Page 36 of Julian

Taking the envelope from him, Julian said, “Thanks.”

Closing the door, his spirits lifted a bit when he saw Kiara’s familiar handwriting on the front of the envelope.

He returned to his chair and sank down with a sigh. Staring out the window at the glorious view, he tapped the envelope on his leg. He wanted to get into the right mindset before reading her letter.

The therapist in their session the previous day had decided it was time to press harder to get to the source of Julian’s excessive drinking. They’d touched on it in past sessions, but the man hadn’t pressed when Julian had brushed it off as just something that he’d enjoyed that had gotten out of hand.

Unfortunately, the therapist hadn’t believed him.

So far, the sessions he’d attended had been focused on the other parts of his life. His job. His family. His friendships. His relationships—past and present. They’d even delved into the kidnapping and the impact it had had on him.

They’d talked about a lot of things. More than Julian had talked about to anyone ever before. He’d told him about pretty much everything of significance in his life, and even some non-significant things. All in an effort to avoid having to discussthatincident.

But Julian had known it was only a matter of time. He was pretty sure that if he didn’t deal with it, he would end up drinking again. All it had taken to bring the urge to the forefront in an overwhelming way was the thought of talking about what he’d done.

So he knew he had to face it head-on. And once he told the therapist, he was pretty sure he’d have to tell Duncan.

His stomach lurched as he imagined that conversation. And boy, did he want a drink to dull the anxiety that caused.

He’d shoved the memory of that day down deep and covered it with a river of alcohol. But now the river had dried up, and the memory was laid bare.

Maybe it was time to lance the boil and let all the poison out. Accept the consequences as a man, even though he’d only been a child when it had happened.

He might lose his job, but he had plenty of money of his own. He wouldn’t be destitute. He might be alone, but he wouldn’t be without a roof over his head or food on his table.

And he’d have a child. Provided Kiara would let him see the baby after his revelation.

He stared down at the envelope in his hands. Would the letter tell him if the baby was a boy or a girl?

It was possible that Kiara had chosen to wait until the birth, but he found that he really didn’t want that. He wanted to know now.

Focused on that, Julian opened the envelope and pulled out the thick sheets of cream paper. Unfolding them, he focused on the gently curved letters.

Dear Julian,

I hope you continue to do well. We are fine here. My morning sickness is much better. Instead of feeling sick all day, it’s usually just first thing in the morning… like it’s supposed to be.

And the baby is doing really well too. I decided I wanted to know the gender as well, so at my ultrasound today, I asked them to tell me. And after a little coaxing to get the baby in the right position, they told me we’re having a BOY!

Julian inhaled sharply, and he was surprised by the press of tears in his eyes. He was going to have a son.

Sudden dread filled him as he imagined a relationship with his son that was similar to what he had with his dad. Could he be a good father to a son?

He’d already failed miserably in his father-son relationship with Duncan. And he hadn’t been a much better brother to his siblings, especially Benjamin.

Had he ever had a successful relationship? One that was balanced and uplifting?

His best relationships were probably with people he worked with, like Sean. It was easier to meet work relationship expectations than personal ones.

But a child… a son… could he somehow figure out how to be a good father to him?

I didn’t really care whether it was a boy or a girl, but I figured it might be easier to have a girl as a single mom.

Julian’s stomach clenched as he read the words.Single mom.He’d essentially told her that they’d be getting a divorce at some point in the future, so it wasn’t a surprise that she was thinking that way.

So why was he reacting like it wasn’t something he wanted? They didn’t love each other, so there was no reason for them to stay married.

Most of the relationships I’ve had with men (my adoptive father and brother) haven’t been great. I just want to give this little boy the childhood I never had, with lots of love and security. A place where he’s safe.