Page 90 of Julian

“Well, don’t look at that as a failure,” Lucy muttered. “I’ve stood on the fringes of this world for several years, and for every perfectly lovely person, there are at least three snarky and spiteful ones.”

“Since I’ve run into one of each tonight, I think I’ll call it a day,” Kiara said.

“Did you want to let Julian know you’re going up?”

Kiara glanced over to see he’d moved further into the room, circulating much like his father was doing. Only Duncan had his wife at his side.

“No, he already knew that I’d probably call it an early night. Let’s just go.”

Now that she’d made up her mind, Kiara was in a hurry to leave. With a nod, Lucy walked beside her to the exit of the ballroom. They made their way to the elevator and then up to their suite.

“Could you unzip me, please?” Kiara asked as she stepped out of her shoes. “I don’t think I can reach the zipper on my own.”

“Of course.”

Holding the gown in place across her chest, Kiara thanked her. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“And if Julian contacts me to find out where you are?”

“Just tell him my feet hurt, and I was tired. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

It wasn’t until she was behind the closed door of her room that Kiara let go of the tight control she’d kept over her emotions.

With a deep exhale, she dropped her arms, allowing the dress to puddle at her feet. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back against the door.

The evening was supposed to have been nothing more than a social event. An opportunity to support the work Elizabeth had done. And yet, it had opened old wounds, which left her feeling vulnerable and alone.

Stepping over the dress, Kiara bent and picked it up. After she’d returned it to the hanger it had been delivered on, she decided to take a shower to wash away the evening. To wash away the things that weren’ther. And if there were some tears shed as she stood beneath the water, they were washed away as quickly as they fell.

When she felt more in control of herself again, Kiara got out of the shower and dried off. Pulling on a thick robe, she went to the counter where her skincare products waited.

She stared at herself in the mirror for a long moment, no longer seeing the polished version of herself. Instead, her hair lay in damp waves across her shoulders, and her face was bare of all makeup.

This was who she was. Someone who hadn’t belonged in the world she’d struggled to inhabit earlier that evening.

She might not have liked it, but this was a reminder she needed. Over the past few weeks, she’d gotten too used to playing house with Julian. Too settled into their life together. She had to remember that it was an illusion. None of it was real. None of it.

This was not where she belonged, and after seeing Julian and the others in their element at the gala, Kiara wasn’t sure she belonged in the Burke family in any capacity.

As she took in her reflection, Kiara saw heartbreak in her eyes. How was she supposed to move forward with the knowledge that she didn’t belong anywhere?

When you give your heart and your life to God, you belong to Him.The words of a sermon the pastor had preached came to her in the stillness of the bathroom.You become His child. He will love and care for you. Even in the direst of circumstances, you will not be alone.

He’d spoken of redemption, of belonging to the family of God, and of living a life of hope and purpose in God. But so far in her life, she’d not fit in. Never had she felt like she truly belonged anywhere, and it was a stressful and lonely feeling.

How was it possible that becoming a Christian could change that? God wasn’t someone who could hug her or sit down for a conversation with her. But even so, there was a longing in her heart to belong to someone.

Over the past few weeks, she’d continued to attend church, even when Julian hadn’t been there to go with her. Each sermon had offered her more to think about, and she knew what she needed to do to become a child of God. But she hadn’t taken that step yet.

Staring at herself in the mirror, Kiara faced her fear of being rejected once again. It was the one thing that had, so far, kept her from committing fully to God.

But maybe it was time to face that fear head-on and put her trust in Him. To commit to living her life to glorify Him, and to hope that God would help her with the feelings she had.

She didn’t know what she needed to do exactly, but the pastor had mentioned it several times. She just needed to find it in the videos of his sermons online.

Under the covers of her bed a few minutes later, Kiara pulled up his list of sermons on the website and began to search for the information that she hoped would change her life.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE