Page 35 of Julian

However, if you’d rather not know, I’m okay with that. I don’t have much of an opinion on things pertaining to the baby, to be honest. Do you have a preference for a girl or boy? I never really thought I’d have kids, so I have no idea which I’d rather have.

Kiara hadn’t really thought too much about it either. Healthy was the first thing she hoped for the baby. Part of her thought that maybe it would be better if the baby was a girl if she was going to be a single mom. But given this was the first Burke grandchild, it was likely Duncan would want a boy.

She was glad that Julian wasn’t dropping subtle hints about the baby possibly not being his. She didn’t doubt that there would still be DNA testing done once the baby arrived. If that was what happened, she wouldn’t object or take offense because she knew the truth. And she wanted them to be assured of the truth too.

Things here are going better physically. The wicked withdrawal from the constant alcohol use has lessened. I’m still struggling to fall asleep at night. My mind seems to think that bedtime is the perfect time to think about everything.

I’ve been talking to a guy here who’s a Christian, and it’s been rather interesting. I know that Annie and Angela are Christians. Are you? Do you go to church with Angela?

The questions gave Kiara pause. When Angie had first started going to church in Briar Hollow, Kiara had assumed it was just because Angie didn’t want to disappoint Miss Ida. But then she’d continued to go. Kiara had accompanied her on occasion, but at the time, it hadn’t resonated with her.

Angie had started to attend church with Jude once she’d gotten settled at the estate. She asked Kiara periodically if she wanted to join her, but Kiara had yet to accept.

This guy has a kind of messed up past with Christianity, and yet he’s passionate about it in a way I wouldn’t have thought someone with that history would be. We’ve had some discussions about his faith, and they've been interesting. Our conversations have given me a lot to think about. Plus, they’ve been a good way to pass the time. I didn’t think I’d actually like spending time with anyone while I was here, and that’s kind of been true, except for Elijah.

Kiara didn’t think the conversations Julian had had with her had given him anything to think about. In fact, she was fairly certain that he didn’t recall much of what they’d talked about.

Their discussions had centered mainly on surface stuff like movies and TV shows they liked to watch. Julian had talked about some of the many places he had traveled to, which was a subject Kiara hadn’t been able to contribute to.

Still, she’d enjoyed their evenings together and had wondered if he would say the same. Perhaps he preferred conversations that gave him something to mull over.

Regardless, it didn’t matter. She no longer thought she had a chance with Julian the way she had had during those eveningsthey’d spent together. While he appeared to be a good man, he wasn’t the man for her.

She just had to keep reminding herself of that so she wouldn’t make the mistake of falling more in love with the man than she already was.

With that thought in mind, she returned her attention to the letter.

Duncan sent me some printed emails from Sean, the head of the FemPulse research in Singapore, so I’ve had a chance to get caught up on that, which I really appreciate. Not having instant access to that information is something I really miss being here.

Well, I think I need to end this. My hand is starting to cramp. I haven’t ever written so much by hand before in my life, I don’t think.

Take care of yourself and the little one.

- Julian

Kiara folded the letter and slipped it back into the envelope as she considered its contents. Julian's tone had seemed more relaxed in this one, and she hoped that meant that he was fully accepting the treatment at the center. For his sake and the sake of their child, Kiara wanted Julian’s time at the center to be successful.

She placed the letter on the end table beside her chair, deciding she'd write back after her appointment. That way she could tell him whether they were having a boy or a girl. The thought sent a flutter of excitement through her belly.

Her hand drifted to the slight swell of her stomach. "What are you, little one? A boy or a girl?" she whispered. "Your daddy wants to know."

The word "daddy" caught in her throat. Would Julian ever truly be a father to this baby beyond biology and financial support? The question lingered in her mind as she stood up, realizing immediately that she’d done it too quickly.

A wave of dizziness hit her, forcing her to grip the armrest until it passed. The morning sickness medication helped, but it didn't eliminate every symptom. She pressed her other hand to her forehead, waiting for the room to stop tilting.

When the dizziness subsided, she made her way to the bathroom since the frequent need to pee was also a new part of her life. Once she was done, she sent a message to Angie to see if she wanted to go for a walk.

As she waited for Angie to respond, her mind went back to the questions Julian had asked about her faith. Angie had never pressured her to get involved in the church the way she had, but Kiara had seen how her sister's faith sustained her through difficult times. It had given Angie a peace that Kiara sometimes envied.

Peace was something she could really use in her current situation, so maybe she should talk to Angie about her faith and the peace she seemed to have, regardless of what was going on.

Kiara found herself wanting to be the best person she could be for the sake of the baby, and if part of that was finding out more about God, she would gladly do it.

CHAPTER NINE

Julian was tempted to ignore the knock on his door, but he dragged himself out of his chair to answer it. He wasn’t having a good day, and he didn’t want to see or talk to anyone, even though that wasn’t really an option at the center.

“Mail for you, Mr. Burke,” the man in the hallway said when Julian opened the door.