All of which Anaya had wrapped like they were priceless treasures.

No pictures on the walls, no framed photos, no picture albums.

And what it said was nothing good.

It served as a reminder Anaya’s life had been bleak and lonely. Two things it never should’ve been. Two things it would never be again.

We hadn’t discussed it, but for now we’d stay in the house Zane was renting for the team, and that was fine in the short-term.

But as soon as things settled, I was getting my woman a house, and after I planted her ass in it, I was taking it upon myself to give her everything she never had, and that included pictures on the walls—framed photos of us, her with the girls, me with the team, our friends’ kids .

And one day, our own.

I wanted her surrounded with family. Every day I wanted her to wake up and before she drank her first cup of coffee, to look around her house and know she was loved.

And that was happening soon.

“You want kids?”

Anaya jerked back and looked at me like I was crazy and I suppose the way I blurted out my question made me a little nuts. But what the hell? I had to go with it.

“Um…I think so. You?”

“I never wanted kids.” Anaya’s shock faded and sadness started to creep in. “I always thought they were cute but someone else’s cute, not mine. Thought they’d be a burden and I like my freedom. But that was also based on the assumption I’d never have a wife. So things change.”

“You never thought you’d have a wife?”

Damn, she was cute when her face contorted in disbelief.

“Nope. Never thought I’d want to be tied down.

But that was before I met you. Never felt an inkling of what my friends had described as love—until I met you.

Never had a burning desire to be close to a woman—until you.

Never pictured myself with a family—until you came into my life.

So, no, I never wanted kids—until I fell in love with you.

But now, I have to tell you, I want them.

I’m not saying tomorrow or even this year, but yes, Anaya, I want children.

So I need to know if that’s something you want, too. ”

“I never had a mom,” she whispered, and the sadness I heard nearly brought me to my knees.

“Know that, sweetheart.”

“What if I’m not a good one?”

Damn, that was a direct hit center mass and the bitter it left in my mouth tasted like shit. There was no reason for as sweet and strong as Anaya was to doubt herself. About anything—ever .

“Come here, sweetheart.”

Anaya remained frozen, and when I stepped closer, she put her hand up. “I’m being serious.”

“I know you are. And I can understand why you’d ask.” I reached out, grabbed her hand, and tugged her to my chest. “You’re gonna be a great mom.”

“How can you say that? Not only did I not have a mom, I didn’t even have an aunt or a grandmother to show me. Like you, I never considered kids. I mean, what if I can’t connect with them?”

“Sweetheart, I get it. I really do, but straight up, you have nothing to worry about. When the time comes, you’re gonna be a great mom.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“That’s not good enough,” she huffed.

I didn’t want to bring her past up, I really didn’t want to talk about it while we were talking about our future.

I wanted Anaya to move on and not dwell on everything that had happened to her.

In the two weeks since she’d agreed to move to Maryland with me, she’d opened herself up to the team and had reached out to all of the women—not just Tatiana and Emerson.

Olivia, Violet, Ivy, Erin, and Jasmin had pulled Anaya into their tight group as well.

All eight of the women got together to do whatever women did when they were together on more than one occasion.

I didn’t give the first fuck what they did when they went out, what I cared about was every time Anaya came home or stopped by the office, she was smiling and happy.

She laughed a lot, she hugged them goodbye, she played with Jasmin and Linc’s twins, she rocked and cooed Eric and Mason.

My woman was happy, she had connected, and she was free.

What I didn’t want to do, was bring up the fucked-up shit that had been done to her in an effort to convince her she’d be a good mom.

“Anaya, sweetheart, the life you had tells me you’re gonna be a good one.”

“But—”

“Didn’t want to bring this up, didn’t wanna remind you or talk about it, and after this we’re going back to moving forward and leaving the past where it belongs—in the fucking past. If anyone understands the importance of the role a mother plays in a child’s life, it’s you.

If anyone knows what it feels like to be uncared for, it’s you.

If anyone knows what it is like not to have a mama to love them, cuddle them, kiss them goodnight, it is you.

