Page 7 of Knot Her Cowboys (Big Sky Omegas #2)

M organ set a mug down next to my head. “Sleep okay?”

I offered a pathetic grumble in response, staring up at the sky and tree canopy from where I was sprawled on my sister’s lawn.

A woven crown of bluebells and bee balm flowers I’d picked from the roadside earlier this morning sat on my chest, a birthday tradition for Riley I’d never been able to stop myself from repeating.

“That good, huh?”

I sat up with a sigh, scooping the mug to chug down the coffee Morgan had brought me. Riley’s birthday always fucked me up in unique ways. Acceptance, guilt, and longing filled me up. It was a potent concoction that punched me in the face every time I thought of her.

I couldn’t regret having stayed behind, not now that my sister was safe and happy.

Leaving would’ve put her fully at the mercy of our family, and at least if I was around I could be a buffer, a shield from the worst of it.

The guilt would’ve eaten me alive if I had chased Riley across the country, knowing I had left Morgan alone in that viper pit.

If Riley hadn’t gone no contact with everyone from home, I’d be with her right now. Once Morgan had gotten old enough to move out and go to college, I could’ve followed Riley, except I had no way to do so.

I’d been stuck in limbo ever since.

“I miss her,” Morgan said softly.

“Me too.”

She looked at me with far too much guilt in her eyes, the same as she always did knowing she was why I hadn’t chased after the love of my life. “I’m sor?—”

“Don’t. You know I’ll never regret being there for you.”

“I know, I just…”

“Hey.” I yanked her into a hug. “If I could go back, I would do the same thing, even knowing this is how it turns out.”

“You really are the best brother. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” Morgan sighed, leaning against me in a sliver of sunlight that snaked through the trees. “I wish she had come home.”

“I keep hoping she will one day. I wouldn’t even care if it was fifty years from now. If all I got with her was a single day, I would take it.”

The click-clack of paws racing down stairs gave me only about two seconds of warning before Pumpkin and Muffin launched themselves at us. I held my cup aloft as Morgan’s Rottweiler, Muffin, crashed against my back, doing her best to lick my nostrils clean while she wriggled around.

Pumpkin, their Chesapeake Bay retriever, sprawled across Morgan’s lap, legs in the air and tail swishing while Morgan scratched her belly. I snatched up Muffin and dragged her onto my lap, where she quickly settled, panting happily, tail wagging up a storm.

“Good morning to you, too,” I said with a laugh.

Muffin stared up at me with adoration, coaxing me with her eternal puppy eyes to plant a kiss on her forehead, which prompted her pleased rumble.

“Muffin, do you love Uncle Cooper?”

Her tongue lolled out, ready to sweep over my face with the slightest provocation.

“Pretty sure that means yes.” Morgan beamed. “We’re going for a hike after breakfast. Did you want to join us or would you prefer to mope?”

“Moping is my specialty, but I guess it would be healthier to choose the hike.”

“I won’t think any less of you if you’d rather blast sad songs and lie on the floor.”

I sighed, using the rhythmic motion of petting Muffin to collect my thoughts. “I’ll come with you.”

“Breakfast is ready,” Maverick called down.

My sister’s pack were good men who treated her like a fucking queen.

They had worked their way onto my short list of favorite people after saving her life and then proving daily how much they loved Morgan.

The only times I remembered her being happy growing up were either before Mom died, or when she was out with Cash, Riley, and me. She deserved overflowing happiness.

A sharp whistle had the dogs rocketing off us and racing back, presumably for their own breakfast. Bear waved to us from the porch, both dogs leaping excitedly around him.

Kit and Ryder were laying out pans of eggs and bacon alongside baskets of toast on the dining room table when we got inside.

I gave them a friendly nod of acknowledgment and parked my ass in a chair. Muffin and Pumpkin shoved their heads onto my lap, knowing I was the weakest link. With a sigh, I split a strip of bacon and gave each of them half.

“I would say they get spoiled when you’re here,” said Kit with a smile, “but they’re far too used to treats.”

They discussed the rest of their day: a troop of Girl Scouts coming in the afternoon for a couple of hours to learn about local plants, followed by a three-session photography client who wanted to hit golden hour, sunset, and sunrise.

“You’re sure you wouldn’t rather me get out of your hair?”

“You’ll be fine. We’re outside for all of those things,” Morgan said.

