Page 36 of Kayla's List

“Baby, you are shaking. I know something isn’t right. We’re not eating here. We can eat anywhere,” Anderson responds with sincerity covering his handsome face.

His bright eyes study me before he kisses my cheek. I swoon at the scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body. His dark hair is shorter than he normally keeps it, but the new cut brings out his eyes and the sharp angles of his face even more than usual. The tailored dark grey suit and crisp white shirt he’s wearing show off his fit body in all the right ways.

Anderson looks so damn good tonight that I thought I could be distracted enough. However, that wasn’t the case. Now, I feel bad that we have to leave. Once the valet brings

his car around, he tips the young man and helps me into the passenger side. It’s quiet as he pulls away from the restaurant. We’ve spent almost every day together,and as much as I feel like I know him, I can’t get a read on his mood right now.

The last thing I want to do is go back to my self-blaming so I take a deep breath. Anderson deserves to know what’s going on with me. He’s earned the right with his consistency and patience.

“Where would you like to eat?” Anderson’s voice and face are held in a neutral expression. I may not know what he’s thinking, but he’s certainly hiding his emotions on purpose.

“Can we go somewhere to talk first? I want to explain,” I say, carefully watching his profile as he maneuvers through traffic.

“Sure, I know a place.” Anderson turns to me and smiles, and I relax just a little.

* * *

Anderson pullsup to his building, and I’m glad he brought me here. I haven’t been back to his place since the night we met. I think he was trying to keep me inside of my comfort zone. We hang out a lot. This is the most active I’ve been in my life. We’ve been to several restaurants around the city, museums, art galleries, hiking trails, and even an arcade.

The only intimate settings we’ve been to are the car rides to and from our dates and when Anderson walks me to my door. On the odd occasion, he has come inside my apartment for a drink. As soon as we start kissing and it gets hot, he leaves like his ass is on fire.

I know he’s as attracted to me as I am to him, but he’s holding back. I can’t say that I blame him, though. I can admit that I was afraid of Anderson. I felt an instant connection to him, but I was hurt. I’m still hurting, but I won’t let that stop me from seeing where this thing

between us can go.

Warren’s texts and calls became so frequent that I blocked his number. I don’t know what he wants from me, and I don’t care. He did his dirt, and I didn’t deserve the way he treated me. Nobody deserves to be lied to and cheated on.

When we walk into Anderson’s apartment, my anxiety comes back. I’m about to tell this man about my demons. I really like him, and I hope it doesn’t run him off, but if it does, he doesn’t deserve me anyway.

Be yourself. They will adjust.

“I’m surprised that you don’t live in the penthouse. I mean, you do have a private jet,” I say. It’s the first thing that comes to mind to break the awkward silence. But my statement comes out as judgy, and that’s not how I meant it.

“That didn’t come out—”

“I know what you meant,” Anderson interrupts me. He chuckles, and I dip my head in embarrassment. I still haven’t gotten used to my newfound outspokenness. I’m a little awkward at times, but at least I’m not holding everything in.

“The jet is a company asset, but this place is personal. I don’t think my investors would agree to pay for a penthouse for me no matter how much money I make them.”

Anderson leaves the room after I sit and goes to the kitchen and gets us drinks. He’s back entirely too soon when he places the glasses on the coffee table in front of me when he returns to the living room. I’ve stalled long enough.

I take a long sip of wine before I start my story. “Warren Barnett was my boyfriend. He took me to Three Forks, where he began to propose. He didn’t get to officially ask me because hisboyfriendinterrupted the proposal.”

“Damn,” Anderson breathes out, shaking his head. A deep frown covers his face before he takes a long drink of his whiskey.

“I know, right? Anyway, I thought I could trust Warren. I just wanted him to be my everything, but I was nothing to him.” I sigh and Anderson nods in understanding.

“I put my all into Warren because I felt like he was my only chance at having a real family. He even tried to convince me to stay with him after I learned that he was gay,” I say, shaking my head in disappointment.

“What. The. Fuck!” Anderson shakes his head.

“I know.” I shake my head. “I just wanted a family so bad, and he used that desire against me.”

Although neither of us have talked a lot about our childhoods, I told him about my parent’s accident. My time in foster care isn’t my favorite topic, but I have the distinct impression that Anderson’s family isn’t something he likes to talk about either. He’s only told me about going to boarding school, where he met Brady and Jason. He’s never mentioned his parents, and he doesn’t have any siblings.

“Kay, sometimes, family is whoyouchoose. It’s not always about blood relation. Believe me.”

“I’m learning that. Anyway, I’m sorry about dinner. Having flashbacks of a humiliating experience can be a bit traumatizing.”