You knowing all of that, living the life you did, going through what you did, and you being the type of woman I know you are—and I know it down to my bones—you’ll bust your ass to make sure your child never feels a moment of what you did. That’s how I know.”

Tears had formed in Anaya’s eyes and I felt each one as they rolled down her cheek and ricocheted through my chest—another direct hit. This one straight to my heart.

“Anaya, you are strong and brave and can do anything you put your mind to. Any damn thing. Believe that. You may’ve missed it, but you’re tight with your girls.

You’ve connected with them and with my team.

They all love and care about you and that has nothing to do with you being my woman and everything to do with you just being you.

You have a heart of gold and one day, you’re gonna pass all of that, all of who you are, on to our kids. ”

“Thank you.”

“For what? Telling you the truth.”

“Well, yes, but also for always reassuring me and reminding me when I forget I’m supposed to be fearless.”

“It is no hardship standing by your side. It is an honor and there’s no place I’d rather be.

I’ll remind you every day until you remember on your own.

And, sweetheart, you aren’t ‘supposed’ to be fearless—you just are.

When I say you can do anything, Anaya, I mean anything.

It’s taken you only a month, a fuckin’ month, to shed your armor and shine.

One goddamn month. I’m beyond awestruck.

Beyond words to tell you how proud I am of you. ”

“Do you think everything is moving too fast?”

“Fuck no. Honest to God, swear I’m telling you the truth, I knew when you walked into the lobby of The Del, you were going to change my life.

I knew the second my eyes landed on you and my skin tingled with awareness that something big was gonna happen.

I knew it. And when we were in Australia and you stood tall and fierce in front of me telling me to stop treating you like you were broken, I knew I was falling in love with you.

Right then, with that steely look of determination, I knew with every fiber of my being that you were the woman I was going to spend my life with.

So, no, this isn’t moving too fast. As far as I’m concerned, we’re moving at a snail’s pace.

If I had my way, you’d have my ring on your finger and planning a wedding.

But I know you need time to adjust and—”

“I don’t need time.”

And there was that fierceness I loved so much.

The resolve and honesty.

“Then when we get home, I’ll set about making it so you have a wedding to plan. And just so you know, I don’t want to wait. I don’t want some long engagement. I also don’t care when and where. Rally your girls, set it up, and tell me where I’m supposed to show up.”

“You don’t care when and where?”

There was that cute scrunch of her nose again. The one that never failed to make me want to kiss the ever-loving hell out of her.

“Okay, I’ll amend. I don’t care when, as long as it’s soon.

I don’t care where as long as it is exactly what you want.

You’ve given me something I never dreamed I’d have because I didn’t know to dream for it.

I didn’t know you were out there wandering around.

And I sure as fuck didn’t know that all this time, I was waiting for you.

But I was, and now that I know, I don’t want to wait any longer because I’ve already waited thirty-two years for you.

” Anaya nodded, streams of tears now flowing. “Baby, you’re killing me.”

My hands moved from her waist to her cheeks and I swiped the wetness away.

“They’re happy tears, Kyle,” she whispered, her eyes still brimming with tears.

“And just so you know, I was thinking the same thing. Only I was thinking how lucky I was. How I never thought about the future or what it would look like because there was nothing worth looking forward to. Then I met you. Then I fell in love with you. And now, I want things I never dared to think about, and one of those things is kids. Because for me to have a family it would mean I’d have to find a man, and I never thought that would happen.

I wasn’t looking for you, Kyle. I wasn’t looking for a future or love or even friends.

I was content living behind the walls I’d reinforced and I stopped noticing the loneliness.

Then you made me see myself differently and suddenly and it happened quickly.

I didn’t want to live like I was. I wanted to invite you in, I wanted you to want to stay awhile, I wanted everything I never thought I’d have and I only want it with you.

“You said it took me a month to shed my armor but you’re wrong, I didn’t shed it, honey, you demolished it. You tore it to shreds and you did it on an airplane by just holding my hand.”