“I’ll hide out in the bunkhouse so I don’t accidentally spook the kiddos,” I offered.

They had done a gorgeous job with the new bunkhouse since inside the lodge had converted the usual guest space to an omega-only section.

I had the whole thing to myself, and took full advantage of the living room, mostly ignoring the kitchen since Morgan’s pack insisted on feeding me at all hours.

The hike did make me feel a little better, but it couldn’t stop my brain from swerving into thoughts of Riley every two seconds. She’d been gone for so long. Would I even recognize her anymore? Would she recognize me if we crossed paths by chance?

Was she happy? Thriving? She had always talked about opening a restaurant when we were kids, and every so often I scoured the listings of new places opening in New York just on the off chance I might see her name attached, but no luck so far.

Was that still something she wanted?

I wish I knew. Even if we weren’t together, I still considered her my best friend alongside my pack no matter how many years had passed. I hated not knowing if she was okay.

“Muffin,” Morgan called, settling on her knees for the Rottie to press up against her.

We all paused, Morgan’s pack forming a protective ring around her.

She still got the odd flare of panic from when she had almost died out here, though they were blessedly less frequent than they used to be.

Thankfully the bastard responsible was incarcerated for the rest of fucking forever.

If he weren’t, I was pretty confident he’d have met with an “accident” by now.

Even though I hated Morgan carrying that trauma, it was reassuring to see how well her pack took care of her whenever it reared up.

It made the loss of Riley easier to bear.

I knew it was self-centered to consider that Morgan might have never been in a position to find her pack without me being a roadblock to the countless people who seemed comfortable with hurting her while she was growing up, but I thought it all the same.

The same asshole who had almost killed her had been trying to date her since high school, and who was to say she wouldn’t have given in to his pursuit just to get the fuck away from our family sooner?

I had to get my comfort where I could, even if it came from far-fetched what-ifs.

Morgan was only down about five minutes before she was ready to resume, though our pace was slower and we turned back to the lodge early. Muffin walked with her head under Morgan’s hand, and Bear kept his arm around her waist to steady her.

Kit fell into step next to me. “How are you doing?”

Morgan had updated all of them on my ritual of spending Riley’s birthday with her, and I was constantly relieved they didn’t think I was a weirdo for it. At least, not that they’d ever expressed outwardly.

“Getting by,” I replied.

“Have you ever wondered if Riley was your scent match?” Kit asked.

“Once or twice, but she never presented before she left, so I’ll never know.”

“She’s been gone for over a decade and you’re still just as in love with her. I feel like your soul recognized her from the start.” Kit frowned. “I’m sorry. That probably doesn’t make it any better.”

“My soul recognized something . Scent match or not, I’m pretty confident she’s the only one I’ll ever love.” I shrugged, my throat suddenly tight. “I try not to get too down about that thought. If my pack ever finds someone, I’ll probably have to leave.”

“You wouldn’t give yourself a chance at new love?”

“I don’t know if I could. When it comes to Riley, nothing is hyperbole. When I tell you I’m still obsessed with her, it’s not an exaggeration. I wouldn’t want anyone to compete with a ghost. That’s not fair.”

“If she is your scent match, then I’d like to believe fate would do something about that eventually. If you’re meant to be, nothing can stop it.”

“Except if she doesn’t want me.”

“I’m sure she did what she did to protect herself, not because she didn’t love you.”

“You didn’t know her, though.”

“No,” Kit conceded, “but I’ve heard you, Morgan, and Cash talk about her, and I feel like it’s given me an idea of her character. There was a lot of love in your circle.”

I didn’t dare cling to the hope that fate would do a fucking thing. I meant what I said—even a single day with her would be better than none—but twelve years was a long time. I no longer had faith that she thought the same about me. She’d have come back if she did, wouldn’t she?

Pumpkin tried to hand me a slobbery stick, dragging me out of the start of my spiral, and I tossed it for her, watching her sprint down the trail and back up again.

I let her distract me the rest of the walk back to the lodge, Kit walking quietly next to me, a silent support.

I tucked myself away in the bunkhouse before the kids arrived, sprawling out on my bed to stare at the ceiling and contemplate my life.

Just one glimpse.

Was that asking too much of the universe?

I rolled over, willing myself to fall asleep. At least in my dreams I would get to see her again.