Page 20 of Knot Her Cowboys (Big Sky Omegas #2)

I had expected Riley and Cash to hole up in the big house after bonding, but she was bound and determined not to let it dictate her life. That was how she ended up rhythmically brushing one of our sweet Palominos, Tater Tot.

It wasn’t an official therapy session, but it was easy to see that being around the horses relaxed her. Cash perched on the fence, watching us. He was out of earshot of whispers, but close enough that Riley was unlikely to be agitated by the distance.

“How are you feeling?” I asked.

“Queasy from the suppressants being such a high dose, but definitely more in control.”

I nodded thoughtfully, standing close without crowding her. We had only ever gotten Cooper and Cash’s side of the story, and I was eager to dig out the details we didn’t have. “Cash told us we should be on the lookout for the Deckers.”

Her shoulders hunched up by her ears, slowly lowering as she brushed more of Tater Tot’s shining coat. “Makes me nervous, being back.”

“Is there anything in particular you’re worried about?”

“I don’t really know. I thought I would feel better when my mom died, but I can’t even make myself believe it happened.”

“How do you mean?”

Riley sighed, the brush pausing for a moment before she resumed. “I found out she passed from a friend of hers who reached out to my university. They forwarded the email. No one here could get in contact with me after my first year, and I didn’t trust it…”

“Why not?”

“Let me just say that I wouldn’t put it past Darlene Fletcher to fake her own death to fuck with me.”

I grimaced. “Sounds like a peach.”

“Oh, she was a treat. One of the things that spooked me into going no contact was an email I got from Cooper about a month after I left. We had still been in regular contact, but the wording in that email wasn’t him.

He told me to come home, that my mom needed me and was going to die if I didn’t.

Cooper would never tell me to come home for her. ”

“Do you think his email was hacked?” I asked, pieces slowly falling into place.

“Well, I know he wouldn’t have let her use it himself.

One of the guys my mom was fucking when I left had a smarty-pants son, and Cooper wasn’t the most tech-savvy.

I doubt it would’ve taken much to get access to his account.

I got messages not long after from Cash and Morgan too, same deal.

I thought about blocking the emails, but I couldn’t, so I started to just avoid it.

None of them had cell phones I could call or text—Cooper and Morgan because of cost, and Cash because his mom was in the no-phones-until-you’re-eighteen mom club—and the service was nonexistent at the best of times, so there wasn’t much to be done.

I couldn’t reach out in a way that I was sure wouldn’t be monitored by Darlene.

” Riley groaned, laying her cheek on Tater Tot’s back.

“I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t stand the idea that Darlene might be reading the emails.

I did try to call Cash’s house, but his parents never remember to clear their voicemail and I never heard back, so I left it at that. ”

“You were protecting your peace. It wasn’t ideal for Cooper and Cash, but I completely understand that if you thought their accounts were compromised, there wouldn’t have been a safe way to reach out and tell them.”

“It got easier to bury it than to deal with it. I did—” She swallowed hard. “I did try, went to therapy on campus, and it helped with some things, but not with that. I hated being so paranoid.”

“Paranoia tends to be unfounded, though,” I pointed out, carefully keeping my body language neutral while I combed out Tater Tot’s forelock. “Cooper has a very particular way he speaks, and if you’re sure he would never tell you to come home for your mother, then it’s not an unfounded concern.”

She moved slowly around to the other side of Tater Tot, keeping her hand on his body so he always knew where she was. “Sometimes I wondered if she had done that just to poke holes in things with Cooper and me.”

“What purpose do you think that would’ve served?”

“She hated Cooper.” Riley let out a bitter laugh.

“She hated that I had somewhere to go, hated that he never hesitated for a fucking second to call her on her bullshit when he was around to hear it. Also really fucked up her plans to marry me off to someone from the compound so she could worm her way back in, ingratiate herself into Big Daddy’s bed.

We had so many fights about Cooper, and short of tying me to the fence, which she did do a couple of times, she could never keep us apart. ”

Fucking hell. No wonder she was twitchy.

“Do you think it would help to look up your mother’s obituary? Might be a little morbid, but printing it off and keeping it in your wallet would help remind your survival instincts that she’s gone.”

“There isn’t one,” she said quietly. “I’ve looked. I never put one up for her, and I couldn’t name a single person who would go through the trouble to do it themselves on her behalf.”

“Maybe a death certificate, then? I could go to the county offices for you.”

She stared over at me, dark eyes shiny. “You would do that for me?”

“I need you to feel safe. If knowing an abuser is gone will help, I’d drive across the country for that.”

Cash caught my attention over Riley’s shoulder, signing out a quick question. “Everything okay?”

We had all been more diligent in learning sign language since Morgan had bonded into a pack with an alpha who primarily relied on it to communicate.

I offered a nod, keeping most of my focus on Riley. “I’d say I could go now, but the offices would be closed by the time I got there.”

“Can I come too?”

“Of course you can. Why don’t we plan for tomorrow morning?”

“Tomorrow works. I feel like a dick being excited for proof that my mom is dead.”

“Familial care has to go both directions,” I explained quietly.

“The bond with family may always exist, but if it’s not nurtured, I’m of the mind that caring for the self is more important.

It takes a lot for a child to go no contact, let alone to be grateful for the death of a parent.

A truly extensive amount of abuse has to occur.

I don’t blame you for needing the peace her death will bring. ”

Cash air-motioned a hug behind Riley and I stepped subtly closer. That was all it took for her to turn from Tater Tot to me, sinking into my arms.

“It makes me feel so fucked up to hate her.” Riley shuddered, planting her forehead against my chest.

