Page 32

CHAPTER 32

No Thank You

KELLEN

Sunday, December 29

I t’s been two weeks since Lucy and I broke up.

After her last texts to me confirming the breakup on that day, she hasn’t responded to my messages. I guess I’d hoped that we’d continue our flirty banter and stolen kisses.

But now I’ve gotten the message.

Ava spent the night at my house on Christmas Eve, and Bri came over in the morning so we could both watch her open presents from us and Santa. I sent Lucy a Merry Christmas text. No response.

We’re over.

Everything else in my life has been great since Thanksgiving.

The Blizzard is on a winning streak, and I’ve been at the top of my game. Paul gave me a Good game, Bassey on Monday.

Savannah acknowledges me, but it’s not sketchy at all. There’s been nothing about me and her on any gossip websites. I’ll probably still keep my distance. I don’t want to create any new problems.

But there’s been no trade rumors posted about me or anyone from the team. I’m feeling optimistic that I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I’ve decided that I’m going to talk to Coach Jackson about my lingering concerns after the holidays, just to make sure.

“Hello? Kellie? Are you with us?” Lachlan snaps his fingers right in front of my face.

I shake my head and mentally return to the bar. “Yeah, yeah, sorry.”

“Then take your shot, mate.” Lachlan holds up a shot glass, and I clink mine to his and Atticus’s, knocking it back. “We have no game tomorrow, and then it’s New Year’s Eve. So relax a little.”

We got back late this afternoon from being on the road for the few days after Christmas. Lachlan and Atticus insisted we go out for drinks, and after I tucked Ava in bed at Bri’s house, I met them downtown.

Atticus sighs and shakes his head at me. I hate that he’s a daily reminder of my split from Lucy. His matching red hair and green eyes. I need to get over that—Atticus is my teammate and my friend, and he’s not going anywhere.

“What?” I say.

“Are you still all messed up from what I told you about Lucy?”

“Huh? No. I don’t even remember what you said.”

Atticus rolls his eyes.

“I’ll remind you, mate.” Lachlan slaps his hand on my shoulder. “She’s flying to England in the beginning of January to interview with her English soccer team.”

“You know, her dream job.” Atticus watches me, and I feel my right eye twitch under his assessing gaze. “The one she’s been obsessing over all season.”

“Good for her.” I shrug, attempting nonchalance, but it feels like I’m cringing. I found out from Atticus while we were traveling that she’d been invited to interview in person.

“Another round?” Lachlan says, pushing aside a shot glass to pick up his mostly empty pint .

I shrug, but more alcohol is the last thing I need.

“Save the table, we’ll get drinks,” Atticus says to me, following Lachlan to the bar.

Lucy’s really going.

Of course she’ll get the job—she’s freaking amazing. She’s smart and confident and sweet and friendly, never mind beautiful and sexy. Maybe the slightest bit accident prone, but that only makes her more endearing.

I’m desperate to see her. I even bought her a Christmas gift, just in case the opportunity came to give it to her. It’s stupid, really, a book called A Guide to Hiking in Colorado . There’s a whole section on wildlife and what to do if you see a bear, a mountain lion, or a rattlesnake, among others. I put a few sticky notes throughout that chapter with some snarky comments I’d hoped would make her laugh.

I’m not sure I’ll ever give it to her.

Because the thing is, even if we were really dating, even if none of it had been fake, it would still be ending. We’d be breaking up soon. Before she heads out of the country. So it’s better to do this on my terms— our terms—and split before we got in too deep.

Unfortunately, I think I already am.

Lachlan and Atticus come back with drinks and girls. Three of them. One blonde, one brunette, and a redhead. All beautiful, smiling, and happy. Lachlan attaches himself to the brunette, Atticus the blonde, and the redhead slides next to me.

Are you kidding me? All I can see are Lucy’s thick red curls, crazy around her head, and the way it felt to bury my hands in them.

“Hey, I’m Mel.” Her red hair is long and wavy, and her eyes are blue, not green like Lucy’s. She’s got a scattering of freckles across her nose. They’re different than Lucy’s. Lighter, more subtle.

Is this my future? Where I compare every single woman to Lucy Knox?

Sounds fucking miserable .

“This is where you tell me your name.” Mel smiles at me and cocks her head. She’s wearing a low-cut dress that shows off her shoulders and long, creamy neck. Just enough cleavage is on display to be tempting but not overly showy. She’s objectively hot.

“Kellen.” I chug half of the fresh pint Lachlan pushes toward me. “I’m afraid I’m not much fun tonight.”

