Page 75 of Kill Your Darlings

Finn started laughing.“That’s the funniest thing I ever heard.”

“No, but seriously.It turned out that I was much better at looking at the big picture and explaining why something worked or didn’t work.Analysis and advice.Those are my strengths.”

“They’re a couple of your strengths, for sure.”

“Oh, I’m also insightful.I get that a lot.”

He winced.

I chuckled, sipped my tea.

“Did Milo also want to be a writer?”

“No.His plan was to attend college on football scholarships and then go into acting.Like Mark Harmon.Mark Harmon was his idol.”

Finn nodded, swallowed his coffee.He continued to regard me in that meditative way.

I admitted, “I don’t know what the attraction was for him because I wasn’t—he was super popular and I was…not.It didn’t help that my father was the sheriff and so everyone automatically assumed I was a snitch.I was socially backward and—” I made a face “—had a face like a skull.”

“Thehell,” Finn said, and he actually sounded angry.

My smile was rueful.“It’s okay.I wasn’t a cute kid.I was never handsome.I was tall and thin and I had eyes like a tarsier.But I was smart and hard-working.I graduated with honors.I got into my college of choice.I excelled in my chosen career.”I shrugged.“I didn’t need handsome.”

Finn said, “I think you’re the most handsome, elegant man I ever met.You have the sexiest mouth and the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen on a human.”

It was probably all the meds still floating around in my system, but Finn said it with such fierce sincerity that it made my throat lock, made my face quiver.

I managed to joke, “You should hear what my fellow primates say!”

Finn shook his head, not even entertaining the idea.

That instant if unnecessary defense?It was ridiculously meaningful.We didn’t talk to each other like that.We didn’t pay each other extravagant compliments or say romantic, flowery things.In fact, I loved how light and breezy our relationship was.We teased each other, joked and bantered, we laughed a lot.I’d known right away that Finn found me attractive and that he preferred spending time with me.And it was the same for me.That we didn’t have to say it made it, in my eyes, more special, like we shared a secret language.Like Nick and Nora Charles in theThin Manmovies—only gay and with Oxford commas.

(And amiable debates about the number of gun battles one could reasonably have per book.)

Finn growled, “Okay.Tell me more about this asshole who dragged you into his quagmire and then left you to hold the bag.”

I blinked at that particular description.“I don’t think he did it deliberately.”

“Maybe not.What else can you tell me about him?”

“His family was Greek.They owned a little Greek restaurant.Very exotic for Steeple Hill at the time.Everybody in the family worked there.His parents and grandparents were very conservative.Church every Sunday.I think his grandparents went on Saturday as well.Milo’s older brother, Geo, went to jail for a couple of months for stealing a car and a decade later the family still whispered any time the subject came up.”

“Milo was closeted,” Finn deduced from that jumble of information.

I nodded.

“And you were closeted?”

“I was invisible.It didn’t matter what I was.The only person who noticed me was Milo.He was the first guy who ever kissed me.The first guy I ever fooled around with.”

I had loved him with all my lonely heart.Just the fact that he was willing to talk books with me was enough to make me love him.

Finn said, “What do you think Dominic was doing in the cemetery that night?”

I’m not sure why, in twenty-plus years, that particular question had never occurred to me.But it hadn’t.

My lips parted.It took me a moment to admit, “I don’t know.I guess he went looking for Milo.”