“You’re not,” I promised. “Abuse alters your brain and body, often with damage that can last a lifetime. Our goal is to mitigate that damage.”

“The pile of fucked-up things I have to sort through might be too big.” She sighed. “Sometimes I feel like I’m a cabinet where all the dishes have tipped over and I’m just desperately holding the door closed so they don’t crash to the floor and destroy everything I’ve built.”

I purred softly, sorting through her confession. “That’s actually a really good analogy for healing, though.”

“It is?”

“Consider this: If you never open that door, you can never use that cabinet again. It’s something you’ll spend your whole life trying to keep shut, assuming it will prevent a mess.

But the thing is, if you open it up, sure you’ll lose some of the dishes, but I bet you’ll catch more than you think.

You can put them back safely, and start the cleanup on everything that breaks. ”

“So I should fling open all my fucked-up insides even if the dishes are gonna slice me to ribbons?”

Her question was muffled against my chest. She felt so perfect in my arms. Maybe it would be a long and messy journey, but if she was open to help, I was open to assisting.

“The counterintuitive thing about healing is that it can often be as painful as what caused the injury. I’m not going to make any claims that it will be easy or pain-free, but I’d really like you to be able to use that cabinet again one day.”

Riley burrowed harder against me. “Why are you so good at this?”

“I am a therapist. Kind of comes with the territory.”

An omega squeak of distress snuck out. “ Cashy .”

Cash trotted right over like a summoned pup, trapping Riley between us. “Better?”

She nodded, purring up a storm as she stood in silence.

Tater Tot whacked her in the arm with his nose, perturbed that he wasn’t getting the same amount of fuss.

“Oh my goodness,” Riley said with a laugh, turning to the horse. “Five seconds of no attention? You’re gonna wither away to nothing.”

Riley extracted herself from our arms and kissed her way from his nose to forehead, Tater Tot lowering his head successively with each kiss so she could reach.

“You know, I think he might like you.” Cash chuckled.

“Because he’s the best boy.” Forehead to forehead with Tater Tot, Riley rested, our sweet therapy horse more than content with his head hug. “I can’t decide if this would be easier or harder if Cash and I hadn’t bonded.”

“Care to elaborate?” I asked.

“I obviously still wouldn’t be going to Germany either way, but I might’ve already bolted. Running always feels safer than sticking around.”

“That’s understandable, though. Is there anything in particular we can do to help you feel safer here?”

“Fuck if I know. Shotgun perimeter?”

The suggestion caught me off guard and I let out a laugh. “We probably have enough on the property we could if you really wanted. Everything is fenced for the horses, we have a gate to get in that’s closed overnight, and a couple dozen trail cams are scattered over the property.”

“Security system on the house?”

“Not one that’s often used, but it’s there,” said Cash.

“Would you feel better if we started using it regularly?” I asked.

“Probably.” She stroked her hands down Tater Tot’s neck. “Need a nice guard horse.”

“Tater Tot won’t help you there,” I told her. “You’d want Grizzy for that.”

“Grizzy?”

“Griselda is our rescued mule. She’s retired now, but still feisty.”

“Can I go meet her?”

“Of course.”

Riley slipped one hand into Cash’s and the other into mine, looking at me expectantly. My heart sped up. Her face was still pink and blotchy from dumping out her emotions, but she was gorgeous and sweet, holding back her trauma with both hands.

I grabbed a handful of nuggets and we slipped out of the gate, leaving Tater Tot looking imploringly after us. I guided Riley around to the front paddock, where the mule we were seeking stood beneath a tree, drinking from the water trough.

“Grizzy girl!”

Her head popped up, ears swiveling to listen. Once she realized it was us, she came trotting over, lipping at my shirt in case I had a hidden treat. Her gorgeous bay coat shone in the sun, the white star on her forehead partially hidden by a black forelock.

“Here you go, Grizzy.” I plucked a nugget treat out of my pocket and offered it to her, my hand flat. She inhaled it, immediately looking for more and I passed a couple to Riley. “She’s easily bought by a pretty girl with treats.”

“Well, let me get buying, then.” Riley grinned, offering Grizzy three treats in quick succession. “She’s gorgeous.”

Riley got in some strokes down her neck and flank before Grizzy laid her head over Riley’s back, flattening her against the fence with a yelp from our omega.

“You’ve been chosen.” Cash laughed. “Now you have to pet her until she’s tired of you.”

“Oh noooo.” Riley giggled, fingers gliding over Grizzy’s smooth hair. “I will never survive.”

Her energy was so light when she was with our animals, and I hoped a little bit because she was with us too. I couldn’t do anything about the ghosts of her past living a couple of hours away, but we could do our best to make this place safe.

Once Grizzy released Riley, Cash dipped down to kiss our omega, her scent erupting in a thick cloud.

“We should get you showered if you’re all done with the animals,” he said. “Any dinner requests for your birthday?”

My stomach dropped. “When’s your birthday?”

“Today,” replied Riley lightly.

“Cash, what the fuck? Why wouldn’t you tell us it was her birthday?”

Grizzy nipped his hat off his head, as if she knew exactly where to point her displeasure on my behalf.

“Hey!”

While Cash fought with our recalcitrant mule, I turned to Riley. “Happy birthday. I’m sorry I didn’t know.”

She shrugged. “It’s cool. Not like I’m running around with a birthday hat and sash.”

“That’s my fault.”

We all spun around to see Cooper marching toward us, his hair looking freshly cut, several giant bakery boxes balanced on one hand and a flower crown in the other that he set atop Riley’s head.

Apparently the crashout was over.