She smiles at me, undeterred. “I’m sure we can make some fun together.”

But I know we can’t. I won’t. She’s pretty, but I’m zero percent interested.

I drain my beer as Mel tells me a story about her brother showing up to Christmas morning half drunk on Bloody Marys. I tune her out, nodding once in a while so she doesn’t force me to engage.

My phone buzzes, and I pull it out so fast I lose my grip and drop it on the bar floor.

“Shit.” I bend down to pick it up and flip it over as I stand.

It’s a text from Bri with a picture of Ava cuddling the stuffed dog that Lucy gave our daughter for her birthday. She hasn’t put that thing down since.

I can’t believe Lucy hasn’t changed that animal’s name from Mister Barky McBarkface—sorry, MBM. Who keeps a name like that? After she swapped it once a week for months, and then she leaves it at the most ridiculous one of all?

“Why are you smiling? What’s funny?” Mel has a tentative smile on her face when I clear my thoughts of Lucy and her dog and focus back on the woman in front of me.

“Oh, nothing, but it’s my daughter. I need to get home.”

“You’re a single dad?” Mel looks even more interested. What is it with women and single dads? I think it’s the inaccessibility. We’re harder to pin down, so it makes them want us more.

“Yes. You have kids?”

“No, no.” She shakes her head and widens her eyes. “I’m not really a kid person. I could be, I guess, but I’m just not around them very much these days. Ever, really.” She goes on to tell me about her younger siblings who are fresh out of college and how none of them—her included—are anywhere near ready to become parents.

And this makes me think about the sweet relationship Lucy has—had?—with Ava. Bri tells me Lucy sends her pictures of MBM to share. She’s still trying to stay in touch with my daughter.

Makes me love her even more.

I intake a breath sharply, and Mel stops talking.

I love her.

I’m in love with her.

As soon as I let myself think the words—embrace them—I know they’re true. I’ve been pushing them away, hiding them, trying to make them disappear, but they’ve been waiting to pop up. Waiting for the moment I let my guard down.

And that moment is now.

“Shit.” I squeeze my eyes shut.

I’m in love with Lucy Knox.

It’s been dancing around my subconscious for weeks. Months. And now it’s fully front and center.

“Everything okay?” Mel reaches a hand over and places it on my arm. I yank it away.

“Sorry. I have to go.” I stand and look over at Lachlan and the brunette and Atticus and the blonde. They’re very cozy, and I don’t want to interrupt.

“Aw, are you sure?” Mel sticks out her bottom lip and tilts her head. I’m sure that pretty face works on most men. But not me. Not tonight.

“Yeah. Have a good night.” I lift my hand to Mel and dart out of the bar.

Once outside, I flip up the hood on my sweatshirt. Fat snowflakes lazily drift from the sky. The cold air feels good. It slaps me awake. Maybe I should have worn a jacket to protect me from the biting winter, but I welcome the sharpness of the December air.

Why didn’t I see the truth when it was all around me? When Lucy was with me?

Because I’m sure of it now.

I spent last fall not only fake dating Lucy Knox but also falling in love with her.

Maybe I loved her instantly.

Maybe it was the second I looked up from the ice during that practice back in September and saw her chasing her dog, her belongings flying everywhere, swearing and calling for Waffles.

Or maybe it took longer.

Maybe it was when I watched her as Coach Lucy with Ava, then evolve into Ava’s friend.

Maybe it was during one of our fake dates.

Maybe it was at the retreat.

Maybe it was Thanksgiving, when I spent time with Lucy, Atticus, and their mom, and felt like they could be family.

Maybe it was during the skating lesson I gave her, or when I stole kisses from her at that one KFDPC meeting.

Maybe it was when I realized I’d trusted her from the moment I met her. With pictures of Ava, with my secrets, with my heart.

I’m now sure that none of it was fake.

But I’ve wasted all the time we had. It’ll be January in a few days, and she’ll fly to England and kick ass at her job interview for the English soccer club.

Then she’ll leave.

“Fuck!” I scream into the deserted town center. The fountain is off for the winter, the stores shuttered for the night, and no one is around at this moment.

I love her. I’m in love with her.

I clench my fists as desperation twists into knots in my chest. I unlock my car, parallel parked a few storefronts down from the town square .

It’s too late to make it work with Lucy. She’s making her dream come true. A dream that doesn’t involve me, or Ava, or MBM.

I rest my forehead on my steering wheel as a cold weight settles on my chest. Either I’m having a heart attack, or I’ve died inside.

I think it’s the second one.